借りてきた言葉

ぶつかり合う時も来るさ　綺麗な事ばかりじゃないだろうから
全てを君と　越えてゆくと決めた

共に歩き　共に探し
共に笑い　共に誓い
共に感じ　共に選び
共に泣き　共に背負い
共に抱き　共に迷い
共に築き　共に願い

ささやかな幸せが　木漏れ日のように　やわらかに降り注ぐ
そんな日々を　描きながら・・・

One Third

Only got a hundred years to live

And so much still to be done,
more still that can be done,

that I wonder if the next-life-I
will still be working on what I'm working on now,
adding, improving, (if ever) completing...

But it takes so long to grow up,
    to learn, to understand;
it takes so much to reach this place;

that perhaps the present-life-I

    having grown into the right circumstances,
                                            (I think)
    having met the right teachers,
                                            (I believe)

had better not count on that other hundred,

    not even on the rest of this hundred,

only now--

to do, do, do
as much as can be done.

This day has passed, and your life too has lessened.
Like a fish running short of water, for what do you rejoice?
Strive on diligently now, as if putting out a fire on your head.
May you be mindful of the transience, and be cautious not to be slack.
-- Samantabhadra Bodhisattva

Gold in Them Hills

Give the world a chance to say
A word or two, my friend
There's no telling how the day might end
We'll never know until we see
That there's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
So don't lose heart
Give the day a chance to start

-- Ron Sexsmith, "Gold in Them Hills"


Discovered via Katie Melua, who covered it in her latest album, "Secret Symphony". Fabulous choice for the opening track of the album: in Dorothy Boyd's words, it "had me at hello".

Soothing melody, soothing voice, soothing words -- I have quite a lot on my mind these days so these hit right home. Do listen for yourself in this gorgeous live version.





Side interest: The phrase "There's gold in them thar hills" is supposedly a cliche -- though one I didn't know before and had to Google -- related to the historical gold rush. But in this song I'm guessing Sexsmith uses it as an allusion to hope, in a "silver lining" way rather than a "California Dream" way.

Safe in A Crazy World

I once read someone saying, "Music saved my life." He was in depression for an extended time and had repeatedly considered suicide. I suppose he found an outlet in music -- all I knew was he started composing music in genres that were... not so mainstream. The phase passed, and he seems to be a happy person nowadays.

With a brief Google search I found more such stories. A youngster who grew up in a slum learned to play the guitar and so instead of getting drawn into the neighbourhood gang he became a performer. A student who couldn't do well in any subject at school found her potential and purpose of life in playing music.

I haven't thought of music that way until the past week when I experienced something like that, albeit in a much milder scale. In my case, stress was building up from an assortment of little things: unsettled issues that piled up, small annoyances from people all around... Sometimes I feel the little things are worse, because in addition to these you second-guess yourself why you should be so upset with them when they seem so insignificant, and you chide yourself for being narrow-minded.

So I needed a tranquilizer. I turned on music and sang. And to dramatize a bit, I can say that music saved my sanity at the time.

As a Buddhist, a perhaps better alternative would be silence. But I'm ashamed to say that I've been struggling with meditation, that my mind is still too untamed that it kept slipping back to the noisy thoughts. But drawing a lesson from our former music director, I'd like to think music could be a form of meditation to some.

So while I continue to train this monkey mind, let me just hold on to my music -- the ever reliable companion when I need to be alone.

Noise keeps chasing me no matter where I go
And life likes pretending that it's on a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

'Cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world

-- Corrinne May, "Safe in A Crazy World"

In Other Words, A Tropical Winter

つながった
冬の星座

Once again Orion tells me that winter is here,
a kinder sign than the cold that bites my skin.
Ah, winter has come, year by year,
even to this land that has only sun and rain.
And the world churns out songs of snow,
of feelings white that keep you warm;
tunes ringing with the longing you'd know
despite a climate tens of degrees off.

Yes, winter is here,
the season dancing in the sounds,
the season written in the stars;
and with none* of the freezing it still lets me glimpse
icy lands far and foreign,
frosty wonders my eyes have never seen.


* Except for the illusion of it on fingertips and such extremities.

If Winter Comes, Can Spring Be Far Behind?

The Four Seasons
NIKIIE


Don't stop talking; please try to go on,
since these unsettled feelings have surfaced.
Nights so lonely that your tears won't fall,
how many of those have you endured alone?

Those who say "I can't"
are not those who want to run away,
but those who don't want to give up.

Because there is spring, summer comes;
Because there is summer, autumn comes;
Because there is autumn, winter comes;
It is a natural thing that the world changes.


Being free from trouble, is that happiness?
It is when you're deeply troubled that certain things will surface.

Those who say "All of myself vanishes"
are not those who want to erase things,
but those who want to change themselves.

Because spring comes, winter is dear;
Because winter comes, autumn is dear;
Because autumn comes, summer is dear;
It is by oneself that the world is changed.


What is it that can't be given up? Who is it that won't give up?
You know it from the start, don't you?
Don't stop talking; please try to go on.

Because there is spring, summer comes;
Because there is summer, autumn comes;
Because there is autumn, winter comes;
It is a natural thing.

Because spring comes, winter is dear;
Because winter comes, autumn, too, is dear;
Because autumn comes, summer, too, is dear;
It is by oneself that the world is changed.


---


Post title has nothing to do with the song, but the conveyed meaning is certainly related.

Gray City

When it rains it rains so slowly,
In the city where I'm from.
-- Turin Brakes, "Rain City"

Dusk comes easily enough,
no red nor yellow to chase off the horizon.
Muted colours like white noise implode,
overflowed with drops immaterialized.

In my mind, the words he sang:
"It's raining on Sunday morning..."

King of melancholy, child of gloom!
Where can I find salvation for us both?


Evenings like this I get unquiet,
when beneath the black is not clear distant sky.
Never relied on the moon for light,
but space feels bitter when stars too hide.

In my mind, the song he wrote:
"Sparkling gems are flooding the streets..."

Lyra, Sagitta, Cygnus, Aquila!
When may I delight upon your radiance?


Cold it might be when the waters fall,
chilling all the more when they linger.

My heart still ponders the soulful refrain:
"It's raining on--"

Broken People Get Recycled

Katie Melua! I love her already for the mellow tunes, but haven't expected her to come up with something this grand. ♥♥♥




The Flood
Katie Melua


Broken people get recycled
And I hope that I will sometimes be thrown off the pathways.
What I thought was my way home
Wasn't the place I know.

I'm not afraid of changing,
I'm certain nothing's certain.
What we own becomes our prison.
My possessions will be gone,
Back to where they came from.

Blame... no one is to blame.
As natural as the rain that falls,
Here comes The Flood again.

See the rock that you hold onto;
Is it gonna save you
When the earth begins to crumble?
Why'd you feel you have to hold on?
Imagine if you let go.

Blame... no one is to blame.
As natural as the rain that falls,
Here comes The Flood again.

Flush away the weight that pulls you down.
Light the ways that freed from the dusk.

Don't trust your eyes,
It's easy to believe them.
Know in your heart
That you can leave your prison.

Don't trust your mind,
It's not always listening.
Turn on the lights
And feel the ancient rhythm.

Blame... no one is to blame.
As natural as the rain that falls,
Here comes The Flood again.


>> Katie on song inspirations

to Mother

Beautiful song, beautiful person.



Because you wanted to be loved,
no matter the pain, you showed your laughter.
Sadness would be endurable, if only I were alone.
Kindness is so cruel, isn't it? It confuses even your heart.

I want to always stay together,
but things I don't like about you seem to increase by day.
We're like-minded, aren't we? I feel that I can understand.

Happiness doesn't exactly shine like magic,
but even so, isn't hatred just a slight misunderstanding?
So please don't cry.

