ありがとう。頑張ります。よろしく。

以上です。

834438

Somewhere unseen along this track
fragrance blooms
close to midnight
And darkness fades
in fond thoughts
the beauty I wish to show you.


Archi, 11.30pm

Excuse Me While I Kiss the Sky

Contemplating my fandom of these past months, the intensity of which is starting to frighten myself... and somehow reminded of this line.

"Don't come into my world. I can't see any exit from this love."
-- Makino Tsukushi, "Hana Yori Dango" (vol. 28)

Oh, I can see the exit alright, but I am not walking towards it. Let it come when it comes. ;P

That volume number sure looks intimidating to me now. Back in high school with considerably less entertainment sources we did follow these series to their tiresome ends, eh. In later years the variety became so overwhelming that I'd read a lot of popular, long-running manga way after the final volumes were published-- the complete series at once, over three or four consecutive nights, surviving the days on three or four hours of sleep..

Well, I do more or less the same thing for J-dramas and J-varieties these days. So now you see the exit I mentioned before, eh. The king is dead, long live the king.

Feels a bit like coming out of the closet to say this, =D but surely I'm not the only one who get high on these emotion stimulants like music and well-crafted fictions and whatever addictive substance Japanese [or insert your preferred genre] entertainment is made of?

Though yeah, we are also constantly wary of them swallowing our 'real life'. Of us forgetting how to drop it all at once in the face of 'real' priorities. Rapture comes only with an extent of obsession, I guess?

Ah, adrenalin, what a blessing, what a curse.


* About the title

If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out

Reliving this song discovered through Charlie Bartlett, with illustrations from Nodame Cantabile the drama. ^__^


Well if you wanna sing out, sing out...



And if you wanna be free, be free



There's a million things to be
You know that there are


And if you wanna live high, live high...



And if you wanna live low, live low



'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are


You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you find a new way
You can do it today

You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
You see, ah ah ah
It is easy, ah ah ah
You only need to know


Well if you wanna say yes, say yes



And if you wanna say no, say no



'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are


And if you wanna be me, be me



And if you wanna be you, be you



'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are...


-- Cat Stevens, "If You Want to Sing Out"

Thanksgiving

I know it's just words. But he bothered to write in, with proper grammar, and correctly spelled my name. =D Not to say the intention is less without those, but the intention is felt more with those.

It's Thanksgiving Day where he's living now. My gratitude to him in return, for rekindling this precious sentiment in me.

Maaf

mengapakah kucari
pemicu hati
di dunia lain
kemilau asing

lupakan nantimu
nyata menyentuh
pembuluh hidup
cinta sesungguh?

Rimed Rime

It's that time of the year again,
November with much rain.
Winter's coming to some parts of the world;
I'm not there, but still I feel the cold.
Umbrella while out, jacket while in;
My toes in wet shoes complain.
Ridiculous as it may be in this tropical weather
I wish air conditioners had a mode for heater.

---

rime[1]
n.
A coating of ice, as on grass and trees, formed when extremely cold water droplets freeze almost instantly on a cold surface.

rime[2]
n. & v.
Variant of rhyme.

Atlanta Trip

Photos from the Atlanta trip. Not much commentary this time round...

Much Talk About Computing

What makes an orator?

Attended the Computing in the 21st Century 2008 in Suntec yesterday. It was part of Microsoft Research Asia's 10th Anniversary celebration, and I was invited since I interned there last year as one of the 2006 Fellows. I thought the logo was nice, though Bernard thought the color scheme (the bits floating around) was too similar to Google's. =D


-- Talk to Me

There were the welcome address and opening speeches. While everyone did read from the script, I noticed our NUS Provost, Prof. Tan Eng Chye, delivering it sort of 'newscaster-style' -- with an engaging tone and much pause/emphasis on strategic places. It gave me the feel of being spoken to (even though it was still a recognizable 'recital'), and kept my attention better. That said, I did feel guilty for drifting away from some others from time to time because their contents were all pretty interesting. =P

But anyway, that brought my thoughts to a great orator most Indonesians are proud of, Bung Karno, who never needed a script. (I vaguely remembered hearing about this from my mother. If even she was impressed...) Apart from the gift, I think it might have come from the extent of his passion for the subject-- I really imagine him as someone who lived and breathed patriotism (putting aside the infamous other side of his personality).


-- Look and Feel

Then there were the PowerPoint talks, which I usually labor a lot on myself, being fussy in the department of idea presentation. =)P

Tony Hoare (quicksort, Hoare logic) jogged up the stage stairs. (He is going to be 75 in a few months.)

His slides were plain black-on-white pure text in contrast to the colorful others with the cool demos, but I think I still like his best, emotionally speaking. =) (My own favorite slide design is the 2003 'Edge'.) They stood out in their simplicity, unclogged and easy to read. There was a kind, humorous ambience in the way he spoke, too.

The topic was his dream on zero-defect programming, with the scientific basis and a comparison to the established reliability of the Engineering disciplines. He likened it to a wave of Harry Potter's magic wand to make the errors disappear, and Bernard pointed out that it helped that he had the accent already. =D


That aside, I am still kinda lost on what to talk about to these big names in research. =P People will have technical questions or ask for inspirational advices or talk about life I suppose? I'm probably having too clear a separation between my social and technical associations... And when I feel the gap in our level I tend to fall back on silence (not necessarily awkward if you ask me) or small talk that I am not good in, either. =PP

I Have All the Rights to be Biased with My Opinions

A funny thing, this so-called soft spot;
if I hadn't liked you already, I think
I would surely dislike you now.

Walls and Mirrors

Abstraction is a wonderful concept. Like, tell your 'client' just what he needs to know at the level of his understanding. Much as this opens another can of worms of how to determine that level. (After all, what a man does not know can hurt him. And me, in the process.)

I'm all for transparency and being responsible (or kiasi), but oh, the frustration of dealing with people who ask for this and that just because they can be done, when in my not-exactly-professional opinion those are not necessary anyway.

Not to mention I don't have enough nonchalance to just pass on the pressure to the abstraction level above me. Which, still, may or may not work as they would have been trained at handling/repelling this kind of thing, no?

Excuse the ranting. I know I can say this since I am not in their shoes with their worries that might be valid after all -- ugh, this justifying tendency of mine -- but...

Title is a tribute to the first context to introduce this concept to me.

Malam Larut

Malam larut
tidak hening,
deru mobil sesekali.

Malam larut
tidak gelap,
nyala lampu sekeliling.

Malam larut
tidak lelap,
ada kerja mencegat.

Malam larut
tidak panjang,
cepat waktu terbuang.

Of Machines and Men

Watched Wall-E. Enjoyed tremendously. =) It's impressive how simple the sources of humor are when there are so many hilarious moments in there.

[Warning for indirect spoilers below]

There's the moral message about what modern conveniences can do to us when taken to the extreme, but I'm totally in just for the cuteness. The straightforward, honest cuteness of robots whose idea of romance consists of hand-holding. As TS Eliot asked, "Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?" similarly I thought, "Where is the romance we have lost in sentimentality?"

The only thing that kept it from being perfect in my opinion is the oversimplified (or perhaps only unexplained?) resolution to that memory issue at the end. It's not like it couldn't be resolved without 'magic'-- just copy the data over, la. Though it might still require some Evangelion-style Ritsuko-jutsu to do that directly from the chip. (Actually, I think I'll love it even more if they put in this kind of hardware-level sci-fi action. Throw in some more memory corruption problem and I'll be sold.)

The trademark Pixar bonus clip felt a bit longer than necessary this time, but still all of us enjoyed it throughout.

Aside from the movie, was feeling a bit under the weather today with accumulated tiny disappointments in myself, which led to more disappointing acts committed towards various people around me. Should have apologized but the situations were rather too vague and awkward to, so I applied my usual strategy of 'acting normal, moving on'. Ah, sorry~~

It's What You Didn't Say

Got this from the "Writer's Block" section on my Livejournal:

Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” He is believed to have called it his greatest literary work ever.

Indeed, thriller is in the imagination of the beholder?

Six-word stories from other authors

Being Born

I still remember the first movie that made me actually cry-- it was Armageddon. It sort of marked the starting point when I no longer held back from crying over movies or books. =P I suppose that was one of my emotional development stages-- living away from my parents did break a lot of my reserved habits.

In recent years I noticed that almost all of those tear-jerking scenes had to do with parent-child relationships. (Thinking back, the context in Armageddon happened to be the same.) This is probably yet another mental development stage-- connecting with the parental instinct in me, I suppose? =D

This thought particularly stroke me when I cried harder than I laughed while watching Money No Enough 2 today. It was meant to be touching, but I was quite surprised and paiseh at how readily the tears flowed, heh. The Hokkian insert songs at those points were unexpectedly beautiful too, and the mundane words in the lyrics made them all the more heartfelt to me.

Anyway.. the movie was part of a string of pampering treatments I'm afraid I've been indulging in these few days. =) Thank you so much, family and friends. I thought a birthday was the most unearned-for pampering compared to other celebrations.. =D Some say that on such a day we are really giving thanks for the person having been born, leading to them being part of our lives today. That is a very kind thought, but our parents were the ones doing all the work on that day, no? =P

With my Jap-entertainment knowledge overload, that made me recall reading/watching somewhere that Yamashita Tomohisa received that similar birthday message "Thank you for having been born" from his mother. How noble is that? His friends rightfully commented that he should reply to her with something like "(I'm the one who should) thank you for giving birth to me", but he was apparently too shy to do that in the end.

His senpai Doumoto Tsuyoshi on the other hand really got my respect when he revealed the inspiration behind a song he wrote, that was, the memory of viewing cherry blossoms with his mother; and that just before recording the song, he'd fought off the embarrassment and sent her the message: "I'm glad to have been born as your child (お母さんの子供に生まれて良かったです), thank you."

The birthday person themselves really have more reasons to be thankful about, na. From the Buddhist perspective, being thankful for the precious human birth, too, and taking care not to waste it. *nudges self*


With today comes the reminder of your love
With today comes the reminder of all the lives that make up a part of mine
今日まで全てにありがとう
今日からもどうぞよろしく

...and Let the Sun Shine In

I surprised myself by actually coming up with concrete answers when people asked for my preferences these few days. =D It's of course tempting when someone asks me what I want (with the intention of fully complying) but even without the "false humility", when I really don't have a favorite, it can be quite troublesome. And yet I found that all I had to do was to push a bit further into my impulsive side, set aside the fear of being selfish... and there they were, random quirky ideas jumping out one after another.

I've always been bothered by my own indecisiveness, not only with connection to other people ("anything's fine" could be quite an annoying answer) but also for myself-- now that I'm once again in the transition process from completing my graduate studies to job seeking.

(Ad flash: while I'm at that, would appreciate your input if you know of reco/vacancies for Computer Science R&D, Singapore or abroad. Thank you! =))

I've encountered many good things that are unexpected: interesting points of view I haven't considered, great music outside my usual genre, fruitful reads I have little initial interest for, (recent foosball craze in the lab,) ... that I think I might be missing something every time I choose to stick to my old perspectives.

Not that I'm adventurous; more like I have fairly high tolerance, I suppose? I still need that push from you people to try something new. =D Having said that (this is mostly to certain friends who probably don't read this blog anyway XD) still no chilli and seafood for me please. Those I already know I don't like. ^^; At least for the time being, because my tastes do change -- thinking back to my semi-hermitic school-day self, I couldn't remember nor imagine how I could have gotten into a movie group, a karaoke group, a badminton group... and yet those are the groups of friends I'm glad to have that have persisted for years now.

On the other hand, having no strong stands has been disadvantageous in various professional and social settings, where opinions are needed to further discussions and conversations. But a line from a movie surprisingly made me feel much better about this: "Why do I have to have opinions on every single thing?" (It's April from "Definitely, Maybe" about the Clinton campaign if I remember correctly.)

