Every Step Is Home

Just returned from CNY vacation in my hometown. Realized that nowadays I often have to rethink the context before using the term "hometown" -- should I say "birth town" instead? While I was here I'd say "go back to Indonesia" but while I was there I'd say "go back to Singapore". =X

Recalled that at my citizenship ceremony, Dr. Vivian Balakrishnan said something along the line of belonging to the nation without denying our ancestry or forgetting where we came from, all of which shaped who we are. That point of view really impressed me at that time and had dispersed the conflicted feeling I used to have about my nationality.

A recent article that addresses the topic of the Singaporean identity in connection to the White Paper on Population also resonates with the above point of view:
6.9 million people and an emotional hump

Not sure whether that link will be permanent, so I hope it won't violate any copyright to quote the relevant parts here:

Singaporean is by definition a nationality, not an ethnicity nor a race.

It makes some sense for the Japanese to fear immigration as they want to preserve their ethnic homogeneity. Recently, when Hong Kong’s leaders made similar remarks that Hong Kong’s ethnic homogeneity of Cantonese people will be threatened by more Mainland Chinese immigration, it made sense too, even if one argues they are all ethnic Chinese.

But Singaporean? What is that?

It is neither race nor ethnicity, neither a language group nor even a religious community. Singapore is Singapore precisely because of its diversity, not because of homogeneity.

We seem to have forgotten the Singapore Story. It is a story of an island of immigrants forged from many races, many religions, many cultures. It is a story of a nation that welcomed different people who wanted to make a better life to find a new home. It is a story of a country whose descendants of these original people still celebrate various festivals, where Mosque meets Temple, where Christians live alongside Hindus, and even if most of us speak English or Singlish, we still preserve our ‘native’ tongues.

[...]

In the end, like others, I feel nobody defined it more eloquently than one of our founding fathers and the author of the Singapore Pledge, S. Rajaratnam.

He said, "Being a Singaporean is not a matter of ancestry. It is conviction and choice."

Gold in Them Hills

Give the world a chance to say
A word or two, my friend
There's no telling how the day might end
We'll never know until we see
That there's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
So don't lose heart
Give the day a chance to start

-- Ron Sexsmith, "Gold in Them Hills"


Discovered via Katie Melua, who covered it in her latest album, "Secret Symphony". Fabulous choice for the opening track of the album: in Dorothy Boyd's words, it "had me at hello".

Soothing melody, soothing voice, soothing words -- I have quite a lot on my mind these days so these hit right home. Do listen for yourself in this gorgeous live version.





Side interest: The phrase "There's gold in them thar hills" is supposedly a cliche -- though one I didn't know before and had to Google -- related to the historical gold rush. But in this song I'm guessing Sexsmith uses it as an allusion to hope, in a "silver lining" way rather than a "California Dream" way.

Eloquence Cometh in Many Forms

Just a few things that got me contemplating recently.


Megamind (2010) revisited

TITAN: "This town isn't big enough for two supervillains!"
MEGAMIND: "Oh, you're a villain all right, just not a super one."
TITAN: "Yeah? What's the difference?"
MEGAMIND: [makes a grand entrance] "Presentation!"

So, my dad and I were choosing something to pass the afternoon among my movie collection.
DAD: "What are these about?"
ME: [look over the list of Batman and Marvel movies] "Oh, mostly movies made from comic books."
[after we decided on Megamind]
DAD: "Is this from a comic, then?"
ME: "Eh, no, it's an original movie, but I'm guessing a comic has been made out of it."

DIsk and I have had a few discussions regarding story adaptations from and to books / comics / manga / anime / movies / etc., and the level of purism involved. We generally agree that each medium excels in a different aspect and should be exploited accordingly (presentation!), and that while introducing plot changes could sometimes ruin the adaptation, staying strictly true to the original material at the expense of readability / watchability may not be a good thing either. Well, I myself might still be a purist about certain works, in which case I just stick to the original form, no trouble. =P


Carl Sagan, "Cosmos" (the book)

[Dedication page]

"For Ann Druyan:

In the vastness of space and the immensity of time,
it is my joy to share
a planet and an epoch with Annie."

Ann Druyan is Sagan's co-author and wife. He'd always had a poetic disposition, I gather, but when you're Carl Sagan, you get to be romantic with astronomical* facts to back you up.

* Double meaning is not really intended but probably works just fine.


Neil Gaiman, "Smoke and Mirrors: Short Fictions and Illusions"

[Introduction -- note on "Chivalry"]

"I wrote it in a weekend, a gift from the gods, easy and sweet as anything. Suddenly I was a writer transformed: I laughed in the face of danger and spat on the shoes of writer's block. Then I sat and stared glumly at a blank screen for another week, because the gods have a sense of humour."

Gaiman's stories are a hit-and-miss with me, but his side-notes tend to capture me with his penchant for describing his plot-bunny conception and writing struggles that we all can empathize with ("...staring at a blank screen, occasionally writing a word... Then I'd exit without saving"). Which means he is one of those authors whose book introductions are worth going through; in fact he did hide a story --which happens to fall under my 'hit' category-- inside the introduction of this book.

Evidencing Eureka

An article (a cute one I should say) mentions a press conference from CERN giving the latest update in the search for the Higgs boson, which arouse my interest as, aside of the exciting subject, I've never watched any scientific press conference before.

So here it is. (The embedded streaming didn't work for me, but some browsers should be able to play one of the download links directly.)

I quite like the tone of this one. We get a procedural picture of the real work involved:

"What we have seen today is a fantastic demonstration of how an experiment works, from the operation in the cavern to the data-taking, the data-processing, reconstruction, computing, the quality calibration, all the way to the analysis and interpretation of the result. So a simple plot showing a mass distribution contains a lot of work." -- FG

The romantic touch:

"We are discussing something that is the last chapter, we hope, of a story which lasts 47 years." -- GT

The ethics:

"Those are really preliminary results. They're very interesting, they're intriguing, but really preliminary. First of all, as it is the duty of the scientific community, we will speak more solidly through papers that will be submitted on final results we hope to be able to come out sometime end of January, beginning of February [...]" -- GT

The mild humor:

"It *is* really exciting. I can tell you. But nonetheless, we take questions." -- RH

And apparently a number of excited enthusiasts have added their own opinions into the mix, or reinterpreted the news to make their own conclusions, so the scientists have learned to be carefully accurate with their statements:

"First of all, it's not an evidence. Be careful [to ensure that] we're using scientific words at the precise meaning. We're talking of intriguing, tantalizing hints [...]" -- GT

"Don't believe all the blogs. Okay? Believe only what has a stamp from the scientists and not the blogs. Please." -- RH

It is also pleasant to listen to people who know exactly where they are:

Question: "Is it possible to find the Higgs with the present dataset and improved analysis?"
RH: "A quick answer, Madam?"
FG: "No."

And to close, the inspirational quotes:

"Of course it will be good to find new physics, new things, and we have some ideas of how, for instance, new physics could manifest itself. But we should not forget that we are researchers, and the foundation of research [is] really looking for something that is also unexpected, or something new. So we have to remain open, because we don't know what Nature has chosen. And so we may be soon confronted with some surprises, and this would be, I think, for us, the best reward -- something unexpected." -- FG

Question: "Before, you spoke about the next 20 years, the physics beyond the Standard Model, and then about the rest of-- 96% of the universe to explore. And I want to ask, is there an end to the scientific question, and if not, then why?"
GT: "Because we are-- this is the mankind. I mean, mankind started asking questions, and we will continue forever."
FG: "Remember what Isaac Newton used to say: 'What we know is a drop, what we don't know is an ocean.'"
RH: "Each time we find something new, we have new questions to ask. And that's the fascinating thing of science, yeah? You answer some questions which you know how to pose. And then you find, suddenly, new questions. And that will go on, I'm sure. And it's very difficult to find the moment 'when do I know everything?' That's impossible, at least for me. So, there's a lot to do."

Notes:
The above has been transcribed from the video, with minor edits for clarity.

RH: Prof. Rolf-Dieter Heuer, CERN Director General
FG: Prof. Fabiola Gianotti, LHC ATLAS
GT: Prof. Guido Tonelli, LHC CMS

Big History: Beautiful Story

I'm sharing this video link in the spirit of "collective learning" as recommended by the speaker of this wonderful talk on the history of the universe. I recommend watching it in full-screen mode (and darkened room if possible) to enhance the experience. =)

David Christian, "Big History" @ TED Talks



If the above streaming is slow, you can also find it on YouTube here.

Teaser snapshots:

Generation T

According to Wikipedia, I belong to a generation at the edge between Gen X and Gen Y. The accurate dividing line, of course, depends on demographics and other factors, statistically. Realistically, we could just go by the distinguishing characteristics. Even then, rarely does a person fit neatly into any typical group.

I think of myself as belonging to a transition generation. Not as a term, but as how I would describe it here---that is, a generation that experiences both [temporal] sides of a cultural transition. Of course, the same might be said about almost all other generations, as it is unlikely that a generation span could go by without any significant transition taking place. Taking this to the abstract level, then, I would prefer to define this transition in the sense of inducing a way of thinking that encompasses both the old and the new cultures.

I was born into a culture of traditions, albeit one whose strictness had faded. There was an abundance of moral education on one hand, and superstitions on the other. Then science and technology brought widespread change of lifestyles, and thence came the culture of pragmatism, driven by what is effective and convenient. I have enough ties to the old culture to keep it in my life: childhood impressions, respect for the elders, memories of a time when the old way was the good way... I have also tasted enough benefits of the new culture to want to stick to it.

We who have witnessed this transition are in a position to understand the driving factors and, in a way, balance the best of both worlds. Have things changed because it was necessary or simply because it was possible? With a bit more effort we may also understand the ways of the generations before and after: what makes them think in a certain way that might at first seem ridiculous or outrageous. Some superstitions are simply poorly-justified or out-of-context good advice; some unscientific ancient medical beliefs might actually be beneficial though not for the reason stated (rather than confusing uneducated patients with explanations, better to drive home the importance of obeying the instructions using simple analogies). Likewise, "improper" behaviour patterns of the younger generation are likely a natural response (or even aspiring effort) to the values deemed important at their age, in the era.

Just as "the old generation" in our point of view may blindly follow traditions, or "the new generation" blindly follow trends, so may we prone to blindly rejecting their ways as bad. Trying to understand a common pattern should be considerably easier than trying to understand individuals with all their subtle flavours---which is what we need to do in our relationships anyway.

Transition or no, we can probably take more pride in being a thinking generation---whose span ideally has nothing to do with time---one who cares to try to understand rather than judge, lest there ever be a need to put "-ism" behind "generation", too.


Much of the inspiration for this writing has come from Arthur C. Clarke's "Childhood's End", which painted a much more impressive picture of "generations" differing in more than one sense of the word.

Listen

This year's Vesak resolution: listen.

This year we have an inter-faith celebration that is open to public, do drop by if you're interested! =)

The Flip Side

During the last forum meeting our big boss showed us an inspirational video which is interesting in terms of both message and delivery. The speaker is a fun guy, so when I found the link to that video I also clicked on his other presentation.

I'm sharing this one here because the message is something close to my heart, which also ties in nicely with the daily literary quote on my iGoogle today, as currently posted under the "Something XX" section at the right panel of this blog. (I update this section whenever I feel like it, so this line may become irrelevant any time at a future timestamp, sorry. =P)

The message delivery also involves the culture of my fascination, but that's a minor point. Really.

Desiderata

I was in a poetic mood today, and was googling for the original of a translated poem I recalled from a Sidney Sheldon novel when I came across this "advice" poem (reminiscent of Kipling's "If"), and was quite touched by it.

Haven't I always, always come back to this crossing every now and then...

---

Desiderata
Max Ehrmann, 1952


Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Spectrum

Something Resh said in yesterday's talk that really stayed with me: (paraphrased)

No teaching can lay a monopoly on Truth. The path is individual. When you use the knowledge on your own experience, scars and pain, the path becomes your own.

A somewhat relevant thought that has been in my mind lately runs in a different direction...

There are a lot of personality categorizations: extrovert/introvert, optimists/pessimists/realists, and so on. People usually do not fit exactly into one end. What's more, the in-between states manifest in not only many degrees but also many flavours.

There are the outgoing people who lead conversations and keep the group spirit high; there are the reserved people who listen silently and speak only when necessary; and then there are the geeks, who generally keep to their thoughts but come alive on specific topics. =)P

(Side note: I am very much hooked on The Big Bang Theory recently and am recommending it to any friend with the slightest geek inclination or even without.)

I was thinking that it probably resembled the colour palette produced by varying the RGB component balance-- just much, much more complex, considering the number of distinct trait-controlling genes in our DNA sequence... add to it the accumulation of different experiences, environments... I think it is closer to irregular by then.


There is also the sunrise/sunset test: people who prefer sunrise are said to be optimists while people who prefer sunset are said to be pessimists. I don't really stand by this theory if I think of the nocturnal people who begin their day on sunsets... And visually speaking, I think both are equally beautiful, and that probably makes me neither an optimist nor a pessimist, but a romantic. xD

Speaking of romantics, we also come in many flavours... Reflecting on a conversation on meteor showers the other day, I think that much as I'd love looking at starry skies, I don't get as excited as when I look at a sky full of colours or clouds. (I see that everyday and I still think it is breathtaking every time!) Though, now I suddenly yearn to go inside a planetarium to experience the 'wow' feeling before I can make that claim confidently... Science Centre, anyone? =D

Edit: After deeper probing, it seems that the SSC's Omni-Theatre/Planetarium is for IMAX movies (nothing star-related on the current list), while their portable planetarium system is by rental arrangements, and the Observatory stargazing is via telescopes. Hmmmm.

He gets his temper from his daddy.
He's got my eyes.
All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.
-- Mary Cooper, "The Big Bang Theory: The Luminous Fish Effect"

Burning Bridges

I have finally done a decent reading on the controversial events surrounding Ajahn Brahm that actually started two months ago. Late, I know! It took me many many articles to gather the main points and fill in the background knowledge, and still I hesitate to think I have sufficient understanding of all the issues involved.

For curious readers, I recommend this blog entry (first portion of it) for the gist of it with minimum jargons. What I'm going to write here will be more on my own mental reaction while reading rather than a discussion of the viewpoints. Let me warn early that I'm likely to be subjective and irresponsibly liberal and throwing pretentious poetic language in the following; you may not want to read on in your less tolerant moods...

Seeing as I do 'identify' with one 'side' of the controversy, I've been wary of having biases in forming my understanding of the matter. On top of that, I am usually a prick about how things are worded. An open letter from a direct participant put his points across in a way that made me think: "I cannot sense good intentions nor loving kindness in this" (as what I would expect given the writer's designation) and at that moment I thought I was surely going to be biased for that. (Or would that realization neutralize my opinion instead? Sway it the other way instead?)

Many comments raised many good points, both ways. I guess the heart of the matter can be as simple or as complex as anyone want to make it. As in many controversial issues I have pondered in the past (abortion, prostitution, homosexual marriage, ...) there is a clear-cut, indisputably positive value that humans are trying to achieve. In this case, it is gender equality, which I think hardly any reasonable society would deny nowadays.

However, that value almost always has many flavors. Contexts. Side effects, real or abstract, when different concerns are weighed. The 'statement made to the world' implied in performing an action. In endorsing it. Even in simply openly supporting it. Whether the implementation is proper or is damaging to the cause; whether that matters at all. Sacrifices, necessary evils, skillful means...

I am always of the opinion that if something makes someone happy without harming anyone else, let them have it. What constitutes 'harm', though? What constitutes 'happy'? Is it selfish to pursue a wish that not everyone is happy to see? Won't it be just as selfish to prohibit it?

I am also of the opinion that there is no need for 'statements', for labels, for clear sides. We can act based on what we believe in without flaunting it, without forcing others to accept it. Isn't that contradictory, now? =D Yet, as I have recently realized from what an openly bisexual celebrity said, there is a meaning to making that sort of statement, especially when one is not alone in that belief, when less fortunate others are hurt from being judged for the same belief.

The more I know
The less I understand
All the things I thought I knew
I'm learning again

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness
Forgiveness...

I suppose I am also making some sort of stand (even several) by writing this, vague as it is? As much as I want to think that people I interact with on personal or professional grounds shouldn't be affected by differing opinions on such specific matters as this (as with religion, race, political belief, ...) -- and that when the relationships are affected, then it would be in our best interests to keep a distance anyway -- I am still a coward who is wary about being judged.

Earlier on when I was contemplating signing the online petition, frankly, I had many doubts. Of all the points made, is there any pitfall? Are there potential unpleasant consequences? Will it be traced to my affiliations; will it reflect badly on them; will it reflect badly on me to them -- am I thinking too highly of myself there? xD Is a petition a wise step to take; will it make a difference?

In the end, just as I write this simply because I feel like writing (hence, pardon the lack of conclusions), I decide that I can take actions (or inaction) for my own biases and reasons, which do not even have to align with those of others on the same 'side'; and that making a stand is most importantly for my own learning and realization, of the values my life is based on, of the direction I am growing towards, of what I strive to be.

How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned,
or the way that she died?

How about... love?

(And quoting these lyrics out of their original context if maybe to make yet another point.)

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

What does it take
to live by one's own values,
when they do not coincide with popular opinion?

Constant self-assurance,
or else
just-as-stubborn mindset,
or else
smooth manners to conceal them well.

What does it take
when those very values
contradict the existence of these traits?

Just the answer to one question maybe:
"What am I living for?"

...be, nineteen years from now...

Early celebration of Angie's birthday yesterday. Much fun and sore throat had been had... and I think the 'plot-holed' attempt at making it a surprise just made it all the more memorable. =D It was nice to see Mal again too.

Maybe it is to be expected when it's someone like Angie, but I am still quite amazed to find 'lessons' to bring home from a birthday party. Was really touched when she talked about the founding days of Buddhist Fellowship 21 years ago, including the wavering period 11 years after, and how all of us wouldn't have been gathered there were it not for the few graduate students who themselves had never thought their simple target of "one project a year" would see a future as what BF is today.

Soracco itself has gone through many regenerations that it may not be as 'nostalgic' as say, a persisting friendship of the same people, but to many of us it is still something we are glad to be part of, something we watch grow with a heartwarming fondness... and I suppose its 'survival' is really thanks to the music foundation that Mal laid down and Aug carries on, Angie's lift and push, Ai Ling's loyal lead throughout.

Also, a good reminder of the Buddha's words from Dr Ang Beng Choo, relating people's contradicting opinions about Angie that she overheard:

"There will always be differing perspectives about anything. When the sun shines from the east, the tree casts a shadow to the west. When the sun shines from the west, the tree casts a shadow to the east. There is no need to worry about the shadow. Just make sure your tree grows strong and upright."

As Angie said, "If even someone like me can grow, there must be hope for all of you too." So... will keep working on it! ^^

士别三日

三日不见面，不作旧时看。

Would I rather you be consistent,
Would I rather the warmth of familiarity,
Would I rather know you always?

Would you rather I have surprises,
Would you rather the excitement of change,
Would you rather find me grown?

弱い自分に感謝

The accuracy of this attempted translation is very doubted, but it's as much for my language practice as it is for inspiration. I kinda need the encouragement right now, and it helps that I'm (still) in love with the author. =)

Liberties have been taken with structure/punctuation and phrasing.

---

"The current me ponders a lot about myself. In 1998 it wasn't so; in the past, I kept taking unnecessary matters to heart, lying to myself, being self-destructive as such. The person that I was rarely spoke up my opinions, even when I disagreed with others -- a very much 'leave me alone' personality. As a result, I found that the invisible burden of stress had unconsciously piled up in my heart. Therefore, I want to live with more kindness towards myself.

"I think there are probably countless people who are like me, whose personality left them feeling choked; lately there have been times when I feel that I [can] love this self even if it is like this. That is when this sort of words occur to me: 'It is all right even if I cannot become a strong person. Although I'm weak, it is all right if I can be strong at the important moments' or 'If while trying to become strong, I lose the ability to feel my own pain or other people's pain, I would hate it. If losing a gentle heart is [considered] strength, then it is better to remain weak. I am thankful for this weak self' and so on...

"When I look up at the clear blue sky, or when I am walking along the street at dusk, these words overlap with the scenery, and the love towards myself grows from the bottom of my heart. I recover my pure self. And, the self that speaks these things -- this too, I like very much."

---

Excerpt from 「物語の始まり」 ("The Beginning of the Tale"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi

Flowers in the Sky

The song that stuck with me after the end of the concert... and had come close to making me cry during one of the rehearsals.





Brahma of My Heart
i.gemz

Composer: Goh Sue San
Album: Cradled In Buddha's Arms


Do you remember the nights you lullabied me to sleep
Turning my tears to comfort and to laughter
Do you remember the days being the flowers in the sky
You showed me wisdom and guide me all the way

You have sacrificed for me, leaving heartprints of your love
Brahma of my home, teacher and my savior
You’re the hero of my life, gave me everything and more
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart

I will remember your hopes, I will make your dreams come true
I will turn your fears into courage and compassion
I promise to take care of you, share with you all the love I have
Please do believe me, my love for you shines true

You have sacrificed for me, leaving heartprints of your love
Brahma of my home, teacher and my savior
You’re the hero of my life, gave me everything and more
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart

-----

'Brahma' is a Pali word (lit. 'the great one') that has been used to denote many concepts, including 'parents'.

Let's Talk About S**

The mind has no gender.
-- Ajahn Brahm, on homosexuality


I'm not sure how to put this forth unambiguously but, just curious.. do you think of yourself as a certain gender?

I had a small realization, maybe a few years ago, when my supervisors referred to me while talking to someone else in the room, "She [verb] [object]..." (so I don't remember what they said, okay), that I am a 'she'. And hm, that sounds weird too, doesn't it.

But analytically, when thinking of oneself, one would think "I", wouldn't they, so it shouldn't be strange that one is not 'mindful' of one's own gender, non-physically speaking?

My gender-consciousness in early age has started in the form of hating boys back in elementary school, because the first few whom I got acquainted with had been troublemakers; though my best friend and I found out years later that one of them in particular teased her so much because he had a crush on her. =D It might just be that I was simply not used to get along with boys back then, with my sister-only siblings and the cousins plus neighbourhood kids I played with being all girls. In contrast to that, my university days have been spent more among guys than girls because of the nature of my field. Ah, changes.

I'm not sure why I saw them so much as rivals, too, in terms of academic achievements and other abilities. I don't remember having experienced any gender discrimination, aside from, probably, the ambient patriarchy in our culture, Indonesian as well as Chinese. Conversely, this could be partly because I was a bit fed up with the 'weakness' of some fellow girls with the it-doesn't-matter-anyway attitude.

If the above sounded haughty, I apologize. It wasn't meant to be.

In a way, I've grown up focusing on making achievements with a slightly unhealthy dose of feminist tendencies... and, consciously or not, avoided grooming myself in 'feminine ways' in terms of fashion, habits, lifestyle, and other aspects that I think are useless. Which celebrity was it who said there were no ugly girls, only lazy girls? I would fit that category. =D I admire my eldest sister who is a complete tomboy because she is firm and independent. I think our other sister is 'feminine' enough for all of us, so I only feel a slight 'obligation' to be a 'proper daughter' for our parents, to put it roughly. xD I used to grow my hair long because my father liked it when I was little, but slowly pragmatism took over and I don't anymore.

Once when I was chatting with several close friends over the merits of beauty-related shopping (myself leaning towards the anti), a male friend said jokingly, "That's because you're not a girl." I was surprised but I welcomed the debate happily, that "everyone has both masculine and feminine sides and it's just a matter of balance" -- and it wasn't until another girl in the group remarked good-naturedly that it was harsh of him, that it occurred to me some people might find it offensive. (I could imagine if the opposite was said to a guy...) But I believe this friend had dared to say it because he knew I wouldn't think much of it. To some extent, it was what I wanted anyway -- don't treat me as a girl; treat me simply as a person.

Along the same line, a few acquaintances had commented on my weight, either when I gained or when I lost it. Someone (a lady) told me I should lose weight, publicly, and that time too, another girl-friend 'stood up for' me despite myself finding it just a neutral comment. I had lost weight during stressful study/work periods and people who were not aware of the cause had commented cheerfully on that, while I was thinking, eh, this wasn't a good thing, was it? ^^0 But I have grown to like hearing such comments recently because of my surge of age-related health-conscience, ahahah.

Questionable rambling... but that flowed out because I deduce those are things girls usually find important based on these friends' reactions. Still, I think I am too halfhearted, too bound by conventional ways, to be considered really 'gender-free'. A true strong woman wouldn't even concern herself with half of what I'm talking about here. A mother wouldn't care how she looked all rugged and coarse after childbirth and who could be more ladylike than she at that moment, right?

Recent circumstances have made me more aware of this issue, and while I know it might be for the better that I start minding society's expectation on me based on this physical gender, I am a little irritated at myself for the increase in certain gender-associated mental qualities that have crept in along with it. It's not that I have not been sensitive to some (worthless) things (while being insanely dense to some others) before this but well, the expectations that trigger it have become more... shall we say... accessible.

Embrace your inner self, is it, but I really don't need to be girly, I need to be womanly. Human in a female way.

Hm, that reminded me of Tom Jones' "She's A Lady". =D 'Strive on with diligence', self.

This has been triggered by a different line of thought, but just to say that it happens to coincide with Hari Kartini, a day to commemorate gender equivalence. =) I don't know, a big part of this 'discussion' is probably ironically tainted with subconscious gender stereotyping, but if there's one way of thinking I want to propagandize, it is, again, that every person is made up of masculine as well as feminine qualities in varying balance -- define 'masculine' and 'feminine' as one (or one's society) would -- so, let us feel free to be, to show, to live up to either side?

Kiss the Sky Revisited

From Daily Literary Quote. For lack of a better adjective... cute? =)

To hell with reality!
I want to die in music, not in reason or in prose.
People don't deserve the restraint we show by not going into delirium in front of them.
To hell with them!
-- Louis-Ferdinand Celine (French author)

Past take on the topic

おくりびと ~Departures

As probably expected, many tears have been shed. And I'm really really impressed, because watching the movie has made me realize the distinction between crying over something sad and crying over something beautiful.

[Possible spoiler]
The view that death is not a 'bad' thing is certainly not new, but the perspective I've had of death has been about letting go. This movie introduced me to a wonderful other aspect of it, that is, being grateful towards the departing ones for what their living years have brought us. I wonder if this has always been the point of view of the Japanese?

Despite the humorous moments, there is a unique sort of quiet atmosphere that I think I felt in a lot of Japanese production of this genre ('human drama'?) -- not that I've watched a lot of them... This one is the serene type of silence; the last memorable one I've watched, 誰も知らない ~Nobody Knows, is the minimalist / undercurrent-disturbing sort; and one I recently glimpsed but didn't think I wanted to stomach the rest of, 2LDK, is the thriller-psychological / downright-disturbing sort. =P

Hunting for the soundtrack now, because of one certain scene that has no particular happening but whose mere music broke me down. Joe Hisaishi, indeed...

Heal the World

I've been playing the first on repeat recently so I thought I'd reco; and I just found out the touching meaning of the second song which happened to be along the same line so I thought I'd lump them together. >:D


Kanjani8, "fuka-fuka Love the Earth"
Theme song to NTV's Touch! Eco 2008

Softly, Softly Love the Earth
(OPV Version)

Surely, on this earth that we love mutually
There is no need for tears anymore
So smile

We were born in the same era
And have been living casually
But even this day that has simply passed by
I believe it has a precious meaning

Though the wind which blows as always
Doesn't seem to bring any difference
See, unknowingly we've passed each other
And lost sight of something

I exchanged greetings with you, yeah
Such a coincidence is so awesome, don't you think?

Surely, on this earth that we love mutually
There is no need for tears anymore
Because our hearts that feel for others
Will connect and turn into tomorrow
Let us, with tenderness
Softly, softly love the earth

Nothing will begin if we don't start
So let's take that one step forward
When we gaze at the countries across the sea
What would we think?

I will convey not only with words, yeah
I want to sing of a love that will always connect

Surely, on this earth that we love mutually
There is no need for tears anymore
Because our hearts that feel for others
Will connect and turn into tomorrow

This earth that we love mutually
We want to tenderly protect it for good
This world which shares its pain quietly
We wish for it to overflow with love
Let's sing a song about
Softly, softly loving the earth


-- Translation adapted from usacchon

SMAP, "Triangle"
A rather sad song compared to their much more popular "Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana" of the similar 'world peace' theme.

Triangle

My heart is a little off from the inside of my small room
No matter how much I strain my eyes, I just can't see it

If someone is praying up to the far away sky
If you're hiding and afraid

Contented with everything I had, I wander in search of tomorrow
In the gathering shadows, I can only find destruction
I can't love the world as it will be in the future

My eyes, your hands, our voices
All of them are different from one another; being free is life itself
My skin, your mother, our love
They are miracles that have fallen down
Onto this small blue planet floating in space

The silent feelings of the grandfather passed through time to the father
Wholeheartedly, they continued up the road heavy with harshness

We live, after being born without knowing the slightest trace of sadness
Let's inherit those feelings, I'll say it until my voice runs out

The heroes of countries at war, the women at wartime
Each is just as important, each is a life to respect
The gun we hold with a fearless expression
Is pointed at none other than our own hearts

It's been carved in deep, just like those wounds

My eyes, your hands, our voices
All of them are different from one another; being free is life itself
My skin, your mother, our love
They are miracles that have fallen down
Onto this small blue planet floating in space

The sadness of countries at war, unfulfilled motherhood
Each is just as important, each is a life to respect
The gun we hold with a fearless expression
Is pointed at none other than our own hearts

That's right, I'm afraid of what's in your hands


-- Translation adapted from Mognet