Trying Too Hard

This time I chose a lighthearted article to translate -- there is still a message in it, but he told it in an almost tongue-in-cheek style.

Whole chapter.

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"Inside of me, time had started to move slowly.

"The two dramas 'Kimi to Ita Mirai no Tame ni' and 'to Heart ~Koishite Shinitai' were filmed almost back to back, thus my days had gone on without any spare time. Now, I finally got a break.

"First off, Doumoto Tsuyoshi [1] went to the beauty salon. I had my hair cut, and turned monkey-like. Ukikikik [2]. My feel [3] changed, as did my hairstyle.

"After that, I headed to a certain outdoor cafe to have a light meal.

"I ordered two pizzas. The waitress looked a bit surprised (at that), but I couldn't help it. My stomach had deflated considerably...

"Carbonated juice to go with the pizza... was what I wanted, but that wouldn't do for today. Today's Tsuyoshi was different from usual. He had an adult feel. Stretching myself a little [4], I ordered an ice cafe au lait. I drank it while enjoying the twilight sun and wind.

"It was so blissful.

""What a nice feeling," (I thought.)

"While I was soaking in the comfort of my own world, there, there, the pizza had arrived. Stomach preparation, OK. Let's down it in one breath! ...was what I wanted, but that wouldn't do. Today's Tsuyoshi was supposed to be a different Tsuyoshi. I put the pizza into my mouth elegantly, stuffed my cheek elegantly. Flawless, even if I did say so myself.

"Then, at that moment, an incident occurred.

"I had ordered a healthy pizza with a salad of lettuce, purple cabbage and other fresh vegetables on top. A strong wind came suddenly, and the cabbage went flying. Ah, the troublesome cabbage was dancing in the air. This was a considerable miss in the plan. The plan was to finish off the pizza in a beautiful and elegant manner, but thanks to the strong wind, it had crumbled and smashed to pieces. Today I was supposed to be all adult-like -- a so-called contest with manhood [5] at stake -- but I had been defeated by the unexpected special guest that was the wind.

"It was extremely regretful.

"In boxing terms, that would be like "one-round KO defeat".

"Picking up the scattered cabbage, Loser Tsuyoshi ate up the pizza, munching and scrunching just as usual.

""(For) humans, forcing things [6] just doesn't work," (I thought.)

"While I was grumbling so, the clouds floating in the sky reflected into my eyes."

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Notes:

[1] Referring to himself by name, also in other points of the article.

[2] Imitating the sound made by monkeys.

[3] 「気分」 : mood, feel (aura).

[4] Likely in the figurative sense, i.e. 'making extra effort to do it'.

[5] As opposed to 'boyhood'.

[6] 「無理」 : unreasonable, overdoing, forcing.

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Taken from 「男を賭けた勝負」 ("Contest with Manhood at Stake"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi

好きになろう

Translation exercise again! No guarantee about accuracy, as usual.

Ellipses are him being romantic with details and me being lazy with translating; other than that it is almost the whole short chapter, 'cos I think the whole context is kinda needed to bring the point across in this case.

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"Just now, there was a special feature about ants on TV. Though I am weak with insects, watching them on TV is OK. As always, I ended up watching the scary thing until the end.

"I found it surprising that the ants, whose bodies are mere millimeters long, can build nests that measure up to several meters. ... When I see the utmost effort of those ants, I am reminded of the significance of living. There is a saying, 'Even one inch of an insect is half an inch of a soul.' [*] -- certainly, that seemingly fleeting world (life) does exist there.

"It also moves me how they fight desperately against their natural enemies. I think that I, too, should fight with such desperation.

"I guess my enemy right now is myself. Without winning against oneself, nothing can begin.

"Often, 'I hate that' or 'I am weak with that'... humans somehow have the tendency to say such things. However, before we say that out, it is important to have the sense of (first) going to approach it. For me too, after coming to Tokyo, there are various matters I have conquered, and there are still some that I haven't. [**] It is all right even if it will take time, I want to grow to like those things.

"Compared to disliking things, developing a liking is more advantageous. Therefore, I want to live on while coming to like a lot of things, while embracing them.

"Say, to the point that it would feel like a companion, like wearing an old pair of jeans."

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Notes:

[*] 「一寸の虫にも五分の魂。」 The meaning is similar to the English proverb "Even a worm will turn." (Even a very weak person has some amount of strength (when provoked).)

[**] The author is a Nara native who moved to Tokyo for work. (Seeing what variety show idols have to do over in that country, I can guess some of those things he said he 'conquered', poor thing.)

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Excerpt from 「好きになろう」 ("Growing to Like"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi

弱い自分に感謝

The accuracy of this attempted translation is very doubted, but it's as much for my language practice as it is for inspiration. I kinda need the encouragement right now, and it helps that I'm (still) in love with the author. =)

Liberties have been taken with structure/punctuation and phrasing.

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"The current me ponders a lot about myself. In 1998 it wasn't so; in the past, I kept taking unnecessary matters to heart, lying to myself, being self-destructive as such. The person that I was rarely spoke up my opinions, even when I disagreed with others -- a very much 'leave me alone' personality. As a result, I found that the invisible burden of stress had unconsciously piled up in my heart. Therefore, I want to live with more kindness towards myself.

"I think there are probably countless people who are like me, whose personality left them feeling choked; lately there have been times when I feel that I [can] love this self even if it is like this. That is when this sort of words occur to me: 'It is all right even if I cannot become a strong person. Although I'm weak, it is all right if I can be strong at the important moments' or 'If while trying to become strong, I lose the ability to feel my own pain or other people's pain, I would hate it. If losing a gentle heart is [considered] strength, then it is better to remain weak. I am thankful for this weak self' and so on...

"When I look up at the clear blue sky, or when I am walking along the street at dusk, these words overlap with the scenery, and the love towards myself grows from the bottom of my heart. I recover my pure self. And, the self that speaks these things -- this too, I like very much."

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Excerpt from 「物語の始まり」 ("The Beginning of the Tale"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi