Not Cut Out For This

Some time ago a lady was committing one of my pet peeves -- she rushed into the MRT head-on as I was about to alight. So I was a bit *grrr* inside, and in a flash of evil I purposedly collided with her.

Then my reflex just kicked in and I turned back to say sorry.

Don't know if I should laugh or hide about this. Harhar. Pretty stupid la.

Again the moral here seems to be that spite never gets me anywhere...

And should get rid of that little devil inside. The stupid reflex should probably stay a little longer until then, if only as a brake.

Well, yeah, though I'd really love to contribute to creating a polite society, it doesn't quite work with our current crowd behavioral pattern. People generally don't respond to such apologies. They just go on their ways. And it's not the rush-hour factor; it's the same thing with weekend mall strolls.

On some occasions there were responses, in the form of nasty glares from those who apparently felt very violated by my bumping into them. Even if, in my just as biased opinion, it was really not my fault. Ah well.

But I'm not alone. There were also people who nicely apologized when they collided with me. And whatever irritation that was about to bloom, just evaporated. See, we're so easy to please. Heh.

As you know I'm kinda influenced by Japanese culture, which from some references seems to be a really polite society. In the same bumping accident, no matter whose fault it is, they are expected to both apologize to each other. (This is from what I read, anyway; people who've been there, please clarify. =))

Of course the Japanese have their share of wild punk lifestyles which are just as extreme... But I guess my wishful point here is that it is not a matter of culture. My "stupid reflex", I'm quite certain, does not come from reading Japanese comics and watching Japanese dramas. (I'd like to think my parents are more prominent in my education than those... I hope.) Maybe someone from social studies will be able to categorize this better.

Like, shouldn't it be basic human instinct to gravitate towards harmonious relationship with their surroundings? Not even touching on kindness yet.

Or maybe, in tribute to the music I've been listening to recently:

I'm only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me...

To A Different Beat

It gets a little lonely in here
when you don't recognize the music in my world
and you don't even bother listening.

I have my own bias too
and I've probably done the same to you
but I wish you weren't seeing
one's ego as more important than another's.

No Idea For A Title

Just got two textbooks sold through BuyBack Asia. =) I'd put them up for sale before, without success, so I wasn't expecting much from this, and it came as a pleasant surprise. Sold them cheap considering the good condition (hardly touched afufufufu... and still got colour-pencil highlights woh... er, contradictive much?) Better than nothing lah. And again I didn't read the fineprint (couldn't find one, actually) that says 15% of the sale proceeds goes to them. But me never protest also la. =P

So, was still going around but hopefully not spreading the virus (see below post). I myself usually don't care much about being around people with flu (again, thinking I'm quite invincible) so I don't know if I should be more considerate and guai guai stay away from public exposure? A bit self-conscious if I remember the dark time of SARS some years ago, when just sneezing/coughing a bit would get everybody in the bus turning to glare at you. Hueheh.

Well yah, meetings for work are absolutely necessary anyway. Moreover when Sup likes to assume the worst about my work status. Can't blame him considering my record, but can't help feeling wronged either, sometimes. Those would be the times that I happened to truly have slacked less. Mwehehe. Maybe I should use the opportunity to train my ability to retaliate (<-- severely lacking). What would happen if I simply nodded serenely and agreed to the accusations, I wonder. =D ...Nah, he'd just scold me for real. Spite never does work, huh.

Ah, one more useless post. Huahah. Thanks for your concern over my previous post, people! ^_^ Paiseh, wasn't feeling all that bad really. More like discomfort. I would've expected more from a flu... wooh, touchwood. =D Take care too!

---

(8) Currently learning:

The Corrs & Bono - When the Stars Go Blue

v := virus

I used to take silent pride in the fact that my small-sized medicine stock is severely neglected. Most of them actually ended up thrown away unconsumed when I found out they'd expired for years. =D But thank Mom for their existence, as they'd proved to come in handy at those rare times that I did need them.

Like these few days when I discovered I was in fact not above some meager flu virus. The symptoms are just beginning, and some Panadol + honey water seemed to suppress them enough, but well, when you've been healthy for too long you're kind of more prone to get annoyed at the constant little sniffs. =P

Partly (more like mostly) because of my irregular sleeping habit too, I suppose. Isn't rest and water intake the best healer for flu? Too used to few sleeping hours that I begin to think I'm invincible, heh. And always losing to the temptation of one moment's pleasure. (Huss, referring to reading comics only lah.)

And partly the reason why I am still here blogging at this hour (the sleeping habit, not the comics, though I can feel the temptation creeping up as we speak...) Too used to just fall asleep the moment I touched my bed at hours past midnight, that I wasn't patient enough to stay there without losing consciousness right away, heh.

So thought I'd just blab it out. Almost unedited. (Almost. Ha.)

Learn To Be Still

It's just another day in paradise, as you stumble to your bed. You'd give anything to silence -- those voices! ringing in your head.

You thought you could find happiness, just over that green hill. You thought you would be satisfied...

...But you never will learn to be still.

We are like sheep without a shepherd; we don't know how to be alone. So we wander 'round this desert, and wind up following the wrong gods home.

But the flock cries out for another. And they keep answering that bell.

And one more starry-eyed messiah meets a violent farewell. Learn to be still.

Now, the flowers in your garden, they don't smell so sweet. Maybe you've forgotten the heaven lying at your feet?

There are so many contradictions in all these messages we send: we keep asking, "How do I get out of here? Where do I fit in?" Though the world is torn and shaken -- even if your heart is breaking -- it's waiting for you to awaken.

And someday, you will learn to be still.

(You just keep on running, keep on running...)

---

The above are lyrics from Eagles' "Learn to be Still". I felt like experimenting with structure and punctuations, hence the prose style. Does it work? =P Just realized that verses don't really need to flow as paragraphs do.

And the whole Hell Freezes Over is so recommended.

Least Complicated

...I just sit up in the house and resist
And not be seen until I cease to exist
A kind of conscientious objection
A kind of dodging the draft

Boy and girl are holding hands on the street
I don't want to but I think you just wait
It's more than just eye to eye
Learn the things I could never apply

I remember the time when I came so close with you
I let everything go, it seemed the only truth
And I bought you that ring, it seemed the thing to do

What makes me think I can start clean-slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated

Oh, I'm just a mirror of a mirror of myself
All the things that I do
And the next time I fall, I'm gonna have to recall
It isn't love, it's only something new

I sit two stories above the street
It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep
There's life down below me though
Kids are walking home from school

And I remember the time when I came so close with you
Sent me skipping my class and running from school
And I bought you that ring cause I never was cool

What makes me think I can start clean-slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated

-- Indigo Girls, "Least Complicated"

Rainbow-Coloured Chilli

or: Cardiogram II (I)


Who I am is up to you
any colour your lenses refract
    yellow through blue, or authentic green,
        boring? confusing?
free to see only what you want to see.


Who I am is up to us
some rule or other we choose to play by
    the tune I sing, the tone you sound,
        mono? harmony? counter melody?
as much your part as it is from me.


A function of life,
    that neither do I know;
continuous approximation in time
    that I nevertheless follow

in-built, in check, in the making --
    the book unwritten as they say,*
    the world changing as we speak,
-- who I am, is up to me.



* ref. Natasha Bedingfield

Further note: Rainbow-Coloured Chilli is the translated title of a Mitsuru Adachi series. It popped into my mind when writing the first verse, so it became the working title. The storyline has nothing to do with this piece.

...so please don't say love is blind

Here be mushiness. People with less tolerance to Chinese-style romance (SG/HK/TW/etc drama) better skip. =P

So. This clip is how I finally got what yb (haven't asked permission to disclose real name) once tried to explain about unmistakable flirt signals. ^^

(Go, go, don't peek below first.)