Sadness can feel warm when we snuggle together.
Kindness will spoil you when you get close.

Hey...
I'm happy, probably because

I had you with me.


The above is quoted and adapted from the full lyrics and translation here.

心上的人兒

Oldies.. but believe me this is already the more (most?) contemporary rendition among them all. xD The version I first heard and liked is probably this exact one or similar. (Lesson learnt: internet links do not live for ever.)

It's a personal example of mental association that contradicts the actual meaning of the words, as I have, inexplicably, always thought of the phrase "心上的人兒" (lit. the person in my heart) in a plural sense, and associated this supposed-romantic-love-song with my family.

Probably it's how their faces in my memory are always smiling; how they are the ones I can count on to give me the sun in the dark of night; how I automatically think, whenever reminded of them, "do not be sad; I wish for your smile to stay that way forever" --- as I suddenly do right now.

However

突然感じて...



HOWEVER


In this place, where gentle wind blows,
right now, the two of us slowly walk on.


Thousands of meetings and partings are born on this planet;
but some people walk right past without understanding.
When I lost my way in the unreachable dreams of an unfamiliar town,
the one who gave me the courage to run through the darkness
was you.

If a love that pours incessantly can be called 'forever',
no word can ever express what I need to say
to convey the meaning of 'loving'.

I want to make you happy;
I will live on while weaving
a future pictured in your heart
that won't be drenched in tears of sadness.


There was confusion in my heart as love began
in that summer afternoon when I turned my back.
There were, in retrospect,
those sins in the unreliable, shaky days of youth.
Even so, no matter how far we are apart,
I feel you.
If we can return to it this time, let's live together;
indeed, it'd be great to be together, always...

Shouldering loneliness, I stand still among the crowd,
searching for a place to draw closer to my heart.

There've been nights of crying, "We met too late."
The detour the two of us took,
that alone has taken up the stretch of a lifetime.
To you, whom I've hurt, I'll say this right now:
that I love you more than anyone.


If a love that pours incessantly can be called 'forever',
no word can ever express what I need to say
to convey the meaning of 'tenderness'.

The restlessness of those days in love,
the casual weekends,
that voice lingering from our youth,
the spirited gaze--
I will embrace everything that paints you
as we slowly walk on...

...in this place,
where gentle wind blows.


---

非常的幸福

Been following the series 宝莲灯前传 (Lotus Lantern Origins) on CCTV while I was back home, and I'm now a little addicted to its ending theme.





It seems to be a rearrangement of an insert song in the older Lotus Lantern series:




In the distance is a mountain
On the mountain is a tree
Under the tree is a grass hut

In the sky is a cloud
Slowly dispersing into fog
The wind on earth is chasing it

In the distance is a mountain
On the mountain is a tree
A family lives in the hut
Very, very, very happily*


* Given the drama's celestial genre, I was quite tempted to translate this more romantically as "an extraordinary happiness". =D


I never noticed Yvonne Lim until I watched her there. She has such a pleasant look that makes me not mind her character being so childish and crybaby, and sometimes makes me want to smack that Yang Jian for not treating her better. =D; Curious as I am as to how they would end up, I wonder if I have enough energy to follow through that series now that vacation is over. ^^0 The story is really quite interesting as it covers the (complete?) Chinese mythology including Journey to the West.

Litany

i see the moon, the moon sees me
the moon sees the ones i cannot see
please let the light that shines on me
shine on the ones i love.

be strong.

Glorious

So this is what it feels like;
This is how it feels when you're finally walking on the inside.
This is what it looks like;
This is how it looks from the outside staring in.

"Are you in love lately?" she asked,
which I thought was strange, back then,
but she might have read it right after all, because

the sky throughout November
has been the prettiest I've seen of her,

these dreams I'm now courting
might have been flirting with me all along, unnoticed,

and a long-time adoration I thought was flawed
is turning out capable of stirring in me, emotions
as profound as gratitude.

So who cares if the attraction is superficial,

when I finally get a glimpse of the world inside
and with such clarity,

when I'll take without hesitation, a choice inferior, yet
unfailingly beloved;

this freedom it has dared me to take
if maybe too shallow to call happiness,

is still pretty close to

light.

Lyrics Roll

So I dumped a few (newly acquired / long neglected) folders on Windows Media Player, and sorted the songs by track numbers, then a few interesting lines got caught on my hearing as they drifted on---


Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me? It's not the first time, it's not the worst crime; your soul will be okay. Live high, live mighty, live righteously, taking it easy. If you don't know, then you can't care.

And that's why I don't drink and drive, because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth and have to kiss my smile goodbye. You walk around here, thinking you're not pretty. And I take everything from you, but you'll take anything, won't you?

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can't place her. You'd think me rude but I would just stand and... stare. See, love will never ever be lost on me.

All right, sit down and spill your heart. Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel, or just the train? ...And don't mind my nerve, you could call it fiction.

Burning Bridges

I have finally done a decent reading on the controversial events surrounding Ajahn Brahm that actually started two months ago. Late, I know! It took me many many articles to gather the main points and fill in the background knowledge, and still I hesitate to think I have sufficient understanding of all the issues involved.

For curious readers, I recommend this blog entry (first portion of it) for the gist of it with minimum jargons. What I'm going to write here will be more on my own mental reaction while reading rather than a discussion of the viewpoints. Let me warn early that I'm likely to be subjective and irresponsibly liberal and throwing pretentious poetic language in the following; you may not want to read on in your less tolerant moods...

Seeing as I do 'identify' with one 'side' of the controversy, I've been wary of having biases in forming my understanding of the matter. On top of that, I am usually a prick about how things are worded. An open letter from a direct participant put his points across in a way that made me think: "I cannot sense good intentions nor loving kindness in this" (as what I would expect given the writer's designation) and at that moment I thought I was surely going to be biased for that. (Or would that realization neutralize my opinion instead? Sway it the other way instead?)

Many comments raised many good points, both ways. I guess the heart of the matter can be as simple or as complex as anyone want to make it. As in many controversial issues I have pondered in the past (abortion, prostitution, homosexual marriage, ...) there is a clear-cut, indisputably positive value that humans are trying to achieve. In this case, it is gender equality, which I think hardly any reasonable society would deny nowadays.

However, that value almost always has many flavors. Contexts. Side effects, real or abstract, when different concerns are weighed. The 'statement made to the world' implied in performing an action. In endorsing it. Even in simply openly supporting it. Whether the implementation is proper or is damaging to the cause; whether that matters at all. Sacrifices, necessary evils, skillful means...

I am always of the opinion that if something makes someone happy without harming anyone else, let them have it. What constitutes 'harm', though? What constitutes 'happy'? Is it selfish to pursue a wish that not everyone is happy to see? Won't it be just as selfish to prohibit it?

I am also of the opinion that there is no need for 'statements', for labels, for clear sides. We can act based on what we believe in without flaunting it, without forcing others to accept it. Isn't that contradictory, now? =D Yet, as I have recently realized from what an openly bisexual celebrity said, there is a meaning to making that sort of statement, especially when one is not alone in that belief, when less fortunate others are hurt from being judged for the same belief.

The more I know
The less I understand
All the things I thought I knew
I'm learning again

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness
Forgiveness...

I suppose I am also making some sort of stand (even several) by writing this, vague as it is? As much as I want to think that people I interact with on personal or professional grounds shouldn't be affected by differing opinions on such specific matters as this (as with religion, race, political belief, ...) -- and that when the relationships are affected, then it would be in our best interests to keep a distance anyway -- I am still a coward who is wary about being judged.

Earlier on when I was contemplating signing the online petition, frankly, I had many doubts. Of all the points made, is there any pitfall? Are there potential unpleasant consequences? Will it be traced to my affiliations; will it reflect badly on them; will it reflect badly on me to them -- am I thinking too highly of myself there? xD Is a petition a wise step to take; will it make a difference?

