Wednesday, May 31, 2006



Rantau


Went for visa application at U.S. Embassy today (which would be Tuesday; see post timestamp...)

Approval was totally painless: "What's your name? Can I have your left index fingerprint? Now the right hand? Do you have any family in the U.S.? I'm gonna approve your visa, come on Thursday for collection." That considering I just witnessed a girl getting a hellish interview after letting on that she'd previously gotten an U.S. driving license while on vacation (okay, I eavesdropped, along with everybody in the small waiting room who chose to tune in).

But the road to it was (as Simon Cowell would say) astoundingly long. In terms of the queue processing time. One hour plus just to get into the building. (Yeah, still nothing compared to, say, Singapore Idol queues, huh? But I think the queue itself isn't that long, it's the time it takes to move...) Once inside it was the normal queue numbering system; quite acceptable. Plus waiting for the interview it took another one hour and a half.

Found that people in the same adversity do bond pretty well. =D I chatted with three strangers during the waiting time, which, considering it was me, was pretty much a record. Started with a question or request for some help, they smiled, I smiled, we talked.

All of them happened to be non-locals too, so maybe another factor for the bonding was the feeling that we were in a "foreign land"? Not that I felt that exactly, but there was this subconscious mindset, you know?

Also met Dwi there out of the blue, so that's one familiar face. =)


* For those who wonder, the title is an Indonesian word meaning "travelling on a foreign land"... sort of.


Wisdom In Progress


A good saying from Ajahn Brahm's talk today:

When it's hot, keep a cool head;
When it's cold, keep a warm heart.

At our hangout after the talk, we had some pretty enlightening discussion too. Started with a sort-of gossip about the organizers being "angry" at some issue, then SM questioned this anger because we were supposed to be a Buddhist community (who advocates non-anger). Deir said, that was Ren (human's) way, not Fo (Buddha's) way. Then Mal said, we shouldn't judge a religion by how the people behave, but instead, by how we ourselves behave -- does practising it make you a happier person? A better person?

Aside of that, I'm having a few personal revelations too. Maybe there really is time for everything, I've known all these all along but it was only now that I can connect them with what's happening inside me.



Sunday, May 28, 2006



PG


A few days ago (maybe Thursday seeing as it was AI day) I saw the ad for The Ring on Channel 5.

Am a coward for horror films thanks to The Sixth Sense so haven't watched this. Don't know why I was suddenly interested.

Was planning to watch it.

Eka said it wasn't as scary as the Jap version.

Was putting my clothes in the laundry some time before the movie started and having second thoughts because, hm, I might be getting another scar for life?

Yesie said, didn't people say it was crappy?

Yesie said she might be interested in watching too.

Watched it with Yesie.

Yesie got sleepy and wanted to go sleep before the movie was over.

Held Yesie's hand and begged *coughforcedcough* her to stay.

Yesie supplied her new blanket for eye cover.

Yesie stayed until the plot was revealed.

Stayed to watch the ending after Yesie went to sleep as I thought it was already safe.

"Thought" being the operative word.

Got scared and clicked the TV off.

Curious as to what the real ending was so clicked it on again.

Got scared and clicked the TV off.

Did the night routines, shut down lights, and went into bedroom.

Still curious so googled the ending spoiler.

Read a manga to brainwash a little.


Conclusion: nope, still no horrors for me yet.



Thursday, May 25, 2006



Glory Night


I am a squeaky fangirl.

(Yep, American Idol finale.)

Elliot was good with One. Sounds like his kind of song. I feel Mary J Blige was a little too sharp in that duet, though. Kinda the same as Katherine when singing with Meatloaf on It's All Coming Back to Me Now. Meatloaf threw me off at first with that super-emotional starting, but all in all they reminded me of how great that song was. When Ryan announced it and I missed the performer's name I thought it would be Celine Dion and almost squealed in joy. Nah.

Carrie's Don't Forget to Remember Me was great vocal control. Like it even more with the simple accompaniment and the one girl doing the seconds. Made me really listen to the lyrics for once (sorry Had, even after you lent me the CD ^^0) and they were very moving words. Like the violin too -- this instrument when employed like that really shines, ya? Remember that violin sequence in To Love You More?

Clay Aiken was cute. Odd hairstyle but who am I to talk, and that made him cuter, so. Didn't really get to appreciate his vocals because of the impersonator but I'm not blaming him, I'm busy staring anyway. =D

Prince was... purple. But not as bad as Taylor's flaming jacket the other night, at least. And nice footwork. Still, can't really understand how he got two songs (and after the off introduction by Ryan, or was it just me?) when they only gave Taylor and Toni Braxton like, very short. Speaking of which, Toni Braxton's moves and face expressions... were they kind of odd too? But, impressive low voice she got there.

Taylor's new single was quite nice. Feels a bit too mellow for him. Is this the first season they're having different singles for the two grand-finalists? Yet they are still the same mellowy type of songs, as all singles in the past seasons seemed to be. Now it feels that last year it might've been a bit unfair that Bo had to sing the same softie song as Carrie.

Kath shone with Somewhere Over the Rainbow yesterday and still gave me goosebumps even hearing it the third time (watched the first one's encore too so that's twice), but today she was not as exciting. Love her still. Remind me to find her picture in that Greek-themed gown on the Idol site or elsewhere. So beautiful.


Dionne Warwick was divine. She sang like it was effortless. And, glad to see Mandisa again. Somebody should scout her if not already.

Like that song Chris sang with the band, Mystery. Thought the band vocalist was pretty good-looking too. *snicker* It's his legs. Maybe he should actually feel insulted since I only ever admire girls' legs, but I'm sure he doesn't even care about my opinion.

The Gold Idol thing was hilarious, they should have it again. A bit rehearsed (ref. the Oompa Loompas), but that's reasonably fine.

I was so noisy when watching the show. Alone. Feels a little lonely sometimes that none of my housemates share this obsession with me, but given my watching antiques maybe there is a positive side to it.

So next, Singapore Idol? =D Already I voted for Mr. Nong Nong Ago on Channel 5 website when I dropped by to check the programme guide the other day. This Idol phenomenon is doing funny things with my composure. *ahem*



Tuesday, May 23, 2006



Transmission Delay


Found this pattern pretty often now: I feel strongly about something, I blog about it with quite intense wordings, somebody read it the day after and leave a comment, I read the comment and cannot find the same emotion I have at the time of writing, so I reply to the comment giving a totally different atmosphere.

I edit (and re-edit) all my writings, even if it's a simple two-line email reply -- I'm that obsessed. (But hey, interpretation is everything!) But rereading something two minutes after it is written is very different from rereading it with a span of a night's sleep or a day's worth of events. And certainly it's a good thing that the (usually bad) feelings never stays for long.

So, since it is such a fleeting thing, is it worth writing about on the first place? Or is it exactly because it is fleeting, that we should write about it while it hasn't passed? We who like to write sometimes write just for the sake of writing -- sharing links and general happiness are fine, but how about the negative waves I'm sending off with my frustrated blogs?

At this point, reminded of Tracy's comment. We've been singing some Chinese songs for our prison visits, since the community there is mostly Chinese. Our leader said to get more cheerful songs to lift up the spirits, and Tracy said, how to get more cheerful songs, people usually write songs when they are depressed what. =D

Of course, just a half-serious comment. From the statistics of Chinese songs we do have a lot more heartbroken songs than joyful ones. I think I went to a discussion a long time ago about this, where somebody said that negative emotions tend to be stronger than positive ones, and somebody else disagreed, citing as example positive actions inspired by love (without attachment, at that) if I remember correctly. And you know this kind of discussion has no conclusion, or if any then I don't remember, heh heh.

So is it also true that we find more angry blogs than happy ones? Yet, maybe it should be taken as a good sign that people take out their frustration on webpages and share their joy with other living people? =)


Tell Me On A Sunday


Suddenly find this very touching. =')

-----

Tell Me On A Sunday

Sarah Brightman
From "Tell Me On A Sunday" stageshow


Don't write a letter when you want to leave
Don't call me at 3 AM from a friend's apartment
I'd like to choose how I hear the news
Take me to a park that's covered with trees
Tell me on a Sunday please

Let me down easy, no big song and dance
No long faces, no long looks, no deep conversation
I know the way we should spend that day
Take me to a zoo that's got chimpanzees
Tell me on a Sunday please

Don't want to know who's to blame
It won't help knowing
Don't want to fight day and night
Bad enough you're going

Don't leave in silence with no word at all
Don't get drunk and slam the door, that's no way to end this
I know how I want you to say goodbye
Find a circus ring with a flying trapeze
Tell me on a Sunday please

Don't want to fight day and night
Bad enough you're going

Don't leave in silence with no word at all
Don't get drunk and slam the door, that's no way to end this
I know how I want you to say goodbye

Don't run off in the pouring rain
Don't call me as they call your plane
Take the hurt out of all the pain
Take me to a park that's covered with trees
Tell me on a Sunday please



Monday, May 22, 2006



White


Time, precious time. But my mind is blank. And not in a good way. Too many things not yet put in order, and I don't know where to start planning.

Like the white light which is actually a combination of the whole colour spectrum? But that's a beautiful thing, so not a correct analogy. Like the white noise with nothing you can hear yet you know the static's there and just a little disturbing? More like it.

