Trying Too Hard

This time I chose a lighthearted article to translate -- there is still a message in it, but he told it in an almost tongue-in-cheek style.

Whole chapter.

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"Inside of me, time had started to move slowly.

"The two dramas 'Kimi to Ita Mirai no Tame ni' and 'to Heart ~Koishite Shinitai' were filmed almost back to back, thus my days had gone on without any spare time. Now, I finally got a break.

"First off, Doumoto Tsuyoshi [1] went to the beauty salon. I had my hair cut, and turned monkey-like. Ukikikik [2]. My feel [3] changed, as did my hairstyle.

"After that, I headed to a certain outdoor cafe to have a light meal.

"I ordered two pizzas. The waitress looked a bit surprised (at that), but I couldn't help it. My stomach had deflated considerably...

"Carbonated juice to go with the pizza... was what I wanted, but that wouldn't do for today. Today's Tsuyoshi was different from usual. He had an adult feel. Stretching myself a little [4], I ordered an ice cafe au lait. I drank it while enjoying the twilight sun and wind.

"It was so blissful.

""What a nice feeling," (I thought.)

"While I was soaking in the comfort of my own world, there, there, the pizza had arrived. Stomach preparation, OK. Let's down it in one breath! ...was what I wanted, but that wouldn't do. Today's Tsuyoshi was supposed to be a different Tsuyoshi. I put the pizza into my mouth elegantly, stuffed my cheek elegantly. Flawless, even if I did say so myself.

"Then, at that moment, an incident occurred.

"I had ordered a healthy pizza with a salad of lettuce, purple cabbage and other fresh vegetables on top. A strong wind came suddenly, and the cabbage went flying. Ah, the troublesome cabbage was dancing in the air. This was a considerable miss in the plan. The plan was to finish off the pizza in a beautiful and elegant manner, but thanks to the strong wind, it had crumbled and smashed to pieces. Today I was supposed to be all adult-like -- a so-called contest with manhood [5] at stake -- but I had been defeated by the unexpected special guest that was the wind.

"It was extremely regretful.

"In boxing terms, that would be like "one-round KO defeat".

"Picking up the scattered cabbage, Loser Tsuyoshi ate up the pizza, munching and scrunching just as usual.

""(For) humans, forcing things [6] just doesn't work," (I thought.)

"While I was grumbling so, the clouds floating in the sky reflected into my eyes."

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Notes:

[1] Referring to himself by name, also in other points of the article.

[2] Imitating the sound made by monkeys.

[3] 「気分」 : mood, feel (aura).

[4] Likely in the figurative sense, i.e. 'making extra effort to do it'.

[5] As opposed to 'boyhood'.

[6] 「無理」 : unreasonable, overdoing, forcing.

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Taken from 「男を賭けた勝負」 ("Contest with Manhood at Stake"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi