Three Worlds

Saturday turned out very eventful. Even surreal, if only I'd been more of an imaginative person. =P I was out for about twelve hours and spent the whole time (that wasn't transportation) at one place, the National Library Building.

(1)st there was EOY 2009, the only premeditated event of that day. EOY is an annual "Japanese cross-cultural event" with the main focus on cosplay. I was aware of this event only this year because DIsk took part in the artwork section. Took some photos but I'm not sure about the publishing rights so not posting here..

I'm not unfamiliar with cosplay, but it was my first time experiencing it in person, though only as a spectator, of course. =D I hope people were not interpreting my uncontained grins as any ridiculing gesture. I was simply wow-ed that this thing I'd been seeing in fandom was actually happening where I lived.

It's a pity that I'm no longer that much of an anime fan, so I missed about half the references there. Those I did recognize are mostly the older titles that are still ongoing or have current sequels, and from these some I only know on the surface. Well, there were FMA, Naruto, Tenipuri, Bleach,... Ah, one exception, which was also a nostalgic sight I hadn't expected, was a girl dressed up as Suu from CLAMP's Clover, complete with the pretty wings. I used to love that type of fantastic angst, ahaha. Exception because the manga has ended cleanly (, beautifully, tragically) as far as I know; would love to know if there is continuation of any kind as I'll probably still be somewhat drawn to it...

The most impressive costume I saw was that of Lv Bu from The Three Kingdoms, with his fitting large built and spears in both hands. Also, cute Doumo-kun made an appearance!

Other highlights include the cosplay competition, whose participants were actually only a small subset of total people who cosplayed at the event, and anime music performances, which featured some amazing vocalists. The MCs, while giving me the impression as not being otaku-s themselves when they misread the names in the Bleach quiz questions, did exhibit the entertaining bluntness I've been seeing on Japanese TV by honestly admitting, "OK, it's time for lame jokes, as we need to stall time here while the next performer gets ready!" xD (I don't know, maybe it's an universal thing, just that I rarely watch non-Japanese shows nowadays.)

I found it odd that they delayed the single last contestant until after yet another half-hour break. There were exhibitions and merchandise + artwork booths we could patronize during these breaks, but the most important activity was to go around spotting the cosplay characters and taking photos of them (procedure: ask permission, wait for them to pose, snap, say thank you). The crowd grew larger in the afternoon and it became very difficult to move around, so I decided to leave before the end.

That led to the (2)nd experience of the day whereby I got tempted to venture into the lending area of the library. I'm not a member, so I didn't intend to borrow any book, only browse around to see if I could find any Grisham book I hadn't read. (I used to follow John Grisham quite closely throughout the period of my life when I was attending schools with such accommodating libraries, but have missed quite a lot since then.) Well, the only one I hadn't read that wasn't on loan from the branch happened to be "The Testament", so I settled with that.

Long story short, I ended up staying in the reading area finishing the novel in 5 hours. Would have taken longer if the library hadn't had to close at 9pm. xD It's been a while since I finished a full novel in one sitting! I was too lazy to apply for borrowing rights, so 15 minutes before the library closed I started skimming through the remaining pages, practically reading only the first line of each paragraph. Since I couldn't take the book out (or didn't try to find a way to...) I also skipped dinner and forgot about toilet breaks but did wish I had brought a jacket when the room felt colder as night came. =PP

Since I had also been lazy to hunt for food during the cosplay event, I'd brought three slices of pandan bread along, and had taken two out of those for lunch. xD (Taken another two for breakfast before leaving home, as well.) Now, exiting the library, I was eager to get to the bus stop so I could start munching on the last remaining piece, but--

The (3)rd, last, and strangest adventure happened not far from the exit when an elderly man called out to me, "Do you speak English?" I found it a bit strange since he looked Asian -- I mean, I mostly expect Caucasians to ask that question and expect Asians to ask if I speak Chinese... though come to think of it the Asians I've encountered so far haven't been asking that question but rather just shot their questions directly in Mandarin because I look Chinese. =PP

But I digress. The man introduced himself as a spiritual traveler (forgot his exact term) from Tokyo. At this point my cautiousness about "speaking to strangers" (and the hunger) was overcome by the thought of "oh, might be interesting to talk to him". =D; He said he wrote books and was trying to find publishers for them. He told me the content of his books and asked my opinions about his choices for the titles. Since I'm just as fussy about words and titles, I kind of didn't mind discussing that with him.

My cautiousness returned when he asked if I wanted to buy any of his books. But having some interest in literature myself, I thought it was quite a worthy 'cause' even if he turned out to be a swindler, so I took his short story collection and gave him ten dollars. ^^0 He later 'threw in' a printout of his poems on Hiroshima and several pages of haiku.

Just before I wrote this post I did some Google search based on the name printed on his books, and found this page. That was him all right, Asano Hideo-san. The listing on Amazon also confirmed the books he talked to me about.

The page I linked above has the information and links about him, and I've also left a comment summarizing the conversation we had. Well, 'racist' is quite a fitting description, but I do think most humans are 'racist' in their own way to some extent, though to be fair I happened to be outside the groups he spoke against, so I could afford to be neutral about it. =| He was definitely stereotyping and being rather hard-headed about it, too, though I could mostly comprehend the contributing factors to his opinions.

