遠い旅をしている... 君は

A sad news five months late: Sakai Izumi (of Zard) has passed away on 27 May 2007. May her music remain with us for a long time to come.

If not for all the tribute videos on YouTube, who knows when I would find out about this..

She was one of the earliest singers (if not the earliest) that I noticed in my first foray into J-pop, and I remembered sampling all the Zard songs I could find and collecting the translation to all her lyrics.

A pencil drawing of Sakai Izumi that I did at the start of my obsession.
She was definitely more beautiful than this, though..

I haven't been a dedicated fan, as I only care for a very limited subset of her discography, but learning about her death shook me enough to write about it all the same.

Musical-wise, it was her self-written touching, down-to-earth lyrics that I admire; but it was more her quiet kind of beauty and intriguingly modest image that earned my sort-of idolization, as I believe they also did for her many fans.

While the heart-wrenching Eien (as my long-time favourite) might be more fitting for the occasion, here is instead, the song from her latest album in 2005 (not counting compilations) that relived my adoration of her after quite a few years -- the definition being, one that had me scrambling all over trying to find upon seen on TV.

遠い旅をしているみたいに
別々の道を このまま...
二人もう 会えないのかな
もうサヨナラだね
君とのふれあい

Just like a long journey
On separate roads like this
The two of us will never meet again, will we?
It's the end to everything
The reunion with you

Kanji lyrics quoted from: http://www.videouncovered.com/lyrics/4705/1190/zard/kimi-to-no-fureai.html

Translation is my own attempt with help from the clip subtitles; correction will be much appreciated.

Teman Seperjalanan

It was a long ride to Changi, and I didn't remember to bring something to read nor my mp3 player. Caught glimpses of Scar and Colonel Mustang on what a schoolboy standing beside me was reading, but from my position I couldn't tumpang read without being obvious, and it was a crowded train. Staring would be rude, wouldn't it?

But I started to think that perhaps some people actually wouldn't mind. If I were the one reading my favourite comic book in a public place, strangers would indeed be very welcome to preview. (We folks who aim for world domination are eager to share like that. To think other people need to pay to advertise, eh.)

Of course, as long as they don't invade my personal space lah. Otherwise can get quite scary.

As it was on my ride back, when I managed to get a seat. A guy sat down beside me with a bag on his lap, and proceeded to sleep. After a while there was a movement inside his bag, at the side that was facing me. It made a scratching sound as whatever it was came into contact with the fabric.

Somebody's phone happened to be ringing at that time, so at first I thought it was his cell phone vibrating, but then I saw more movements at another region, so that couldn't be it. The thing wriggled for a while, stopped for some time, then started again. I kept eyeing the bag every time that happened, while the guy continued to sleep.

Could there be an animal inside? Maybe he just returned from taking his puppy for a walk? Kaypo lah, I know, but somehow I felt quite intimidated mah.

Anyway, I finally alighted with relief and walked home. Another person caught up with me near the red light crossing, when his phone started ringing -- definitely was a ringtone this time, and whaddya know, I heard, "Di daun yang ikut... mengalir lembut..."

Ola, I know that song heh. I turned to look at him (this one without bothering to be discreet) but couldn't be sure if he was an Indonesian or not, and I didn't catch what he said into the phone. (Now that would surely be rude.)

Maybe I was overreacting ah? Many Indonesians here, what. And as we could see from the various local talent shows that I no longer take interest in, many non-Indonesians also know Indonesian songs, rite (this spoken -- or rather, written -- with rare nationalism).

Ah well. There wasn't really a point in my relating these encounters, just that it has been an amusing journey after all. ^__^

Orange Coffee

The taste of orange from the orange coffee
still resides below my throat
to jump up at the push of air
and spread the fragrance inside my mouth.

As it is with my attachment to you
that subsides in favor of many things else
yet far away from being forgotten
catches me indulging in these secret smiles.


Image source: indianetzone

Force of Nature

For all the means of connectivity in this age
there are so many broken channels between us
How far would I go for this friendship
when the distance gets more than physical?