Actually, you can also go there just to listen to the nice song and the refreshing female vocal (what impure motive from this blogger's part...) The actress was just lip-syncing, by the way.

As for learning the flirting method... eh, can't vouch for its applicability in real life. =P We know chenhw is pretty much an expert, there. And most importantly must be on the same wavelength, otherwise will only freak out the other party.

Like my reaction to a certain drama scene that sparked the question to yb. It was a close-up shot of the two staring at each other, back and forth, doing nothing else, and it was rather intense, and it was rather long. 0_0 This happened to be a Western TV series, and yb was more tuned to that type while I lean more towards Asian ones, so she got what was going on while I was all "huh?" So, wavelength.

Though there were also some moments in the above clip that got me thinking, creepy lah, brother~~ But I didn't know the plot to be saying that fairly. From the spoiler I accidentally got, it should be very sad, so he probably had a good reason to look like that. =P

A lot of people were praising this particular show, too. 1995 production; wonder if it'll ever be re-run.

A Very Merry Un-New Year

I sold my soul for the second time
'Cos the man, he don't pay me
I begged my landlord for some more time
He said, "Son, the bills are waiting."
My best friend called me the other night
He said, "Man, are you crazy?"
My girlfriend told me to get a life
She said, "Boy, you lazy!"

But I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, if you give me a minute
A man's got a limit
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it

-- Oasis, "The Importance of Being Idle"


Not to be defensive over my uneventful New Year's Day, because in the end it wasn't quite so uneventful after all, thanks to Eka. =D Just happened to be listening to this song just now, and it reminded me of my friends' disapproving reaction when they found out I wasn't planning anything for the day.

Well, I generally avoid public countdown events after my first time years ago. I've always associated it with cans of sardines and herds of lambs, and I would be one clueless lamb indeed. No offense yah.. =D Though, I suppose we can always have private gatherings that would be better on that account, so I only blame my lack of social mood.

I don't even have creative New Year greetings to send over SMS, so people, sorry for the one-liner + smiley I've been replying to you with. Hihi. You know I wish you happiness everyday! =D

To sum up all my excuses, it is just another day for me. =P Wait, another holiday is more correct. Maybe because the nature of my job is such that I can do my slacking any day. (Erm, except deadline-nearing days.) Holidays just make it easier to meet up with friends since they're mostly not on as flexible schedules. Chinese New Year is a different story though, as it translates to homecoming for me. ^_^ All in all it's really about what you do and not what the day is, right.

So on this particular holiday, I went for a satisfying meal with Eka and some (more) shopping. On that front, have to admit holidays have another merit, heh. Because there are discounts. =D Finally bought an overdue pair of new sneakers, a good brand at that. Haven't been willing to part with my money for them before, and yet the rainy season was testing my patience. =P

Hope this pair will last long, so I can maybe push the obviously broken resolution to spend less money to this new year, all the way until years to come -- asking a bit much maybe, hahah. As Eka said, no point making it a New Year resolution, seeing as I made this one over a personal incident that didn't coincide with any event, and it was right on the New Year's that I broke it. Heeh.

To be fair, that might be taking it a little too anti-celebratively, because some people do use these milestones wisely for much needed life reflections. My life is running on wasteful gasoline the way I'm spending my time, with my defined milestones being way more irregular than these year markings.

Of course ideally once a year isn't good enough either -- on the way to enlightenment is moment-to-moment awareness, isn't it. And we do say Happy New Year to mean the whole year, right? Or maybe I can wish you a Happy New Year's Day and Just-As-Happy Un-New Year's Days to follow. =)


I lost my faith in the summer time
'Cos it don't stop raining
The sky all day is as black as night
But I'm not complaining
I begged my doctor for one more line
He said, "Son, words fail me."
It ain't no place to be killing time
I guess I'm just lazy...