It makes no difference in Microsoft Paint, but if you use Adobe Photoshop, this is where we should go for the Eraser instead of Fill > White. Or New Layer > No Fill (or is it Transparent?) and not 100% White. Am I making any sense to you? =Q

Wash, wash, wash. Start again.



Saturday, May 20, 2006



Pressure


Got upset over a small thing... Maybe I should be grateful that I don't have big problems so that all I have to get upset with are small things? =D Nah, lame. Just an ego check, part two.

The deadline extension thing is really messing everything up. As my housemates in the working world told me, you can never count on schedules to run the way they've been planned. Now everything is piling up for next week.

And still I won't work when I don't feel like working even if I'm awake and not eating or taking shower or doing other necessities. Like now. Or tomorrow when we'll be visiting another rehab centre. Or the day after when I'll be watching DaVinci with Eka. =D

Daya told me I worked well under pressure. Maybe because I don't care much about the pressure most of the time? =P If you were my boss I imagine you'd be pretty worried right about now.

Well yeah, from experience (but as I said, maybe I've just been very lucky all this time) we will get through this somehow. Things that were so bigggg like a month ago, are almost forgotten now. And this too shall pass.

Though oh, the hell we'll be through until then. =D



Tuesday, May 16, 2006



Reality to Ideality


We are rust waiting to fall away
We are clouds changing with the flow of air
We are water, running between earth and sky;
We are space, with only gravity to defy.

---

We're made out of blood and rust
Looking for someone to trust...
-- Joseph Arthur, "Honey and the Moon"



Monday, May 15, 2006



Ego Check


Every now and then I become a little vain... One minute I was criticizing somebody's lack of effort, and the next I found myself committing the same thing. Sometimes it is only context that differentiates our bad behaviour from someone else's, so really, don't say hate so easily.



Sunday, May 14, 2006



Live


Got this from Sumay and felt the need to recommend it some more. To quote Eka, "Saya merasa perlu menyebarkan ini." =D (She said that about Rod Stewart's latest jazzy album... or was it Kenny G's, Eka?)

KT Tunstall: Black Horse and the Cherry Tree
(on
YouTube)

Latest gold standard in solo live performance that I know of.

Other than that, feeling a little musically saturated right now after three nights of concert plus rehearsals and today's song-bearing visits. Stuffing Winamp with mellow things I can semi-ignore, because I'm not quite used to the silence yet. =P

Very pleasant visits nevertheless, today. The people were enthusiastic and that was uplifting for us volunteers. Sang with the amazingly-musical group of girls in CWP, and now I cannot get 童话 out of my head. ^^0



Saturday, May 13, 2006



Mask


So this is something I have quite a confidence in: I can't really control the feelings that come to me, but I can usually control how I show them to people. Especially if it's not a good feeling. I always have that split-second of deciding whether to take my temper out on someone or to let it go. And how much I care for the person in question is not really a deciding factor, but rather how clouded my mind is at the moment.

I'm a social coward; I dislike confrontation. A lot of times I chose to keep the agitation to myself. And I ended up being upset at me for not standing up for myself.

A few times, like just now, I chose to share my agony. Sometimes it was not even a very major thing, but I was tired, I'd tried being considerate, and why couldn't the other person make the same effort? This kind of thinking. And if I'd gotten to that point of losing my patience I certainly wouldn't care how biased it was.

Then I ended up being upset at me for being so unkind. 做人怎麼這麼難? I hate it when people speak hurtful words with abandon. Yet I had that moment to decide, and I chose to say those hurtful words.

So, whether I choose to be kind or unkind to other people... while I just can't let go, it seems I cannot yet be truly kind to myself.



Monday, May 08, 2006



Prolonged Death


One of the double deadlines I originally have today has been extended by a week. Got the news yesterday morning so at least I'd been able to go for my rehearsal + performance somewhat peacefully (I'm worryingly good in momentarily forgetting about problems until I am pressed to deal with them).

Didn't change the fact that my eyes are still drooping today because my colleague on that project brought up a last-minute problem Saturday midnight and we stayed up till dawn discussing over the phone... Didn't change the fact that my next deadline, which I've been putting off for the sake of today's deadline, is still on the 19th... So, glad for the deadline extension since heck, we need it badly, but the chain reaction also makes my plans go awry. Not that they are good plans to begin with (last-minute jobs, that's all they are).

Anyway, this kind of submission extension is definitely handy to have, so I'm just wondering what could be the reason for the conference organizers to decide it. Maybe if you're someone influential with tons of publications under your belt you can request for it? Would like to know so we can properly induce the situation in the future. Sure will be convenient, ah? =D

But until then, back to work, ye slacker. >_<



Thursday, May 04, 2006



Broken Thermometer


I like it when I see cool people.
At one time I wanted to be cool too.
I still do sometimes.
I try sometimes.
At the few attempts I had I found myself despicable, arrogant.
Maybe I need to know how to be cool.

