There is a reason we chose this field, and it is the fun.
The minutiae that follow may not be, and we often have to foray into things we'd rather not be bothered about, because just the fun stuff rarely sustains itself. But from time to time we hit that fun bone, and we stay.
After all, it's the same everywhere else... probably.
And so once in a while we come across something that... doesn't tally with current priorities... but one that our hands itch to get on... And I am very much a creature of the moment, and indisciplinedly so.
I vaguely remember someone said something to the effect of: "Whenever you get the drive to study, do it. The motivation to learn is hard to come by." Second that.
Though maybe it just seems all the more attractive in the face of the alternative work which comes with the pressure of a deadline or responsibility.
I strive through night journeys, only for the sake of one certain window. When you are lost along the way, you'd be able to see its light.
Without realizing, I've come to think of this foreign land as my hometown. Only occasionally when I feel sad, I'll unconsciously gaze towards the distance.
I quietly hide my past accent; the promise I couldn't speak out remains in my heart all the time.
The many times that my tears are about to flow, that window is the reason that keeps me strong.
In that small entrance, her gentleness still remains, giving me warmth and staying by my side.
---
First saw him on Chinese TV, talking about songwriting in an interview. When he said, "Because [I] lost [my] father, [I] wrote that kind of song," with the soft melody edited into the clip, he definitely caught my attention. (If I got it correctly, I think he basically meant that one should write songs on what he truly felt for.)
Tune-wise the above song is my favorite, but that song he wrote for his father is by far the most touching.
So I'm losing you 大海在等候那条河流 So I'm missing you 梦中那双手轻抚我的头 就像小时候
看夕阳染红了天边那是最后的眷恋 天空和大地忘不了她的陪伴
在你离开后不久以后升起满天的星斗 他们不知道曾经难受的分手
So I'm losing you 大海在等候那条河流 So I'm missing you 梦中那双手轻抚我的头 就像小时候
So I'm losing you 大海在等候这条河流 So I'm missing you 梦中那双手轻抚我的头 就像小时候
看流星划过了天边直到你已经走远 长长的弧线那时的意念想念
Missing You
I watch the setting sun linger at the edge of the sky, reluctant to go down the mountain. The sky and the earth, all these are holding her back.
At the end you still have to leave, with no time for another word. A gust of wind sweeps past, and I let go of the hand that is still warm.
So I'm losing you; the ocean is waiting for that river. So I'm missing you; that pair of hands in my dream gently pats my head, just like it did when I was a child.
I watch the setting sun paint the sky red; that is the last sentimental attachment. The sky and the earth cannot forget her company.
Not long after you left, the stars that rise up to fill the sky knows nothing of the sad parting in the past.
So I'm losing you; the ocean is waiting for that river. So I'm missing you; that pair of hands in my dream gently pats my head, just like it did when I was a child.
So I'm losing you; the ocean is waiting for this river. So I'm missing you; that pair of hands in my dream gently pats my head, just like it did when I was a child.
I watch the shooting star sail across the sky, until you have gone far. The long arc [is like] the memory of that time, the longing.
Went for Ven. Thubten Chodron's talk on Wisdom and Compassion this morning. Paiseh, I usually went for talks only when Soracco got something on. =P But if anything, I suppose this irregularity helps to prevent these lessons from becoming a routine that I might end up ignoring.
Not that I'm advocating, ya. This is what works for me because I am a quite impulsive person -- a lesson needs to strike me at a timely moment, otherwise it's the case of pouring water into a full cup. And actually, exactly because of this I should be going more regularly since I don't know what time it might strike. And I do need it to strike every now and then, because most things fade from my head when not revisited in a long time.
As it is, I'm blogging about it because something did strike. XD This needs some background exposition first, so please bear with me for a while.
So, there is this personality that I picture I want to have. I keep shaping this picture by what is important to me over time. I got upset when someone talked harshly to me, so I decided that this personality would always be considerate to people. I felt guilty over not getting a work done properly, so I added that this personality would be responsible and trustworthy. And so on.
There are two problems in the way I apply this approach. One is that I never concretize the abstract ideas and end up drowning in mundane activities without ever progressing towards that image. The other is that I see my current situation as inferior to this personality, and whenever I commit a mistake that violates this image, I am very unhappy with myself.
(Hady likes to quote that flaws make people interesting. Oh yeah, I agree. But somehow, I'd like to choose the flaws I'd keep. XD)
Now, Ven.'s talk on compassion made a point that, being enlightened means achieving bodhicitta. Achieving bodhicitta is impossible if there is a single sentient being that one cannot feel compassion towards. Every being that we meet contribute to our life; our enlightenment depends on each one of them. (There were raised questions about ants and cockroaches, again, XD but let me not digress.)