I'm avoiding sensitive issues here xD so just one relatively safe example, maybe. He was disappointed that the locals he met had not even recognized such names as Hemingway (his favourite author) or Nietzsche or Kant. I happen to know these people from the quotations I like to read, but I did tell him I hadn't actually read their books. He was quite pleased, anyway, and apparently he had also met another Indonesian (from Jogjakarta, he said) who was literature-aware, so he wondered what motivated our thinking beyond money/business that seemed to be the 'theme' in this country. =PPP Well yeah, I told him things might be different if he had asked the locals who majored in arts, and no matter where we came from I guess those with no interest in literature will still not recognize those names? xP I suppose it's just because he has a bias for the field he loves.

All in all, a very interesting encounter. Not sure if I'd be comfortable meeting another like him or having another one-hour conversation the next time I bumped into him... but the 'flavour' of his inquisitive thinking is indeed similar to mine. I mean, there are matters that I simply don't care much about, and when some critical people question this and that about those matters I'd be like, "What's the big deal?" =PP But he was close to a kindred spirit, if maybe rather extreme about it.

And that was how my Saturday went. Twelve hours, five slices of bread, three worlds, one venue. xD (Indulge me, it's big enough for my scale LOL.)

The Sun Also Shines at Night

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! I'm really bad at wishing people these things since I'm not much for celebrations myself. =P Also feeling a little 'delinquent' the past week, I guess, wanting to just take care of my own worries and left with little mental energy to deal with other things.. even though I have time to spare, in the end. Ah, forgive my selfishness, despite this being the season of sharing and all. -_- Well, I still went to gatherings I've committed to and those I chose to commit to and hopefully behaved acceptably sociably? Ahaha.

The above-mentioned worries have also led me to clear my schedules for the long weekends in case I need to take care of them, but I end up free anyway, so I went for a last-minute-planned lunch and second-hand bookstore cruising with DIsk today. The latter itinerary item was again my selfish quest since I've had my eye (and occasional yearning thought) on a book in Bras Basah Complex for two weeks. I didn't buy it when I first spotted it because (1) it was bulky to take to my next agenda, and (2) I needed time to succumb to the temptation and tell myself I could afford to stuff my room with one more collectible item. =)P

There it is, my latest 36x44cm hardcover full-colour baby. ^^ The pic was actually taken at the store that first time when I didn't buy it yet (for reminder mah), hoho. DIsk said it was a geeky purchase, but what seduced me are more the high-resolution, pretty images inside. So much better for drooling and gushing over, while the knowledge aspect could probably be obtained freely and more extensively on the internet, fufufu.

With this event tomorrow, seems I will have a quite eventful Christmas weekend after all. We'll see about the New Year weekend when it comes. There are still issues left to handle but time is really an unbeatable factor right now, and much as I am easily bothered by indeterminately pending plans, I do detach myself quite well... even if I do say so myself, ha. I sense that some are thinking this is 'cold' of me, and I'm still not enlightened enough not to bother about such opinions, but I reevaluate my (saturated) considerations and reaffirm this growing courage for self-expression that seem to come with age, and well... things are okay somehow? xD

In response to Eka's encouragement I said that it wasn't really in my belief to 'pray', but leaving the perspective difference aside, I.. we.. do draw on many sources of strength-- the kindness of people from close friends to gracious strangers, every little thing however silly or earthly that help to lift our spirits, my own faith in life and powers unseen-- a litany of my own definition, maybe?

Litany

i see the moon, the moon sees me
the moon sees the ones i cannot see
please let the light that shines on me
shine on the ones i love.

be strong.

Be Gentle With Hearts, You Cannot See Them

Maybe he deserves it,
Maybe she brings it upon herself,

Maybe it's trivial,
Maybe it's exaggerated,

But so long as it is felt,
Pain is pain.


Assume nothing of hearts;
You cannot see them.

Be respectful of hearts;
You cannot tell how weak, how strong.

Be gentle with hearts;
You may not know when they're breaking inside.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, "The Little Prince"
As translated by Katherine Woods

Days of Leisure

Back from a two-day cruise trip. =) Star Cruises to Malacca/KL, with sis and bro-in-law. As what would usually be called a 'getaway', but I went more for the experience rather than the need for escape, since I think I enjoy my routine life all right, ahaha.

So, obligatory trip photos and accompanying rambling...


Well, first of all, our cabin door, though this photo was taken just before checking out. =D I like the green color of it (hence the photo; not for any 4D adventures), but it's not coming out right in this photo because of the lighting right above it. =|

Didn't spend much waking hours in there of course, but since the TV had a Japanese channel, NHK, I tuned in for a while to see if I see anyone I know. =)P


We tried to catch the sunrise on the first day, but the clouds were so thick we didn't really see much. Still, I think the clumpy pinkish clouds were 'cute', and the sky-horizon-sea view was one of the best highlights of the trip to me.


We missed the timing on the second day, but at least still not too late to see this beautiful view:


So delighted was I, that I asked to be photographed with it (the only one with my face you're going to see on this page lol)...


...and proceeded to take the pictures of the sun rays falling on various objects...



That last one also showed the jacuzzi, which we specifically planned for using. =D Sounds a bit kampung (sepok) huh. LOL.


Water slide, and yes, I did get on it. =D; Was of course "don't want, scary, can't swim" on the first day when my bro-in-law braced the long queue for it twice, but the next day he managed to convince all of us that it was definitely safe. Well, since we were already in our swim wear after the jacuzzi, after ascertaining the harmlessness of the water trap at the end of the ride, we finally went.


Luckily we listened to him, because it was wonderful to be sliding through the view of open sky at those parts. =D; Well, this morning I found out there was also a water slide beside the Jurong West Sport and Recreation Centre, which should be more accessible than the cruise. =)


More things by the pool side. These made me think of R2-D2 so they got a camera share. =D


Also thought that looked scientific, even if the reflection on the glass cover was a bit distracting. You could see my camera-holding hands reflected on it too, ahaha.


If you've seen my excessive photographing of the sky before, hopefully this won't seem too random. I thought the wave patterns were pretty...


...and pretty thought-provoking, too. Seeing the white bubbles race forward and then disappear, it was like a reminder of: 'Life is transient, so how far can you go before it ends?'

The land of destination was Malaysia, where we only spent 3 hours. Shopping, of course. >:D No pictures from the mall since we were pretty much in a rush, lol.


So, how different was Malaysian sky? Maybe not much difference, but it felt 'gentler' to me somehow. As in, the blue is of a lighter shade, so less contrast with the clouds' white.


Nearing dusk, adorned with the sudden gush of birds...


The best highlight of the trip was unfortunately something I couldn't take a picture of. At night, out at sea, the sky was a darker dark, and the stars seemed so near. Felt like I was face to face with Orion (which gave me the urge to sing that Nakashima Mika song to it everytime, lol), and I wished I had studied more of the constellation map to recognize those around it. Three-quarters of that dream fulfilled now...? (Yeah, I'm easy.)

At one time I was standing at the darker side of the ship, facing the part of the sky that had no visible stars. Before that I had thought it would be nice to have an undisturbed view of the sky, but at that time it actually felt a little scary to be looking at the pitch black without any 'grounding' object at the corner of my eyes.

Anyway... since my camera couldn't capture those, I took photos of the night lights and their gorgeous reflection on water instead...


On our last night onboard, they held a 'farewell party' with chocolate buffet (if only we had more stomach space after all the buffet dining throughout the day!) and a cool band performance. They captured my attention with an impressive Christmas medley a cappela, and performed some swing-y songs I didn't recognize but happily swayed along to anyway.


Remember the R2-D2 from before? Those turned out to be light projectors for this stage. =D


This photo was taken from a weird angle as I was actually starting to leave already, thinking it was getting late. But halfway to the cabin they stayed my feet with the catchy 'Summer of 69', followed by other rock classics, and even slipped in that famous 'Nobody'. xD


The trail we blaze left as we were nearing Singapore.


And a last picture of the sky, just because. >:D

More photos on the Facebook album here. In the past I'd make a page on my website for easier organization, but I won't have access to it for much longer, so I'm withdrawing little by little. =P

男になりたい

『夢をかなえるゾウ』ドラマに、「男になる」という課題が出た。（主人公は女性。）
興味深いですけど、自分は「女らしい処も  男らしい処も  両方も持ってでいい」ような信念だよね。
でも —



他に（女性の）KK 二人のファンから聞いた:「男性なら、剛のソロからを紹介するでいい。」
その「剛のソロ」というの音楽はね、funky でなければ、超 emo だ。
ある時そのタイプは本当にダメだよ、私によると。演奏が凄く良いと思うけども。

...ですから、「ちょっと、男になりたいなあ」と思った。
少しだけ知っておきたい —
男性なら、どんな目線に彼を見つめる？どんな感じで？
暗いがよい？
こちと同じ意見、そのような人間が  素敵ですか  不思議ですか？

これ、変？（笑）

Glorious

So this is what it feels like;
This is how it feels when you're finally walking on the inside.
This is what it looks like;
This is how it looks from the outside staring in.

"Are you in love lately?" she asked,
which I thought was strange, back then,
but she might have read it right after all, because

the sky throughout November
has been the prettiest I've seen of her,

these dreams I'm now courting
might have been flirting with me all along, unnoticed,

and a long-time adoration I thought was flawed
is turning out capable of stirring in me, emotions
as profound as gratitude.

So who cares if the attraction is superficial,

when I finally get a glimpse of the world inside
and with such clarity,

when I'll take without hesitation, a choice inferior, yet
unfailingly beloved;

this freedom it has dared me to take
if maybe too shallow to call happiness,

is still pretty close to

light.

Fuyu no Seiza Orion

Thanks to the long downpour that cleared the sky, and the big bright full moon that drew my attention up there, half my wish has been fulfilled today. xD The stars were so visible tonight!

[Edit 7 Dec 2009:] Thanks to the timing I exited the building too probably; these days they seem to come out to play around 10pm.

I've always wondered how people can identify constellations when the positions always seem so vague to me. =P After a bit of digging I think the one I saw is Orion, judging from the three in the lineup plus the trapezoid corners:

Picture courtesy of christiancyberspace

Even with just a small piece like this, among the intrusions of the now-too-bright, now-too-dense street lightings of this city, it felt pretty amazing. =) Not as interesting as the ever-changing view of the sky when it is rich with colors, but there is a different kind of amazement in the vast darkness, the way the stars go in and out of sight as our vision adjusts to different regions of that darkness.

(I still want to go to a well-built planetarium someday for an even more profound emotion, weird as it may sound after this non-artificial experience. =D)

Now while my adrenalin is settling down, here are some constellation-themed songs! ^__^


Nakashima Mika, "ORION" [Ryuusei no Kizuna OST]




Otsuka Ai, "Planetarium" [Hana Yori Dango OST]




Onitsuka Chihiro, "Ryuuseigun" (Meteoric Swarm) [Trick II OST]




And lastly, an old-time favourite of mine:

OMD, "Walking on the Milky Way"

Lyrics Roll

So I dumped a few (newly acquired / long neglected) folders on Windows Media Player, and sorted the songs by track numbers, then a few interesting lines got caught on my hearing as they drifted on---


Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me? It's not the first time, it's not the worst crime; your soul will be okay. Live high, live mighty, live righteously, taking it easy. If you don't know, then you can't care.

And that's why I don't drink and drive, because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth and have to kiss my smile goodbye. You walk around here, thinking you're not pretty. And I take everything from you, but you'll take anything, won't you?

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can't place her. You'd think me rude but I would just stand and... stare. See, love will never ever be lost on me.

All right, sit down and spill your heart. Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel, or just the train? ...And don't mind my nerve, you could call it fiction.

Spectrum

Something Resh said in yesterday's talk that really stayed with me: (paraphrased)

No teaching can lay a monopoly on Truth. The path is individual. When you use the knowledge on your own experience, scars and pain, the path becomes your own.

A somewhat relevant thought that has been in my mind lately runs in a different direction...

There are a lot of personality categorizations: extrovert/introvert, optimists/pessimists/realists, and so on. People usually do not fit exactly into one end. What's more, the in-between states manifest in not only many degrees but also many flavours.

There are the outgoing people who lead conversations and keep the group spirit high; there are the reserved people who listen silently and speak only when necessary; and then there are the geeks, who generally keep to their thoughts but come alive on specific topics. =)P

(Side note: I am very much hooked on The Big Bang Theory recently and am recommending it to any friend with the slightest geek inclination or even without.)

I was thinking that it probably resembled the colour palette produced by varying the RGB component balance-- just much, much more complex, considering the number of distinct trait-controlling genes in our DNA sequence... add to it the accumulation of different experiences, environments... I think it is closer to irregular by then.


There is also the sunrise/sunset test: people who prefer sunrise are said to be optimists while people who prefer sunset are said to be pessimists. I don't really stand by this theory if I think of the nocturnal people who begin their day on sunsets... And visually speaking, I think both are equally beautiful, and that probably makes me neither an optimist nor a pessimist, but a romantic. xD

Speaking of romantics, we also come in many flavours... Reflecting on a conversation on meteor showers the other day, I think that much as I'd love looking at starry skies, I don't get as excited as when I look at a sky full of colours or clouds. (I see that everyday and I still think it is breathtaking every time!) Though, now I suddenly yearn to go inside a planetarium to experience the 'wow' feeling before I can make that claim confidently... Science Centre, anyone? =D

Edit: After deeper probing, it seems that the SSC's Omni-Theatre/Planetarium is for IMAX movies (nothing star-related on the current list), while their portable planetarium system is by rental arrangements, and the Observatory stargazing is via telescopes. Hmmmm.

He gets his temper from his daddy.
He's got my eyes.
All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.
-- Mary Cooper, "The Big Bang Theory: The Luminous Fish Effect"

Burning Bridges

I have finally done a decent reading on the controversial events surrounding Ajahn Brahm that actually started two months ago. Late, I know! It took me many many articles to gather the main points and fill in the background knowledge, and still I hesitate to think I have sufficient understanding of all the issues involved.

For curious readers, I recommend this blog entry (first portion of it) for the gist of it with minimum jargons. What I'm going to write here will be more on my own mental reaction while reading rather than a discussion of the viewpoints. Let me warn early that I'm likely to be subjective and irresponsibly liberal and throwing pretentious poetic language in the following; you may not want to read on in your less tolerant moods...

Seeing as I do 'identify' with one 'side' of the controversy, I've been wary of having biases in forming my understanding of the matter. On top of that, I am usually a prick about how things are worded. An open letter from a direct participant put his points across in a way that made me think: "I cannot sense good intentions nor loving kindness in this" (as what I would expect given the writer's designation) and at that moment I thought I was surely going to be biased for that. (Or would that realization neutralize my opinion instead? Sway it the other way instead?)

Many comments raised many good points, both ways. I guess the heart of the matter can be as simple or as complex as anyone want to make it. As in many controversial issues I have pondered in the past (abortion, prostitution, homosexual marriage, ...) there is a clear-cut, indisputably positive value that humans are trying to achieve. In this case, it is gender equality, which I think hardly any reasonable society would deny nowadays.

However, that value almost always has many flavors. Contexts. Side effects, real or abstract, when different concerns are weighed. The 'statement made to the world' implied in performing an action. In endorsing it. Even in simply openly supporting it. Whether the implementation is proper or is damaging to the cause; whether that matters at all. Sacrifices, necessary evils, skillful means...

I am always of the opinion that if something makes someone happy without harming anyone else, let them have it. What constitutes 'harm', though? What constitutes 'happy'? Is it selfish to pursue a wish that not everyone is happy to see? Won't it be just as selfish to prohibit it?

I am also of the opinion that there is no need for 'statements', for labels, for clear sides. We can act based on what we believe in without flaunting it, without forcing others to accept it. Isn't that contradictory, now? =D Yet, as I have recently realized from what an openly bisexual celebrity said, there is a meaning to making that sort of statement, especially when one is not alone in that belief, when less fortunate others are hurt from being judged for the same belief.

The more I know
The less I understand
All the things I thought I knew
I'm learning again

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness
Forgiveness...

I suppose I am also making some sort of stand (even several) by writing this, vague as it is? As much as I want to think that people I interact with on personal or professional grounds shouldn't be affected by differing opinions on such specific matters as this (as with religion, race, political belief, ...) -- and that when the relationships are affected, then it would be in our best interests to keep a distance anyway -- I am still a coward who is wary about being judged.

Earlier on when I was contemplating signing the online petition, frankly, I had many doubts. Of all the points made, is there any pitfall? Are there potential unpleasant consequences? Will it be traced to my affiliations; will it reflect badly on them; will it reflect badly on me to them -- am I thinking too highly of myself there? xD Is a petition a wise step to take; will it make a difference?

In the end, just as I write this simply because I feel like writing (hence, pardon the lack of conclusions), I decide that I can take actions (or inaction) for my own biases and reasons, which do not even have to align with those of others on the same 'side'; and that making a stand is most importantly for my own learning and realization, of the values my life is based on, of the direction I am growing towards, of what I strive to be.

How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned,
or the way that she died?

How about... love?

(And quoting these lyrics out of their original context if maybe to make yet another point.)

Which Side Are You On?

The sky this morning.

(sorely tempted to make corny references to 'the Dark Side of the Force')

The proportion of clouds compared to 'sky' also reminds me of this quote:

"How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean."
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Woman

Update entry accumulating the several past weeks. =) 'Woman' happens to be a common thread running through the rambling that follows.


-- be an evil woman --

So... I finished watching Yume wo Kanaeru Zou ('Dream-fulfilling Elephant') some weeks ago. It's a comedy about the elephant god Ganesha (ah, ITB mascot!) who appeared to people wishing to change themselves, and taught them how to do so by giving 'tasks'. Some of these tasks felt like the points in a self-improvement book, but there were also some that were pretty thought-provoking. The prelude special starred Oguri Shun as a salaryman who wanted to be successful, while the proper 13-episode series starred Mizukawa Asami (i.e. how I found this drama =3) as a woman who dreamed of a happy (married) life. There were plenty of parodies including one of Death Note I still feel like laughing at, cheesy as it might be. xD


Of all the tasks I particularly remember a rather peculiar one: "Be an evil woman". It certainly puzzled the main character, as she was on a mission to charm men. The task meant for her to say and do what she wanted instead of suppress her true opinions for the sake of being perceived polite or nice. The application in the drama was of course exaggerated for comedic effect, but I think it was a pretty good advice actually, for people with sheepish personality like mine, and also in the context of the Japanese society where one is always careful not to be rude or to inconvenience others. It means acting as oneself instead of merely reacting to the surroundings. It is, contrary to what it may seem, an appeal.

My watch-list then moved on to Majo Saiban ('The Witch Trial') -- that is, the real 'evil woman'. =) Well, deciding whether or not this woman is evil is a major point in this court drama, revolving around the lay judge system that was apparently newly put into effect in the country this year. (Anyone recall John Grisham's The Runaway Jury?) The case is of a woman -- an awe-inspiring one in many ways! -- accused of murdering her lover in order to inherit his wealth. As one of the characters said in the drama, though, "the verdict has nothing to do with the truth", because the judges were manipulated via threats as well as vague evidences. The string of twists was mostly quite intense (though I wished they hadn't played on the 'psycho villain' thing too much), and even the ending was... should I say... riling. =P In Indonesian term, 'geregetan', lol.


-- woman's day out --

As for life off-screen, I had a fulfilling me-outing last Saturday. Ehm, nothing particularly womanly in the activities (in fact, most were rather unwomanly-geeky if we were to stereotype) but... yeah... I'm a woman, and let's focus on the singularity of that noun instead of the gender implication? ^__^

It started with The Blue Mansion movie, which I've been wanting to watch. Eka only wants to know who kills the guy. xD As it turns out, this dark comedy focuses more on the family dynamics rather than the murder mystery. I think it is pretty well done and enjoyable. Being a local movie, it didn't lack the hilarious Hokkian moments, too. =D The only thing I have against it is the paranormal angle in the resolution, but I am quite content to apply my own interpretation to it.

Afterwards, I couldn't find my fave Korean hotplate tofu set in Plaza Sing kopitiam -- did I remember wrongly? -- so I ended up having a Yoshinoya lunch. Somehow I still feel a little insecure eating alone in malls =D; (while canteens are of course okay) but I liked the meal so it wasn't difficult to ignore the other customers who weren't watching anyway, lol.

My errands for the day were to get my watch battery changed [*check*] and to get a gift [*check*]. Speaking of which, I owe the good ideas for the two most recent gifts I've bought to the just-in-time suggestions from Yesie and Eka, respectively. Casual mentions of such things have good results! Thanks, gals.

Quite a number of stores were having 'moving out sales' in Plaza Sing, that I wonder if something is happening.. I took one round each in Fila and Hang Ten but didn't get anything from there. The more tempting one was Sembawang's half-price deal for all their CDs. The store corridors were not wide to begin with, and at that moment they were filled with stacks of CDs as well as (probably many times the amount of their usual) customers, but still I spent an hour or so scouring the title lineup, and honestly, felt kind of a bonding with the people there as we kept excusing ourselves while carefully maneuvering our bodies around each other. xD That and our love for music and our opportunistic kiasu-ness? Ahahaha.

I of course hovered back and forth the Asian pop section mostly, and was considering to get one of the albums by one of my favourite artists just for collection, but in the end decided there wasn't really a point to it. =P Not a very good fan, huh. But I figured I'd save my money to buy more worthy collectibles that they would still be producing. =3


-- girl-talk --

Moving on... yesterday, had a mini picnic at Vivocity with the choir bunch initiated by Rebecca, after the rehearsal. Two guys and four girls, and we still managed to have some women-talk. =3 Well, men-talk too, as Julia, as always, had a lot of gender observation stuff to share, on top of her very unique recent experience. I think I've always been too attracted to gender-defying views to not be skeptical about such categorizations, but as a generalization those are interesting and useful knowledge. And oh, August also linked us to this very funny 'lecture' on men's vs women's brains:




-- lady in red ...or blue? --

Last update... got a new pair of spectacles today because I (accidentally, of course) added one more crack to it a few days ago, and this time it was not quite negligible. =P While choosing the frame I was attracted to a flexible kind with modern-ish design, but it had to go with impact-resistance lens which were costly. For my second choice I hesitated between a red-black one (striking!) and a navy blue one (more 'general-purpose'). Red or blue -- warm or cool -- right or left -- 51 or 244? xD (Ahem, ignore the last one, just my random fandom bit.) In the end, my pragmatic side won, so...