It all comes down to the depth of concern
that should've been able to cross
more oceans than just this one

Yet days lost are days not shared
An empty chair is hardly a place in the heart
Not that circumstances are above us
Rather that we don't see the need to fight.

秋去夏來

Having escaped the chilly Beijing autumn, now back in hot, hot Singapore. =) Sore, dry throat is unfortunately carried over, but water and fruits should solve that soon.

First day in once-again unfamiliar SoC @ Law Link (nope, we didn't get the permission to change the road name), I kept turning my head at people who looked like any of my friends back there. Parting is such sweet sorrow, ah?

In some ways my time in China has made me more aware of my "roots" -- the social connectivity that my parents put a lot of emphasis in, really is a very important matter for Chinese. Most of our generation tend to put pragmatism first and favor low-maintenance relationships. It is convenient, it is pressure-free, and it is acceptable in our environment.

But having been in a stranger country and braced myself for the loneliness, yet didn't feel it for long... the warm friendliness of the people I just got to know really moved me. I could imagine myself in their shoes wouldn't have done so much.

Of course, as I realized in a recent conversation with dish, it also takes sincerity for that to work out. Still I think in most cases the connection first started with a sense of social duty: to get to know the ones you sit with, to take care of a junior -- before developing into a real friendship.

I guess in my awkwardness I didn't return their hospitality as much as I should have.. but I am quite resolved to pay better attention to the people around me, now. =) My roommates and I talked so much while I was there, that I found myself much more talkative these days.

Ah well, have lined up catching-up dinners and repeated stories throughout this week, while I'm still settling down for work. =D Next week, will have to dive into hard work again. ^^;

Cross-Platform Madness

Repeat after me: I should not port AMD binaries to Intel machines without rebuild.

Sigh. Lost sleep chasing a bug that's not in the code after all! *yawns*

In the Air

rushing out
        not quite words,
    i need a tune,
    or something.

                    so they say
                         it's all of heaven we have below;
                                         and said he,
                                vivo per lei,
                                io vivo--

      so much to feel

          and with such intensity,

      this luxury of many a great company
might tie me forever to this wheel,

    but bless them,
        oh bless them, indeed.

法灯此心照一照

Several things happened yesterday that annoyed me -- petty matters really, but such are my peeves. =P

My reaction, as usual, started from justification:
1. It was their fault.
2a. Hm, but maybe I did trigger it a bit.
2b. Hm, but seemed like they really wasn't aware of the situation.
3. Inconsiderate folks, can't stand them.
4. But wait, did I also do something similar in the past?
...

Well, that was exhausting. Turning to Buddhist teaching I thought, I was building up so much anger and negative energy, I'd better dispel it.

So I started another round of analysis:
1. As the teaching says, these are my "teachers", I should be grateful to them.
2. But I should be entitled to expect certain things from people, no? Surely everyone else has something he/she is particular about, too?
3. Yet probably these things are done not out of courtesy, but kindness, so you can't really expect them.
4. Why should I be angry while they are oblivious to all this?
...

No proper conclusion still.

In a last attempt to find peace I thought back to the teacher figures in my past -- what would they have said?

It so happened that the first one I recalled was 开照师父, from whom I took The Three Refuges four years ago. I was quite amazed that I still remembered his face very clearly after so long (I rarely attended his talks since they were usually in Mandarin) -- such a bright smile left a very deep impression indeed.

Anyway, on the mere recollection of him I could imagine what he would have said: "你这么烦恼干么呢?" (er, yah, a more polite version of it maybe) and just like that, the heavy feelings were lifted off my mind.

It came back to me what he had always said: "不要让此心随意转﹐不要做一个烦恼的人."

There are all sorts of problems with this world (life), and a lot of them are just because we see them as so. They are not meant to be solved (想的通) but rather, to be apprehended with an open mind (想的开). (These are probably from somebody else, I don't remember exactly. And probably not a proper translation, hard to find the suitable terms..)

Come to think of it, it would be the anniversary of my taking The Three Refuges soon. This time, I can certainly appreciate the Sangha component much more. =) Often we know the teaching; we're just not skilled enough to apply it. And we do need those who have truly known happiness to teach that.