I like looking at cool people.
I don't deal well with them.
It may be because I'm not cool myself.
I don't know how to respond to their sharp comments.
I find the coolness unapproachable, difficult.
Maybe I need to know how to define cool.

I like being with warm people.
They respond to my smile, they are free of thorns.
I think I want to be warm.
I can try to be cool all I want when I'm walking alone, standing alone.
Maybe coolness is only good for looking at.
Among other people, being warm is way cooler.


Overtime


AI advertisement break, streamed off NUSCast in lab. ^__^

Just now, passed by my supervisors' doors on my way to the restroom (whops, too much information?) -- darkened doors, as expected. I remembered being rather bewildered in my first year of research, when I was struggling so much (and still do!) how most professors can cope with that much work (surely they have more projects going on than us students, right, and they still have courses to teach) while still managing to more or less follow the office hours. A fellow research student (sorry, forgot who) told me back then, "Yeah, that's why they have us to do all those work."

After two years with my sups now I know, it's because they also work at home. (Well yeah, not the case for everybody.) I've been receiving their emails at night and over the weekend and on public holidays. Of course now I've also taken to emailing them belated promised results at twelve-thirty past midnight. =D

So, back to the (simulated) TV. The AI top five was performing a song together. With a whole lot of backing choir members. So I suppose that harmony at the end is not from our finalists, huh? I'd like to see them trying a cappella some time (and four is quite a good number for that *hint hint*). Hady never likes AI finalists performing together in the last few seasons, saying that they were pretty much soloists on their own and their singing did not blend as choral singing was supposed to be. I thought this group might not be quite bad, though.

And yeah, I did miss the show for my rehearsal last night. What an episode to miss when I like all the remaining ones and they were singing two songs each, argh. (Black Horse and the Cherry Tree! And Home!) But I think by now most people can guess the trend of the voting results up to the finals, even without watching... ETCK, I'm guessing? Though I hope it'd be TCEK.

Codenamed just in case someone thinks this is a spoiler, though it certainly is not and if you care to read this you'd know what those letters stand for anyway, don't you. (So what's the point, you ask? ...Er, "[nonsense] doesn't have to have a point, that's why it's [nonsense]"*?)

* Admittedly, a bastardized line from Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.



Tuesday, May 02, 2006



From the Inside of an Hourglass


Cheesy title. Whatever, I actually put that after writing this whole thing (except this part -- getting cyclic, aren't we) and still no proper inspiration for it.

Basking awhile in post-submission bliss -- you know, that negative side of the rewarding feeling after submitting a result to your boss, that makes you want to slack for a while... okay, not so
little while... So here I am blogging from my lab again. (Sure hope my sup never gets here, though he has caught me on MSN before, har.)

Just heaved a file binder (of hardly read research papers) back into the overhead drawer, and got a good laugh (discreetly, of course) from suddenly remembering Daya mentioning, during our group project many many years ago, that he had this thick Java manual at home that would kill a rat (or some other generally despised species that I don't remember precisely) if used to smack it. Now in his case I'm sure he didn't make that the purpose of the book's existence, and in my case I don't have rats to smack, but can't say these papers serve a more useful purpose (yet) either.

On another news... my sup has just told me to stop responding to this other student who's been asking for help in implementing the method in our published work. He'd seen our correspondence and decided I'd given enough help the first time, and that in the long run it would only be a time sink for me. That student had only to gain, I had only to lose, and in research there should only be gain-gain partnerships, he said. That mutualism symbiosis we learned about in grade school Biology, eh.

Thankful to him for pointing that out and of course I'd prefer saving my time (so I can waste it on something like this), though I sort of feel bad since I think I've received much help myself in the course of learning. Thought this kind of situation should be less pronounced in the academic world than along corporate ladders as I've heard, but I guess everyone pays the same price for time anywhere. Ah well, maybe balance is again the key? Altruism only when you can afford it?

Got another issue of time-splitting that would surely sound ridiculous after I put it down. So we have this musical coming up next week and there were rehearsals this last two holidays, but I'd been drowning in work (that granted the above post-submission bliss) so I'd skipped them, much to the chagrin of our conductor. So of course I shouldn't miss the next practice this Wednesday night.

If you know me and my semi-obsession of American Idol you'll already see the problem.
=PPP And Sunday is the concert itself so no hope for the encore either. Get my priorities right, Yesie told me, then she added that, well, maybe my priority is American Idol. I'm close to deciding that, you know. =D But let's hope my sense of responsibility doesn't ditch me tomorrow night. (And so lengthens the list of people I hope never get here. Har.)