-- masculine-feminine --

To close off! (Woooo, longest post in a while...) Just got this hilarious Rose of Versailles parodying commercial from DIsk (a 'childhood shattering' discovery, to borrow his term, so RoV purists please consider that a warning) and since it involves the all-female musical group Takarazuka, I thought it'd be appropriate. (Come to think of it, the story itself is already a gender-bender, and now that both 'men' are acted by women, it gets even more twisted!) Enjoy!

Let Death See You Smiling

I've been more selective with movies lately, and I'm happy to say that most of what I've watched I would gladly recommend to others. =) Today, it is My Sister's Keeper. It is sort of a 'dark horse' to me; I've seen the poster but haven't been attracted enough to check it out before Eka asked if I'd want to watch. The promise of non-straightforward moral issues in the synopsis got me interested, and while the movie did deliver those, they were not the strongest impression I got by the end of the movie, because the story had much more. Well, we cried a whole lot. xD The runny nose I got was quite reminiscent of Okuribito..

After Wiki I found out there were differences from the original book. I kinda like both versions in this case. The movie's soundtracks are very nice too...

Life is beautiful
We love until we die

Let the monsters see you smile,
Let them see you smiling.

Do I hold you too tightly?
When will the hurt kick in?

Life is beautiful
but it's complicated.

We don't need to understand
There are miracles, miracles

I will hold you tightly
When the hurting kicks in.

Stand where you are
We let all these moments pass us by.

This is ours just for a moment
There's a lot that we can give.

Also invested 21.90 dollars in a foldable umbrella from Umbrella Label today. Quite ex surely, but I've been fed up with under-five umbrellas whose frame snapped broken within the first few times I used them and were close to useless in the strong wind. Hopefully this one will be durable, I'll let you know after a few months maybe. It is baby-blue and has cute giraffes on it... what I would call an 'Eka-approved' feel, lol. Speaking of which, my taste in umbrella colours can run from humble dark green to elegant maroon to striking purple, depending on my mood at time of purchase. Hm..

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

What does it take
to live by one's own values,
when they do not coincide with popular opinion?

Constant self-assurance,
or else
just-as-stubborn mindset,
or else
smooth manners to conceal them well.

What does it take
when those very values
contradict the existence of these traits?

Just the answer to one question maybe:
"What am I living for?"

Acoustic Lovelies 2007

Did some catching up with artists who have enchanted me in the past, and they didn't disappoint indeed.

Three talented ladies, all of whom happened to release their latest albums in 2007. Live versions, because they shine like that.


Katie Melua, "If You Were A Sailboat"
Album: Pictures
Hunt down her other songs for: flowy, relaxing melodies like this one

Interesting bits from Wikipedia:

Melua said of the song: "...a lot of love songs tend to deal with the fluffy nice side of love, but this one deals with how you get very selfish when you fall in love with someone, and you don't want to share them with the world, you just want them all about yourself. ... Musically it sounds like a really nice smooth love song, but the message is pretty intense and quite dark."

Mark Radcliffe of BBC Radio 2 was amused by the lyric 'If you were a piece of wood, I'd nail you to the floor', and asked his listeners to send in equally strange lyrics and compose a parody song for her to sing, not expecting her to actually do so. However Melua sportingly contacted the show and agreed to play the song. The lyrics included 'If you were some tiling, I would grout you.' and 'If you were ten pints of beer, I would drink you down my dear'.




Missy Higgins, "Where I Stood"
Album: On A Clear Night
Hunt down her other songs for: emotive, brooding ballads like this one




KT Tunstall, "Saving My Face"
Album: Drastic Fantastic
Hunt down her other songs for: impressive live performances

Tatami Potato

Orthros no Inu has put me in the mood for detective dramas, so I finally got down to watching Ryuusei no Kizuna, which had actually been sitting on my harddisk since it was out months ago, even before Orthros. (The consecutive Nishikido-sidekick choices are purely coincidental.)

Given the somber theme, I was pleasantly surprised to see wonderful crack-ish sense of humor reminiscent of Kisarazu Cat's Eye -- and later found out that they indeed shared the same scriptwriter. While KCE's hilarity was more in the event twists (delivered in a rewind/fast-forward, fill-in-the-blank technique much like a roller-coaster ride yet with smooth and comprehensible transitions), Ryuusei's was in the way it delivered the story-within-story down to the mock title sequence and cast intro and the consistent Post-It tagline (watch it to know the significance). I was slow in catching the parodic reference to lead actor Ninomiya's "Letters from Iwojima", and had since been curious if the others were also references to things I wasn't aware of...

I find it impressive how this series managed to be hilarious and touching and thrilling, and achieved all three magnificently. The child actors also did a good job of making me cry along with them. I'm not sure if some would find the solution predictable (I did suspect a twist but aimed it at the wrong person =P) but to me the emotional tension was strong enough to keep me on the plot track they laid out.

Speaking of lead actress Toda Erika, Liar Game will apparently continue its storyline in Season 2 winter this year, and conclude in a final movie next spring. Looking forward. \(^^)/

Next in the watching queue... probably Majo Saiban (having stalked the lead actor on-and-off from Hanakimi backwards to Akihabara@Deep and forward to Maou), before I make the descent to the seemingly dark, dark Zeni Geba... after which I have the seemingly true-crack Love Shuffle ready for detox, lol. But depending if my mystery appetite continues, they may make way for Odoru Daisousasen, an Oda Yuuji classic which I just heard of recently and is still in procurement process.

(I've had more than a year to get/watch the above dramas, so don't let the long list mislead you about the extent of my obsession... yet.)

(--After all, I haven't told you about other shows I stalk, na? ~_^)

#1

always am weak for your tears
no matter how trivial they seem
and these
made me realize
to you, nothing is ever trivial
when it comes to us.


do i love you well? can i love you well?
-- ASKA, "Hajimari wa Itsumo Ame"

Stalking Cinema 2009

Went to watch The Proposal yesterday. All for Sandra Bullock, lol. It's entertaining. Not fantastic, but that was expected. Watched it alone, and I realized I've been too used to watching things on my computer, because I commented to myself and physically reacted to the movie as though I were in my own room. ^^;;;

Saw the trailer of The Blue Mansion, which has Adrian Pang and Swee Lin + Kay Siu, among others. Immediately had my eyes set on it! =D The narration in the trailer (see website) has that humorous-thriller Desperate Housewives feel (um, based on what I remember of that series, having watched, like, one or two episodes ^^0) and I think the plot development would be interesting.

...Then, that reminded me of another trailer that really impressed me a while back:


十月围城 (Bodyguards and Assassins)

I went through a few versions to find the exact one I meant (as above) =D; because at that time the powerfulness of the sequence really captured me -- particularly around 0:58 onwards. But teasers aside, I'm not quite into the genre so I'm not planning to watch it, but maybe we'll see. Big-name cast, big budget and all, and I have a soft spot for Donnie Yen, though that hasn't stopped me from missing many of his movies, ahaha...

Also saw the trailer for 余命1ヶ月の花嫁 (Yomei Ikkagetsu no Hanayome / April Bride) starring Eikura Nana and Eita. The original title literally translates to "Bride with a Month to Live" so the story is obvious enough. Ah well... I like both leads, but there have been many tear-jerker movies from this country, and this movie doesn't seem to have anything new. But I am still quite touched by the very first dialogue (see website for trailer):
Taro: What do you do from day to day?
Chie: (ponders awhile) Live.
So somewhere at the corner of my mind there is a tiny bit of expectation that it may have something different. Hm. =)

So far those are the ones that caught my eye from the theaters... As for TV series, I have made the mistake of starting on Orthros no Inu while it is still on-going, so now I'm quite impatient waiting for the next episode sub to be out. xP It is intriguing and has good moral points in my opinion, though I guess stalking-wise I should go for Mizukawa Asami's variety shows more than her dramas because while she is an okay actress, she is really so much more interesting in real life. ❤ Experience it here if hopefully you can be bothered to, and maybe I can drag you down this fandom hole. =)P

君へ 私へ 明日へ

苦しみもあったけど
記憶は全て 優しい 楽しい
やはり
最後までも
本当にありがとう。

Theory of Happiness

When I didn't pause to think, when I just went with the flow,
I fell hard when things swerved off course.
When I started reasoning, when I started justifying,
I was full of spite trying to defend my pride.
When I analyzed situations, when I sought solutions,
I guess I simply didn't love enough to forgive.

When I stop asking life to play nice,
when I stop holding you responsible for my feelings...
I finally remember that happiness never does have a philosophy.

---

Shiina Ringo, "Koufukuron (Theory of Happiness)"
-- Adapted from the translation by Emily Horner


When I searched for true happiness,
I started to think I wanted to love and be loved in return;
and then I caught on to your strength, and the weakness you try to hide.
I burn with energy at how you laugh and cry honestly
at the flow of time and the color of the sky,
as if you don't wish for anything more.

True happiness cannot always be seen;
it was right by my side, and I didn't even notice.
But when I realized that what my numb fingers needed was your familiar hand,
I decided I wouldn't mind trying a little
to protect your melody,
and all your words and philosophy.

Because I love you just the way you are, laughing and crying honestly
at the flow of time and the color of the sky
as if you don't wish for anything more--
I'll do what it takes to protect your melody,
and all your words and philosophy.
Just the fact that you're alive here, that's happiness.

What's So Great About Sunshine?

Everytime it rains
I listen to the sky
And wonder what's so great about sunshine

When it was getting dark
I didn't need a match
I never needed light to see you

So love me 'cause you can
And not because you should

Everytime it rains
I know it's good to be alive...


Take out the needy parts (Honestly. I wish I could feel that deep), and it feels like this song says all I want to say right now. I guess this means she wrote from the heart.

C'est la Vie

My conscience says I'm not making enough effort,

my insecurity says I'm making all the wrong moves...

my ego says they are being read all wrong.

*sigh*

I'm needing assurances I'm not sure I deserve.

puntung

di lembar langit awan tertumpah
warna cahaya
di papar hati tuan mendarah
sengat aroma

hilang pandang terjelang petang
tak ayal esok berulang
luntur rasa terluruh masa
tak pelak ingat tersisa

...be, nineteen years from now...

Early celebration of Angie's birthday yesterday. Much fun and sore throat had been had... and I think the 'plot-holed' attempt at making it a surprise just made it all the more memorable. =D It was nice to see Mal again too.

Maybe it is to be expected when it's someone like Angie, but I am still quite amazed to find 'lessons' to bring home from a birthday party. Was really touched when she talked about the founding days of Buddhist Fellowship 21 years ago, including the wavering period 11 years after, and how all of us wouldn't have been gathered there were it not for the few graduate students who themselves had never thought their simple target of "one project a year" would see a future as what BF is today.

Soracco itself has gone through many regenerations that it may not be as 'nostalgic' as say, a persisting friendship of the same people, but to many of us it is still something we are glad to be part of, something we watch grow with a heartwarming fondness... and I suppose its 'survival' is really thanks to the music foundation that Mal laid down and Aug carries on, Angie's lift and push, Ai Ling's loyal lead throughout.

Also, a good reminder of the Buddha's words from Dr Ang Beng Choo, relating people's contradicting opinions about Angie that she overheard:

"There will always be differing perspectives about anything. When the sun shines from the east, the tree casts a shadow to the west. When the sun shines from the west, the tree casts a shadow to the east. There is no need to worry about the shadow. Just make sure your tree grows strong and upright."

As Angie said, "If even someone like me can grow, there must be hope for all of you too." So... will keep working on it! ^^

士别三日

三日不见面，不作旧时看。

Would I rather you be consistent,
Would I rather the warmth of familiarity,
Would I rather know you always?

Would you rather I have surprises,
Would you rather the excitement of change,
Would you rather find me grown?

1994-2004

Rewind fifteen years--
and more,
Fast forward ten--
play on

I have not walked with you
all through the winding road,
but seen enough to know
the reason for those tears,

yours,

theirs,

shouting out loud
the weight of the fight,
the worth of the pride,
and
the kind of charm
that comes only with age.

When Houses Fly

Just went to watch UP with Eka. The movie went way beyond our expectation. Indeed Walt Disney + Pixar rarely disappoints?

Just the superb storytelling is enough to make me recommend this. Everything clicks together with no wasted reference. In the first 15 minutes it has managed to tell the whole background and got us emotionally invested in the characters.

I think this deserves a lot of merit especially after my recent experience with Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. =P Well, it's surely a different level of complexity looking at the thickness of the later books in the series, but then it at least needs more hours to it... which I guess can be afforded considering how big the hype and the fandom are...? =PP

But back to UP. The usual bonus of Pixar's no-dialogue short story is insightfully creative as usual. (Someone has to be in charge of the unpleasant stuff after all...) Did I once think that the animation world was falling into cliches? I suppose this has just rekindled my faith in its unbounded future.

07.08.09

Found this amusing article while doing some planning for the long weekend:
7 Weird Facts about the Singapore National Day

It does mention 'history' and 'rumor' at certain points so be sure to check the facts with your friendly neighbour well-informed Singaporean friend before applying them to any significant current affair yea. ;)

Crossing Rubicon

little by indulgent little,
tease by harmless tease;
she's cradling a spark of flame, but somehow
i feel immersed in water.

both feet in, body on shore,
this stream unconsuming unlike that fire;
but one taste of the salt on her mouth
and i'll never unknow how it's like to drown.

back to the days of Christopher Robin...

エレベーターで 鏡に自分を見る時

ビルを出て 夜空に小望月を見る時

『 Return to Pooh Corner 』 の歌詞
♩ back to the days of Christopher Robin... ♩ が耳にする時

私達が 何故生きてるの? と思った。



なんとなく ちょっと暗いね (笑)

いや、 問い掛けらないかなあ～

答えを 一生追求し続けるはずだからね。

Umaku Tsutaerarenai ze..

Sweet song, moving orchestral effect, and -- considering how the series/characters actually are -- amusing in a way? =D Though it's only now that I get the urge to find the originating clip. Never knew Ranma OVA had this sentimental scene.

Ranma to Akane no BALLAD (The Ballad of Ranma and Akane)




Because we can't say the words yet,
Quietly, I touch your hand


The video subtitles took quite a liberty, but I guess it still helps for casual viewing. For further purposes I'd recommend the higher quality video together with the lyrics & translation instead... and, if you're inclined, do check out the partly-touching-partly-hilarious superimposed 'dialogue' at the end of the audio version.

Propositional Logic

Found this draft on my computer; I seem to have written it about a year ago but somehow have no recollection of it. ^^0 Anyway, just for amusement.

---


Propositional Logic


'I love you' is somehow very difficult to say.

"If I were to propose to you right now, what would you do?"

Disapproving look. "Don't joke about such things."


'I love you' is somehow very difficult to say. He tries to go with 'I like you' instead.

"If I were to kiss you right now, what would you do?"

"Hmmm? I'd kiss you back."

"...Are you serious?"

"About as serious as you were."


'I like you' is somehow very difficult to say.

"If I were to ask you out right now, what would you do?"

"...Are you drunk?"

"I'm not! Can't you tell?"

"All right... so... what happened?"

Exasperated sigh. "...Nothing. Forget it."

"Hey, if anything, you can always talk to me, okay?"


"If I were to say I love you right now, what would you do?"

Long stare.

Nervous glance.

Thoughtful frown.

Seems like it will be scenario number three...

Soft smile. "Why don't you try it and see?"


---

Duality

When someone does things the exact way we do, we may
- adore them for the kindred spirit that they are, or
- dislike them for the blunt reminder of our own ugliness.

When someone does things the opposite way we do, we may
- repulse them due to the hopeless incompatibility, or
- admire them for realizing our hidden desires.

When we find ourselves deeply sympathizing with someone, it may be because
- they are sharing the feelings we know well, or
- they are living the wild side that we deny.