I knocked down a child in my rush many days ago and still couldn't get over that guilt -- I blamed it on my temporary absence of mind, but I thought, it wouldn't have happened if I had had the very basic compassion in the first place.
Then Ven.'s talk on wisdom touched on how parents discipline their children, where being truly compassionate means teaching the children to deal with not always getting what they want.
When we were little we couldn't reason about things, and all manners were drilled into us by our parents. Do this because it is good. Don't do that because it is bad. Why good, why bad? Just because. Until, of course, we somehow think back to those when we are older and start discovering (or disproving) the reasoning for ourselves.
From those, I kind of realized why I hadn't been progressing -- it was because I wanted all those qualities without firstly having the seeds from which they would grow.
I have one foot in the belief that, if I have the right motivation in place, then I will naturally take the right course of action, as what my ideal personality would do. Maybe, then, I need not bother fleshing out that image any more -- all those will be there by definition.
Yet from experience, it was always when a mistake had happened that I realized I didn't have enough mindfulness to react properly based on that motivation when the situation occurred.
That is where, I suppose, the drilling should come in.
Regardless of whether I can follow up from this reflection... that has been a fruitful wandering off of my mind during the talk, if only to disentangle some of the mess in my head. So in the spirit of gratitude to Venerable and all factors that have put her and me at that place at that time... let me just revive an old NUSBS cheer:
Hip-hip, sadhu!
Photo courtesy of Bro. Goh Kuan Seng Candle-holder courtesy of Poh Ern Shih Temple
Tune that sticks in your head (it did came from / was used in a commercial) and cuteness enough to make you chortle. Probably. It did for me.
Fans of the 70's (?) please pardon the parody.
WaT (as "e2") - TOKIMEKI☆DooBeeDoo
Every morning at the coffee shop in front of the station You stare out idly In a funny kind of way, I worry about this one-sided love Who is it that you worry about your hair for?
The courage to speak to you Has my heart beating so fast that I might die And the moment that our eyes meet Is like time stands still
I like you
I wonder if this is love Throbbing, DooBeeDooBeeDoo When I think of you, I might burst These feelings of mine You notice, DooBeeDooBeeDoo The trembling of my passionate heart Will not stop, I love you
My favorite bunny
// At the intersection in the twilight of evening // I saw you there by chance // Actually, it was a little ambush // You were worrying about the time, were you waiting for someone?
// Before the traffic lights changed // I had to talk to you // But, with a smile on your face // You waved your hand at a boy
// Could it be
// Is it your sweetheart? // Jealousy, DooBeeDooBeeDoo // I feel overwhelmed, like I'm devastated // These feelings of mine // Are in tatters, DooBeeDooBeeDoo // I am a complete miserable clown // But even now, I love you
// My favorite strawberry
// "He...hello // It's nice weather today, isn't it? // Ah, ah," "Actually, there is something I want to talk to you about I have always liked y..yo...yo....”
I like you
I wonder why it is so painful Throbbing, DooBeeDooBeeDoo When I think of you, I might burst These feelings of mine There's nothing I can do about them, DooBeeDooBeeDoo Until I have captured your heart I will never give up, I love you
// My favorite chestnut My favorite bunny
* Commented lines in grey are from the Single version; they are not sung in the PV.
** Lyrics translation edited from the work credited to rotorua @ WaT International Forum
If a black man is racist, is it okay? When it's the white man's racism that made him that way. Because the bully's the victim they say; By some sense they're all the same.
'Cause the line between wrong and right is the width of a thread from a spider's web. The piano keys are black and white, but they sound like a million colours in your mind.
I could tell you to go to war, Or I could march for peace and fighting no more. How do I know which is right? And I hope he does, when he sends you to fight.
'Cause the line between wrong and right is the width of a thread from a spider's web. The piano keys are black and white, but they sound like a million colours in your mind.
Should we act on a blame, or should we chase the moments away? Should we live? Should we give? Remember forever the guns and the feathers in time...
'Cause the line between wrong and right is the width of a thread from a spider's web. The piano keys are black and white, but they sound like a million colours in your mind.
I am quite ignorant about the current status of global warming (and virtually all world issues) and I don't know if the recent snowstorms in China (a rare awareness on my part) are a contradicting evidence to it or an orthogonal issue altogether; but as far as I am concerned these days, Singapore is TOO COLD.
(Sorry beforehand to readers currently in four-seasoned regions, as all the complaining that follows will totally ignore the fact that you all have it much worse than I do.)
I don't remember the rainy season lasting quite this long before... although my sense of time is never reliable at the first place. On the other hand, in a closed, windowless, air-conditioned room, my sense of an outside raining event is pretty accurate, if I do say so myself. In fact, in that same room now, I'm typing this entry with wool-gloved fingers, which are STILL freezing.
I was born and raised in a town located on the Equator Line on the globe. I would have attributed my sensitivity to that, if not for the fact that the rest of my family doesn't seem to have a problem with cold weather.
Neither did Eka, who came by the other day when the room temperature was at the ideal one-layered clothing level (to me), and, like some of my Singaporean/Malaysian labmates, thought it was too warm. While her hometown is further away from the Equator Line, its population and activity effectively achieve the same temperature level we have back there, I believe. So why?
Besides, having more body fat than she has, I would think I should be more resistant to cold, too. I'm not on a diet simply because I can't be bothered, not for the purpose of preserving body heat, but not getting it when I need it is still a bit disappointing.
Putting aside housewifey concerns such as sunshine-deprived laundry... I do like rain. I drank and used rain water growing up; I persuaded my mother into letting me help collecting it. When I was small, watching the heavy rain from the window often gave me a warm appreciative feeling of having a home in which I'm safely protected.
Rain will make the flowers grow, says Eponine, and I too will be fine with a little fall of rain, or even not so little of it, if I can just figure out a way to keep myself warm.
Actually yes. XD I mean, I've read discouraging reviews of it and still wanted to go, and without much expectation I actually enjoyed it quite well.
Eng Wah put the title as "Deathnote Spin Off: L Change The World", which disoriented me a bit when I tried to find it among titles starting with 'L'. Maybe they did it to make it recognizable as part of Deathnote... like, how many would actually know who L was if not tied with Deathnote?
Hum, that was random. At first I thought the title "Change the World" was quite 'out of it', like the way Japanese songs include irrelevant English words in their chorus, or something. A one-letter title may not be very identifiable, so they need a subtitle, I suppose? (I remember my own confusion with the J-rock band called "X".) But as with "The Last Name", I think it suits the plot pretty well after all. And I like it that this movie still maintained that "God of the new world" theme in subtext.
Was that random again? Anyway... so the movie wasn't much about wits. The climax was indeed quite run-of-the-mill, at which point I checked my watch for the first time. In my opinion it was more about Watari's importance to L, which is a good point to touch on. They deliberately drew attention to the letter 'W' in the title, too. But L being the way he was, I didn't see much of the emotions, and the heart-clinching moments I did feel was probably due to the all the background I already knew.
So... in the end it was like, one needs to know Deathnote to enjoy it, and yet it lacks all the brainy stuff that one likes from Deathnote. (I actually prefer to think of this as a movie by itself, the manga-purist that I am. Besides, L was a strong enough character to grow out of the series.) But come to think of it, the post-L Deathnote saga feels quite like this -- that is, more of the field work. (Somehow I compare this to the thinking part and the implementation part of my own research work.)
The little girl was really lovely and acted well. Her character was to my liking too (i.e. the opposite of a damsel in distress). The English-speaking characters were, erm, not preferable to be speaking English... even L. But his Spanish(?) was pretty smooth in my ears, maybe because I didn't know that language at all. XD
I don't remember if Agent Suruga has been in the Deathnote movies (i.e. the two actual Deathnote adaptations, because, as I said, this one is not Deathnote to me) but I just feel his sudden appearance lacks explanation. As he proceeded to be the comic relief, we see the purpose, but... yeah. Anyway, he was entertaining. Don't care much about the rest of the supporting characters, and in fact, the villain kha-kias were of the pointlessly violent, brainless, 'bundled' variety that I couldn't stand.
L himself was still a charmer. At least we fangirls would love the liberal serving of his adorably dorky scenes to gush at -- can't speak for others heh. Though, hm, rather sorry to say this, but I'm still not struck by Matsuyama Kenichi's charm outside of this role. (Eka said he looked old in the DramaWiki photo (indeed), so I linked to ThePPN instead.) And I'm starting to think that he gets this role working out so well exactly because he is not that prince-like type of actor. By 'prince-like' I mean someone like Takki or Kimutaku or, well, Prince. XP Though somehow the dorkiness doesn't seem to shine bright enough elsewhere...
...Yeah, now you know the kind of influences I'm subjecting myself to recently. Surprisingly though, among this bunch of teen pop idols there are some that I consider pretty good musical findings, like this Kansai group who sang really interesting songs:
Kanjani8 - Naniwa Iroha Bushi
Glad to know that for all the good looks, at least one of them does have impressive vocals. I say at least because I haven't recognized all of them yet... I say, why so many people in boybands who rarely sing more than one vocal parts? XP But Hady explained that it was to trap more fans across wider tastes, and I suppose I'm indeed victim to such a scheme, true enough.
Hum, jump of topic, but if I really try to tie this in, another one of the Kanjani8 boys is the guy who (sort of) gets the girl MatsuKen (sort of) dumps in Ichi Rittoru, so there. =D