As far as tastes are concerned it's all relative anyway, no? =D Judgment can be objective according to certain standards, but actual outcome has nothing to do with it -- whether one likes/enjoys/benefits from the subject in question.

You've seen me ranting passionately about songs and shows and things I found amazing (what's a public blog for if not for spreading beliefs? ^^) -- having been in a few fandoms, I think I've developed enough awareness of what my biases are and am perfectly fine with having them. Meanwhile in matters I don't feel strongly for, I will promote open-mindedness and liberal thinking (while trying not to be too hypocritical about it). Isn't that all right? =3


* Title is a "referential substitute" for the preceding line in Frente!'s song, "Open up your heart", which has a different context in that song (a good, inspirational one, by the way). I, uh, like to do this with my entry titles, so just to make sure people actually get the connection, as my thinking process is questionably random. =P

Do You Mean "Eternal", Maybe?

Finished Last Friends, another drama that phoenix chix got me hooked on. That second pic in his post played a big part in motivating me. =D Cool/kind boyish girls are so my type. Oh, Ruka.

And I know Takeru is totally scripted to be the ultimate good guy (the "ability to make people happy" is now my new idea of the supreme personality trait), but still I like him tremendously and 'ship him with Ruka forever -- much as I support whoever she loves; and loving (among other verbs) with disregard to gender is a cause close to my heart.. but Michiru is just the type of heroine I don't sympathize much with.

But even with that I think the drama ending is great -- ignoring the cheesiness of the closing lines, plus how I think the title is absurd enough without making its way into the monologues -- and (perhaps ironically) I especially like how these two's relationship never crosses the line, making the connection so much more meaningful and the sweet moments (plus mild fan-service XD) so much more squeal-worthy, lol.

(Ah, sorry for approaching such a serious drama with this attitude. _ _)

I actually started watching this before Liar Game (see previous post) but while waiting for the last episode to be subbed, I ended up finishing (the long-time released) LG first. The level of excitement is quite similar =D though I wasn't as compelled to watch LF back-to-back, given the milder genre. (That and my constant self-reminder, "the last ep sub is not out yet..")

I like how LF is pretty realistic and doesn't fall into stereotypical conflict resolutions (well, mostly). There was a bit of a tease in the last episode that had me scolding my monitor, "Don't give me that kind of ending now!" -- so the eventual twist made me half amused and half eye-rolling "geez.."

Somehow, though, that last episode was a bit of a letdown to me. I just feel that the emotional build-up was lacking. Strangely so, as it had felt solid up to that point, but everything seemed to rush towards a closure in that particular episode. (One more episode probably wouldn't hurt..) With all the foreshadowing on Takeru's personal conflict, I think it ended up rather underdeveloped. (Yet that might be the realistic way our problems get solved in actuality-- they just fade with time?)

Just personally, I had expected a further growth on Michiru's part too, which she hadn't quite reached at the turning point-- still blaming herself.. not facing her friends.. -- which was probably normal if not for my idealism. =D

While my favoring Ruka is sorta given, =D Eri was a really great character. Her "let it flow" attitude was what attracted me the most, and I think the occasional vulnerability just accented her subtle strength more. I watched Mizukawa Asami (the actress) in a talk show, and her real personality seems just as interesting-in-a-good-way. =D I'm glad that I'll see her again in 33-pun Tantei (33-minute Detective) which is already in my watchlist for a different person (current crush, heeh).

It won't be so soon, though, as this one has just started airing. Not to mention the wait for the subtitles. What a motivation to embrace my old Jap textbook again, lol.

Mind Games

Months after phoenix chix got me interested in the drama Liar Game, I finally got the series last weekend.

Played the first episode just to check if the file was intact, but it opened with the main character returning a lost property of 100 yen (~ 1++ SGD) to the police, which was funny enough to get me watching on... then the Game plot started, and I couldn't stop until I finished the whole 11 episodes overnight -- though I did skip some of the flashback-ridden 3-hour special last episode. (Ah, the efficiency of Japanese dramas when compared to the average 20++ episodes of other Asian series.)

By the way, I learned from other sources (variety shows..) that in Japan, keeping a lost property is considered a crime, and that includes keeping the extra change a shopkeeper gives by mistake. On the other hand, returning that lost property entitles the finder to a reward of 5--20% of the property value. Don't know how effective of an incentive that is, but I think it's a nice gesture..

Anyway, the drama plot is about a "stupidly honest" girl, Kanzaki, who got involved in a real-life game where the players need to manipulate others to win a huge sum of money, or end up in a huge debt if they lose. Of course the series wouldn't progress if she just got cheated all the time (which she would have!), so she got help from a genius psychology-student-turned-swindler, Akiyama, who, as such plots typically require, had a tragic past and was out for revenge of some kind.


I was prepared to get annoyed at this girl's naivete since even phoenix chix did, but the plot momentum was so good (or was it the marathon-watching?) that I didn't feel it. I was even happy for her when she finally showed some smart planning on her own, then I took a look at the episode number and well, episode eight was high time for it..

It also helped mightily that it was Toda Erika in that role-- she made even Deathnote's Misamisa all right for me, heh. I think she belongs to the type of cuteness that is likable-- the other would be the overbearing "act cute" type that, from past observation, seems to appeal to (some) males only, lol. Another reason may be that I can sympathize with people who cannot be manipulative, though in my case it's not so much due to the faith in the good of humans than the limited stretch of imagination..

There might be some flaws and plot holes, but my only major complaint was that the last scene, probably in a cliched thriller attempt at a hanging feel, sort of defeated the good concluding point that had been made earlier: that life itself is a liar game. (I consider this as part of the premise of the story and thus not a spoiler, though the way it was put forth in that last episode might be.)

phoenix chix compared this series to Kurosagi, which I've watched before LG, and I quite agree with his points. Kurosagi's swindler character was made out to be half on the funny side and was thus more enjoyable in that aspect, but I didn't mind LG's Matsuda Shota "playing cool" all the time either (or maybe it was my increased tolerance from all the exposure?) as I think he acted well and the strategies were very interesting.

And somehow I found the treatment of romance, or lack thereof, in LG to be a plus too-- all we got was some subtle remarks leaning in that direction which contributed to the scarce humorous moments in the whole series. ("Personal property" kinda cracked me up, especially after the earlier SM* talk.. (Warning: this may or may not be PG material.))

Now it would be instructive to mention the Trick series with its detective work plus occasional magic-show tricks.. Despite the darker criminal/spiritual background, my impression of this is "the comedic one" (with very likable characters), while Kurosagi is the emotional one and Liar Game is the thrilling one. All are pretty good series. (Just like Kanzaki-san I don't like conflicts and don't want to choose, lol.)

But I guess my thoughts on Liar Game would be, while I wholeheartedly believe that honest and positive thinking is the way to be happy, it also requires skillful means. If Kanzaki didn't win the games, there would've been little impact she could make on others; and she couldn't have won without Akiyama's manipulative strategies. We'd certainly prefer those strategies not to harm others (now this would lead to a whole new discussion on Game Theory, wouldn't it) but...


* If you haven't known this term, I prefer not to be the one explaining what it meant in the drama, but the G-rated interpretation (that my other sources said was also common in Japan) is somewhat as the character first tried to turn it to: the psychological categorization of aggressive(S) versus passive(M) personalities.

Sempitnya Waktu Besarnya Cinta

"Begitu sempitnya waktu, begitu besarnya cinta" ("So little time, so much love") is, as most Indonesians might know, the tagline of the romantic movie Ungu Violet.

The poetic line caught my attention at the time of release and stayed in my mind, even though I never checked out the movie. Now that I've read the synopsis and reviews, the story looked pretty cliched -- very reminiscent of that famous Korean music video "Because I Am A Woman", though possibly with more complex background story. But anyway, I shouldn't comment further seeing as you may know better than me, who haven't watched.

The line just popped into my mind followed by a feeling of belated comprehension ("Ohhh, so that's what it means..") because my life right now is a pile of things I'd love to do but have not done, songs I'd love to learn but have not properly listened to, shows and recordings I'd love to watch but have not gotten around to... and time is never enough.

I thought I was quite an accepting person even in situations when I shouldn't, but for this timing issue I seem to be perpetually dissatisfied, as evidenced by my extremely irregular, lower bound-pushing sleeping hours. Ah.

By the way the above-mentioned belated comprehension may be incorrect after all, because after checking out the (spoiler-free) movie plot, I'm guessing that the line actually refers to some looming character death. Time indeed flows in one direction (or did I just betray my modern physics lecturer? This seems to warrant another blog post by itself) but "little time" in the movie context feels "forward" while my context feels "sideways".. if that makes sense (think duration vs. bandwidth?).

But, that would actually fit just right with the literal meaning: "How narrow time is, how big love is". Ahh, the connotations we lost in translation..

From Dusk Till Dawn: The Pointless Picture

Woke up from my nap to interesting colors:


Coincidentally from that angle the window frame nicely parted the yellow-lit building and the soon-not-blue-anymore sky. The left picture was taken with no flash, the right one with night scene adjustment plus flash (the sky had darkened considerably by then because it took me like ten tries to get a decent one =P). No enhancement 'cos I'm lazy to work with softwares heavier than MS Paint on this computer..

The below are sunrise shots from a few months ago, just unearthed when I was transferring the above pictures to the same folder. Those silhouettes are of the temple roof just in front of where I live.


The title of this entry would probably be different if I had remembered to take photographs of the rain from that same window a few days ago, with the same building yellowish from the street lamps and the sky a colorless white. (A tune just sprung to mind so that was what I was occupied with..) The rain continued until the sky turned black -- another "colorless" instance -- so I thought that was interesting.

Uh, weird rambling? =P

Let It Rain

I wasn't particularly concerned about the dark clouds,
because I always bring an umbrella with me.
I was already seated comfortably in the bus
before any rain fell.

Rain fell.

We passed by a man walking along the side of the flyover
with nothing to keep the still-scarce drops from hitting his dress shirt,
and yet, unhurried,
because (or so I suspected) there was no shelter in immediate sight anyway.

I glimpsed a small smile on his expression,
as though he was finding humor
in the harmless misfortune.

I thought, then,
that the only time I'd ever believe in love at first sight
it would be for the capacity to laugh at life like this.


Jurong East Central, +/- 11 a.m.

Sorrow Has A Human Heart.

I can't make sense of the lyrics, but the music is absolutely moving. A bit Gregorian though, so probably only for those more or less tuned to that genre.


Nightwish, "Sleeping Sun"





As for this one, I think most people will be able to appreciate. Simply heart-wrenching.


Diego Modena & Jean Phillipe Audin, "Implora"

Admittedly I have limited choices of streaming sources for that one, but the reason for the still-image video is that I believe in not letting visuals distract from the emotional impact, for this type. =D Would have put up an audio link if I could find a playable one without hot-linking -- much as I'm a big-time web-leech who is still apprehensive about uploading music on my own, wouldn't want to offend anyone. (Any tips on this, by the way?)


In contrast, the next one should probably be appreciated at the level of stirring chorus and beautiful lyrics. The vocals are powerful all right, but in that kinda harsh J-rock style. (And yep, it's the same band who sang the soundtracks of Ichi Rittoru no Namida.)


レミオロメン　[茜空]
Remioromen, "Akanezora"




Red Sky
(Lyrics & Music: Fujimaki Ryouta)

I awaken to the scent of spring,
that was left behind by the day before yesterday's evening moon.
In my favorite sneakers,
the cherry blossom trees have bloomed along the road that I go down.

The April insects play their song,
and it's as though my heart is shown to the tips of my ears.

Run through the flower petals that dance in the red sky,
believing only in your dreams.
The future is sparkling in your eyes;
Yes, because it's spring.

My heart is abustle, at the bed by the window,
where some cold is still left behind.
It's like I'm seeing the same emptiness that's within myself,
in someone else.

Searching frantically for the voice of my heart,
outside of the window things are faintly growing light.

Red sky, even the thin moonlight
dies out into the morning.
I want to live today, without hesitation,
because today won't come again.

Throughout my travels, I've recklessly and blindly cut, 
with the knife of ignorance.
The wounds on my heart hurt,
but I don't want that pain to subside.
Oh flames of passion, don't disappear;
Just shine.

Run through the flower petals that dance in the red sky,
believing only in your dreams.
Your eyes are the future;
So let them shine.

Red sky, in the gap between the night and morning;
Color it in the color of the loneliness at the beginning.
The future is shining in your eyes;
Yes, because it's spring.
Yes, because it's spring.

 -- Lyrics translation from Mognet. Find the complete lyrics (kanji + romaji) here.


These popped into my playlist recently, so I thought I'd log them in an entry while I remember... 'cause I recently have this crazy thought of making a grand table of my favorite songs/music, categorized by genre, with columns on video link, audio link, lyrics and translations if applicable. Kind of an "all in one place" thing that I can surf with fond remembrances when I'm in the mood..

Well, aside of the doubtful usefulness, clearly time resource is the main cause for its not happening yet. ^^0

Quote of the Day

Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
-- Apollinaire (French poet)

Saw it on my iGoogle today. I remember having contradictory thoughts on happiness and the pursuit of it after seeing the movie of that name, but I don't remember if I actually discussed it with someone. I have vague memories of a blog post... hmmm.

Relics

If I wanted to be sentimental about it,
this song would remind me of you--
     one
     of the many that you like,
heard on the drive out of town
away from you for a while.

It's been a while since I liked it
     enough to play on repeat;
it's been a while since my crush on you.

The emotion forgets, but the mind retains
     the thoughts of you, as too
the lyrics to this tune.


If I wanted to be sentimental about it,
this song would remind me of you--
     one I've heard you sing
     so often I know the chorus by heart,
that though not my own favorite
I didn't change the channel.

In our world rich of music
too many songs spell your existence to me
that you'd think they would have lost the meaning, but

     the way this addiction worms under my skin
     I think I don't have to worry
     that I'll ever forget what you've meant to me.

Anaheim Trip

Blogger isn't very upload-friendly for batch pictures, so I did a photo-blog here.

Previews:

Sounds Filtered

A few minutes of silence every morning
for the valiance of the birds chirping loud and clear
above these bricks and busy streets.

Bless this shade of green

though black are the feathers of the one crower
coming down from the hidden heights.

Still this mind is not quite silent;
how else has this piece come to be?
And in plugged the man-made melody
as I stepped onto the crowded bus.

C'est la Vie

When to play safe; how far to go?
I wouldn't mind screwing up and paying for it
-- I'm pretty good at moving on, really --
if only there's no one else to reprimand me.
Then again that wouldn't count as screwing up, now would it?
Risking things could be so much easier
when the only life to ruin is mine;
then again that wouldn't amount to much of a life, now would it?

Gift Untreasured

Happy Vesak Day.

The celebration was great today. Such wonderful coincidences, or in our terms, good karma. Collective good karma. I hope someone else would blog about it in more details, because I don't feel like expressing it in words this time.

The point of fellowship is spiritual growth, but I've really been sticking around for pure personal enjoyment. My cup is often full when I attend talks and the like. Still some points hit through my thick mind-cloud once in a while. I with my loads of attachment may forget them afterwards, but the moment they strike is a truly uplifting experience.

I wonder if there are others like me, loitering around in the proverbial Heaven, and knowing it, but not making full use of the opportunity, passing the days being contented with how things are? I wonder if it's probably fine not to urge ourselves to sip the heavenly nectar, and just be occasionally touched by the wandering butterflies?

Bad Hand Day

Got a scare from my computer yesterday. It just suddenly went off without any warning. When I tried to turn it on again, the power LED blinked once, but the system wouldn't start. Even the blink couldn't be reproduced without unplugging and re-plugging the power source.

Clearly a power problem, so I swapped the power supply box. When it didn't work (the only improvement was the stronger blink since the new PSU had higher wattage) I was at a loss as to how to proceed next. Plugged in my housemate's CPU and went on Google. Cleaned up the accumulated dust that I'd been lazy to take care of. Started the long tedious hardware troubleshooting process: stripping to the bare operatives and adding the peripherals back one by one. Luckily before long I discovered that I had connected one wrong pin in the first attempt. =D It is back to work now, with fortunately no component damage.

Well, my fault. My system has been heating up very quickly for a long time, but aside from minimum attempt at better heat dissipation, I ignored it and kept overloading it with external HDDs and overnight operations. With the higher wattage now (480W, previously 350W) it is noticeably much cooler.

Computers, our darlings. Won't do to just take advantage of them without maintenance spending, huh.

It is still pretty noisy though, a problem that started recently. Not a threatening issue as overheating is, I suppose, but I should probably try a few tips as mentioned here in the next maintenance.

Loving Eyes Don't Ever See

While hunting for Doumoto Tsuyoshi's amusing PVs, I came across this.

Ayado Chie & Doumoto Tsuyoshi, "When A Man Loves A Woman" (Live on Sony's Our Music 2006)




Not my usual taste of music (though I've been fine with this particular song) but this impressed me quite a lot. The emotional effect on me is much greater than the original flowy rendition. (Arguably, for this type of song, seeing it live indeed does that to people, huh.)

Ayado Chie's voice. (Yes, I like it deep no matter if it's male or female.) And such ease. I'm really going to shift slowly into soul if that's where this kind of people is hanging around. I'm sure Eka would be glad to help move this process along. XD

Doumoto Tsuyoshi, an interesting person. I'm a bit partial for him already; always thought he had bad English though =D (as did his partner). He must have practiced hard for this one because he really did fine here. Though, what's up with him instead of her singing "So this man says he loves me"? XD

Well, treating this song as a whole it was perfectly normal, and this man -- as well as many songwriters who rarely come into our attention -- did write a song from a woman's POV before. But given his history of KinKi Kids antics, it kinda caught my attention, ufu.

We all know what an evil that "related videos" feature on YouTube is, so here's another great rendition by Magdolna Ruzsa on Hungarian Idol 2006... and since I'm undecided between the original Percy Sledge's version and the more popular Michael Bolton's rendition, here is their live duet.

Speaking of soul, here is another performance that I really love despite not being into the genre (yet):

Jamie Foxx & Alicia Keys, "Georgia On My Mind" (Live on Grammy 2005)



Such power... I should have made that move into soul long ago? XD I then discovered that Ayado Chie also did a cover, in a pretty unique style too, but I'm the type who stick to the first version that impressed me, which is Alicia's.

Man, this entry is really just one big YouTube link dump, isn't it? (Well, not that big.) I'm unstoppable when excited, heh.

I'm not following American Idol this time round, though. At all. I wonder myself at this lack of enthusiasm, but indeed, weighing the aspects that draw me (music, and... uh, nothing else?) and the aspects I'm simply indifferent about (reality TV, Western show) against my current fascination with J-entertainment (very Asian, and err... unconventional? XD) -- it's pretty clear where all my time will go. ^^

Stages of Adoration

-- attraction --

i don't know you enough.
how old are you,
    when is your birthday?
what is your kind of music,
    do you play any instrument?
i listen as you talk and answer,
    hanging on every word.
i watch as you joke and play,
    interpreting every gesture.
help me here,
    tell me more;
what are your little habits,
    what is your dream?


-- fixation --

i can never know you enough.
who is important to you,
    how does your relationship go?
what is your life like,
    what have you gone through?
i recall the things you did,
    smiling at the memory.
i think of all that draws me to you,
    pondering how i'd like you to be.
keep me charmed,
    give me more;
how can i get more of your time,
    what can i do for you?


-- love --

i will not know you enough.
what i haven't found out,
    what difference will it make?
what you never want to show,
    why would it matter?
i see how you're shining,
    feeling proud of you.
i see the flaws that remain,
    affirming what i feel for you.
know i'm here,
    be yourself;
how will you grow from now on?
    i'll be sure to follow.


---


Sentimentality strikes. XD If it sounds one-sided, it is -- it is meant to draw parallelism between romance and popular fandom.

First of May

From about two days ago I've been humming Bee Gees' "First of May" -- the theme song of a J-dorama I've just finished watching, and which happens to fit this time of the year -- but somehow it escapes me that it is Labor Day, until I came in to lab just now and found only one other student.

Eka was profoundly stunned when I told her, as she and colleagues had been awaiting this holiday for months.

Ah, the hazards of flexible working hours. XD

Grown Up Boy Band

KinKi Kids - Harmony of December


The name was popular enough to reach my radar years ago when I started getting into J-pop, but the "boy band" label wasn't quite encouraging for me to find out more. I knew about one song from them I think, and when "KinKi Kids Forever" came out, I totally thought they were just another cheesy group. I didn't even know the group consists of not more than two members, until recently.

By now they've been active for more than ten years, and with a pretty impressive record. Sampling their songs over this period, I realized their singing had been decent from the start, although it's certainly better now. I wasn't following close enough to be able to say that their music matured over the years -- I found at random points songs that fit my fancy and some that don't. But for sure up to now they have produced a number of good songs, learned to play instruments, and composed some music of their own.

Given the dangerously image-oriented multi-purpose Asian idol culture (which I'm sure they are still conforming to, at many levels, to some extent) I'm glad to see such a growth in this aspect.

Epic

Just thought this is cute. For the full effect you need to listen to the bouncy song. It was featured in Grey's Anatomy, so I suppose most people already know?

On the radio
You hear November Rain
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
'cause the DJ is asleep...

Regina Spektor, "On the Radio"
Uploaded by reginaspektor



And of course, the referenced "awful long" classic.

Guns 'n Roses, "November Rain"
Uploaded by shermanshecapio



Of this type of rousing, haunting music, "Bohemian Rhapsody" came to mind -- the combination of epic melody and powerful accompaniment.

There are several other great songs which are probably close... say, "Total Eclipse of the Heart" -- feels like the level of power is not quite the same, though. "Making Love Out of Nothing at All" and "Tak Bisa Ke Lain Hati" (that I advertised some time back) are quite majestic too, but not as haunting.

In contrast, the famous "Hotel California" is definitely haunting but in a quiet, undercurrent way; and in The Fifth Element's "Diva Opera", well, the power and the haunting quality all come from Sarah Brightman's impressive voice. I'm not so much into operatic stuff (where I suppose there are more of such things?) so I don't really notice the music aside from the strategic 'bam!'-s.

Speaking of epic there is of course Meat Loaf who has been "breaking several records for chart duration", but (aside of the length factor) I think it has a lot to do with his vocal presentation and less about the full accompaniment.

Hmm... any other recommendation?

Charlie and the Teenage Angst

Not sure what to call this -- reflection? fanfiction? Anyway, this short piece of prose was inspired by a line of dialogue in the movie Charlie Bartlett, which both Eka and I have high opinions of after watching.

Yet untitled, and probably a little mushy. =P Fanfiction-ish in the sense that references are made without explanation, so it may be difficult to understand if you haven't watched the movie (well, if you haven't but can still understand, I'd be delighted to know). It also means spoilers.

---

The boy is everything he is not, even back in those years -- sweet talk and refined manners and prim looks that scream at school bullies to get him.

He sees no malice, though, and that is why he hasn't been quite as stern as someone in his position should be. He knows this species: teenagers vying to be recognized as adults, taking charge of things in all the wrong ways, while in truth their stubbornness and cynical perspectives speak louder of how immature their minds still are.

This kid would've been no different if not for his actual capacity to stir troubles at such a scale.

That may have been his mistake, to leave alone a misguided aspiration that ends up robbing him of his job and family and the life he's been trying to piece back together.

Yes, he is game enough to admit his part in this wreck, and that, strangely, is one point where he can connect perfectly with the kid -- they make mistakes; but all their mistakes, they make in earnest.

Yet, seated in the makeshift theatre, he has to admit that the kid fixes his mistakes a little better than he does. It may be an advantage of youth to be so fixated on a dream -- when one road crumbles, he grabs his dream and moves on.

Roads are for destinations, not the other way round. For him who has spent years following a road to a dream that lands him somewhere he no longer wants to be, it might as well be that all this mess has gotten him out of it.

The curtain closes on the smiling face of his daughter, looking straight at him. He assumes it means the worst part is over.

Their relationship might have been fine before this boy came along, and a total disaster after; but without that episode, it might never be as good as it will be from now on.

That may have been his saving grace, to not kill a clumsy flame that later goes on to rekindle the meaning of all that's important in his life.

---

Classic

桑田佳祐「明日晴れるかな」
Kuwata Keisuke "Ashita Hareru ka na"



I am partial to deep voice. ^_^ The rockish quality caught my attention immediately upon hearing it on someone's blog, and the fact that his English pronunciation actually sounded fine in my ears. To top it off, this is one really nice song.

During the hunt, found out that it is also the theme song of PROPOSE Daisakusen, apparently quite a popular drama (seen it on display in TS), no doubt because it stars Yamashita Tomohisa. I'm not enticed to watch it yet since the theme looks set towards a very slow pace... but if it is as emotional as people said, then this theme song is definitely appropriate.

The hunt also led to the band of which Kuwata-san is vocalist, and uncovered another great song below.


Southern All Stars 「TSUNAMI」



Finally, while wading through older Japanese songs, I was surprised to find that some Chinese songs that I liked were actually ripped from them. Gah! Well, to be fair, I don't know for sure if for all cases it is not the other way round; I only deduced from the fact that most of them do cite the Japanese composers.

I'm quite accepting of the ones by Joi Cai since I knew that beforehand, and I'm actually glad she did 依恋 because I have no way of finding the French(?) original. The 后来 -- 未来へ (Mirai e) connection was quite well known too; but these pretty classic ones left me feeling a bit... cheated. ^^0

Anyway, here's a list of those I found recently. I'm quite prepared to find more match in the future. At least they did bring the nice tunes to a wider world, in some cases also giving them a more mainstream feel... so I won't complain.


My Love ( 许志安 )
-- 白い恋人達 / Shiroi Koibito-tachi ( 桑田佳祐 / Kuwata Keisuke)

每天爱你多一些 ( 张学友 )
-- 真夏の果実 / Manatsu no Kajitsu (Southern All Stars)

今生註定 ( 高明骏 & 王馨平 ) ( 石欣卉 & ? )
-- 世界中の誰よりきっと / Sekaijuu no Dare Yori Kitto (WANDS)

风中的承诺 ( 李翊君 )
-- 夕焼けの歌 / Yuuyake no Uta ( 近藤真彥 / Kondou Masahiko)

Life in the Art Lane

I'm going to watch The Pillowman tonight. First real live event that I decided to buy a ticket for all by myself, so somehow I feel like it's something I need to be prepared for, XD which I'm not. Hmmm. Maybe I should've been more persuasive in asking my friends to watch with me, but I was in the never-mind, chop-chop-settle kinda mood. =P

Got myself a Kobukuro last weekend. Somebody should be proud of me for supporting the music industry for once. XD I knew they wouldn't disappoint (furthermore it's their All Singles Best), but part of the reason for that impulsive purchase was my excitement at knowing that their fame had apparently reached Singapore too -- wouldn't be surprised if it were in Kinokuniya, but I've found the CD in the Popular bookshop, see.

If anything, my one tiny purchase should encourage Warner Music Singapore to import more of their stuff, no? (On second thought, maybe it just helps that Kobukuro is currently signed under Warner Music Japan?) Their edition comes with Chinese translation of the song lyrics and footnotes in the album, too, so that in addition to 20 songs (16 of which I didn't have at time of purchase) in two discs at 19 dollars minus 5 cents are quite worth it, at least when balanced against my growing obsession, heh.

Two of the songs in the album I've posted some time back, so I won't post more here. Instead, here is a song "Kobukuro's smaller one" wrote for Natsukawa Rimi, another great singer whose CDs I've been buying (that's saying a lot if you know me). Please bear with the precluding talks -- there are cleaner videos out there, but I like this version because the songwriter performed with her and sang the harmony here.


夏川りみ & 小渕健太郎 「 さようなら ありがとう ～天の風 （アマノカゼ） ～ 」
Natsukawa Rimi & Kobuchi Kentarou "Sayounara Arigatou ~Ama no Kaze~" (Live Duet)

Play Harder

There is a reason we chose this field, and it is the fun.

The minutiae that follow may not be, and we often have to foray into things we'd rather not be bothered about, because just the fun stuff rarely sustains itself. But from time to time we hit that fun bone, and we stay.

After all, it's the same everywhere else... probably.

And so once in a while we come across something that... doesn't tally with current priorities... but one that our hands itch to get on... And I am very much a creature of the moment, and indisciplinedly so.

I vaguely remember someone said something to the effect of: "Whenever you get the drive to study, do it. The motivation to learn is hard to come by." Second that.

Though maybe it just seems all the more attractive in the face of the alternative work which comes with the pressure of a deadline or responsibility.

想念异乡人

异乡人
作曲 / 作词：李健
编曲：谭伊哲


披星戴月地奔波　　只为一扇窗
当你迷失在路上　　能够看见那灯光

不知不觉把他乡　　当作了故乡
只是偶尔难过时　　不经意遥望远方

曾经的乡音　　悄悄地隐藏
说不出的诺言　　一直放心上

有许多时候　　眼泪就要流
那扇窗是让我坚强的理由

小小的门口　　还有她的温柔
给我温暖陪伴我左右

Foreigner


I strive through night journeys, only for the sake of one certain window.
When you are lost along the way, you'd be able to see its light.

Without realizing, I've come to think of this foreign land as my hometown.
Only occasionally when I feel sad, I'll unconsciously gaze towards the distance.

I quietly hide my past accent;
the promise I couldn't speak out remains in my heart all the time.

The many times that my tears are about to flow,
that window is the reason that keeps me strong.

In that small entrance, her gentleness still remains,
giving me warmth and staying by my side.

---

First saw him on Chinese TV, talking about songwriting in an interview. When he said, "Because [I] lost [my] father, [I] wrote that kind of song," with the soft melody edited into the clip, he definitely caught my attention. (If I got it correctly, I think he basically meant that one should write songs on what he truly felt for.)

Tune-wise the above song is my favorite, but that song he wrote for his father is by far the most touching.

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

想念你
作曲 / 作词：李健


看夕阳徘徊在天边　　迟迟不愿落下山
天空和大地　　这一切让它留恋

你终究还是要离去　　来不及说一句
一阵风掠过　　放开还有温度的手

So I'm losing you
大海在等候　　那条河流
So I'm missing you
梦中那双手　　轻抚我的头
就像小时候

看夕阳染红了天边　　那是最后的眷恋
天空和大地　　忘不了她的陪伴

在你离开后不久以后　　升起满天的星斗
他们不知道　　曾经难受的分手

So I'm losing you
大海在等候　　那条河流
So I'm missing you
梦中那双手　　轻抚我的头
就像小时候

So I'm losing you
大海在等候　　这条河流
So I'm missing you
梦中那双手　　轻抚我的头
就像小时候

看流星划过了天边　　直到你已经走远
长长的弧线　　那时的意念　　想念

Missing You


I watch the setting sun linger at the edge of the sky, reluctant to go down the mountain.
The sky and the earth, all these are holding her back.

At the end you still have to leave, with no time for another word.
A gust of wind sweeps past, and I let go of the hand that is still warm.

So I'm losing you;
the ocean is waiting for that river.
So I'm missing you;
that pair of hands in my dream gently pats my head,
just like it did when I was a child.

I watch the setting sun paint the sky red; that is the last sentimental attachment.
The sky and the earth cannot forget her company.

Not long after you left, the stars that rise up to fill the sky
knows nothing of the sad parting in the past.

So I'm losing you;
the ocean is waiting for that river.
So I'm missing you;
that pair of hands in my dream gently pats my head,
just like it did when I was a child.

So I'm losing you;
the ocean is waiting for this river.
So I'm missing you;
that pair of hands in my dream gently pats my head,
just like it did when I was a child.

I watch the shooting star sail across the sky, until you have gone far.
The long arc [is like] the memory of that time, the longing.

Heart in the Right Place

Went for Ven. Thubten Chodron's talk on Wisdom and Compassion this morning. Paiseh, I usually went for talks only when Soracco got something on. =P But if anything, I suppose this irregularity helps to prevent these lessons from becoming a routine that I might end up ignoring.

Not that I'm advocating, ya. This is what works for me because I am a quite impulsive person -- a lesson needs to strike me at a timely moment, otherwise it's the case of pouring water into a full cup. And actually, exactly because of this I should be going more regularly since I don't know what time it might strike. And I do need it to strike every now and then, because most things fade from my head when not revisited in a long time.

As it is, I'm blogging about it because something did strike. XD This needs some background exposition first, so please bear with me for a while.

So, there is this personality that I picture I want to have. I keep shaping this picture by what is important to me over time. I got upset when someone talked harshly to me, so I decided that this personality would always be considerate to people. I felt guilty over not getting a work done properly, so I added that this personality would be responsible and trustworthy. And so on.

There are two problems in the way I apply this approach. One is that I never concretize the abstract ideas and end up drowning in mundane activities without ever progressing towards that image. The other is that I see my current situation as inferior to this personality, and whenever I commit a mistake that violates this image, I am very unhappy with myself.

(Hady likes to quote that flaws make people interesting. Oh yeah, I agree. But somehow, I'd like to choose the flaws I'd keep. XD)

Now, Ven.'s talk on compassion made a point that, being enlightened means achieving bodhicitta. Achieving bodhicitta is impossible if there is a single sentient being that one cannot feel compassion towards. Every being that we meet contribute to our life; our enlightenment depends on each one of them. (There were raised questions about ants and cockroaches, again, XD but let me not digress.)

I knocked down a child in my rush many days ago and still couldn't get over that guilt -- I blamed it on my temporary absence of mind, but I thought, it wouldn't have happened if I had had the very basic compassion in the first place.

Then Ven.'s talk on wisdom touched on how parents discipline their children, where being truly compassionate means teaching the children to deal with not always getting what they want.

When we were little we couldn't reason about things, and all manners were drilled into us by our parents. Do this because it is good. Don't do that because it is bad. Why good, why bad? Just because. Until, of course, we somehow think back to those when we are older and start discovering (or disproving) the reasoning for ourselves.

From those, I kind of realized why I hadn't been progressing -- it was because I wanted all those qualities without firstly having the seeds from which they would grow.

I have one foot in the belief that, if I have the right motivation in place, then I will naturally take the right course of action, as what my ideal personality would do. Maybe, then, I need not bother fleshing out that image any more -- all those will be there by definition.

Yet from experience, it was always when a mistake had happened that I realized I didn't have enough mindfulness to react properly based on that motivation when the situation occurred.

That is where, I suppose, the drilling should come in.

Regardless of whether I can follow up from this reflection... that has been a fruitful wandering off of my mind during the talk, if only to disentangle some of the mess in my head. So in the spirit of gratitude to Venerable and all factors that have put her and me at that place at that time... let me just revive an old NUSBS cheer:

Hip-hip, sadhu!

Photo courtesy of Bro. Goh Kuan Seng
Candle-holder courtesy of Poh Ern Shih Temple