Heavy

It's been heavy lately, this mind,
weighed down by regrets and preferences,
as if worries weren't enough
to fill this narrow world.

I thought I loved myself
but perhaps I'd been
in rather the wrong way.

With time chasing me out of the present
I made up a vague thing to run after
just to find me a direction.

And my search for peace,
if it ever started at all,
got abandoned along the road somehow.

It's been heavy lately, this heart,
shaken by streams uncoursed,
the false self-reconciliation
by blaming it on something or other.

I thought I could be kind
but it seems even the best intentions
need to know the art.

Too many decisions unmade
of what to do or to feel
while time, and everything else, just move on.

Feels like wandering around the edge
of despair unacknowledged all this time
a fear of life itself.


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You say - go slow
I fall behind...
- Cindy Lauper, "Time After Time"