In the end, just as I write this simply because I feel like writing (hence, pardon the lack of conclusions), I decide that I can take actions (or inaction) for my own biases and reasons, which do not even have to align with those of others on the same 'side'; and that making a stand is most importantly for my own learning and realization, of the values my life is based on, of the direction I am growing towards, of what I strive to be.

How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned,
or the way that she died?

How about... love?

(And quoting these lyrics out of their original context if maybe to make yet another point.)

Let Death See You Smiling

I've been more selective with movies lately, and I'm happy to say that most of what I've watched I would gladly recommend to others. =) Today, it is My Sister's Keeper. It is sort of a 'dark horse' to me; I've seen the poster but haven't been attracted enough to check it out before Eka asked if I'd want to watch. The promise of non-straightforward moral issues in the synopsis got me interested, and while the movie did deliver those, they were not the strongest impression I got by the end of the movie, because the story had much more. Well, we cried a whole lot. xD The runny nose I got was quite reminiscent of Okuribito..

After Wiki I found out there were differences from the original book. I kinda like both versions in this case. The movie's soundtracks are very nice too...

Life is beautiful
We love until we die

Let the monsters see you smile,
Let them see you smiling.

Do I hold you too tightly?
When will the hurt kick in?

Life is beautiful
but it's complicated.

We don't need to understand
There are miracles, miracles

I will hold you tightly
When the hurting kicks in.

Stand where you are
We let all these moments pass us by.

This is ours just for a moment
There's a lot that we can give.

Also invested 21.90 dollars in a foldable umbrella from Umbrella Label today. Quite ex surely, but I've been fed up with under-five umbrellas whose frame snapped broken within the first few times I used them and were close to useless in the strong wind. Hopefully this one will be durable, I'll let you know after a few months maybe. It is baby-blue and has cute giraffes on it... what I would call an 'Eka-approved' feel, lol. Speaking of which, my taste in umbrella colours can run from humble dark green to elegant maroon to striking purple, depending on my mood at time of purchase. Hm..

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

What does it take
to live by one's own values,
when they do not coincide with popular opinion?

Constant self-assurance,
or else
just-as-stubborn mindset,
or else
smooth manners to conceal them well.

What does it take
when those very values
contradict the existence of these traits?

Just the answer to one question maybe:
"What am I living for?"

#1

always am weak for your tears
no matter how trivial they seem
and these
made me realize
to you, nothing is ever trivial
when it comes to us.


do i love you well? can i love you well?
-- ASKA, "Hajimari wa Itsumo Ame"

Theory of Happiness

When I didn't pause to think, when I just went with the flow,
I fell hard when things swerved off course.
When I started reasoning, when I started justifying,
I was full of spite trying to defend my pride.
When I analyzed situations, when I sought solutions,
I guess I simply didn't love enough to forgive.

When I stop asking life to play nice,
when I stop holding you responsible for my feelings...
I finally remember that happiness never does have a philosophy.

---

Shiina Ringo, "Koufukuron (Theory of Happiness)"
-- Adapted from the translation by Emily Horner


When I searched for true happiness,
I started to think I wanted to love and be loved in return;
and then I caught on to your strength, and the weakness you try to hide.
I burn with energy at how you laugh and cry honestly
at the flow of time and the color of the sky,
as if you don't wish for anything more.

True happiness cannot always be seen;
it was right by my side, and I didn't even notice.
But when I realized that what my numb fingers needed was your familiar hand,
I decided I wouldn't mind trying a little
to protect your melody,
and all your words and philosophy.

Because I love you just the way you are, laughing and crying honestly
at the flow of time and the color of the sky
as if you don't wish for anything more--
I'll do what it takes to protect your melody,
and all your words and philosophy.
Just the fact that you're alive here, that's happiness.