弱い自分に感謝

The accuracy of this attempted translation is very doubted, but it's as much for my language practice as it is for inspiration. I kinda need the encouragement right now, and it helps that I'm (still) in love with the author. =)

Liberties have been taken with structure/punctuation and phrasing.

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"The current me ponders a lot about myself. In 1998 it wasn't so; in the past, I kept taking unnecessary matters to heart, lying to myself, being self-destructive as such. The person that I was rarely spoke up my opinions, even when I disagreed with others -- a very much 'leave me alone' personality. As a result, I found that the invisible burden of stress had unconsciously piled up in my heart. Therefore, I want to live with more kindness towards myself.

"I think there are probably countless people who are like me, whose personality left them feeling choked; lately there have been times when I feel that I [can] love this self even if it is like this. That is when this sort of words occur to me: 'It is all right even if I cannot become a strong person. Although I'm weak, it is all right if I can be strong at the important moments' or 'If while trying to become strong, I lose the ability to feel my own pain or other people's pain, I would hate it. If losing a gentle heart is [considered] strength, then it is better to remain weak. I am thankful for this weak self' and so on...

"When I look up at the clear blue sky, or when I am walking along the street at dusk, these words overlap with the scenery, and the love towards myself grows from the bottom of my heart. I recover my pure self. And, the self that speaks these things -- this too, I like very much."

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Excerpt from 「物語の始まり」 ("The Beginning of the Tale"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi