A Day of Kindness

Today I received so many acts of kindness (including material manifestations of it) that I have to write them down to remember. :)

Rushing from my team's exhibition booth to the MRT station, I left my water bottle behind. My colleague noticed and took it back to office for me.

Met Shixuan at the station and she helped me carry my bag while I lugged my laptop along.

Ai Ling fetched the two of us and gave us a ride to the charity dinner, where we were to perform. She also lent me her high heels which were much more comfortable than my own.

I got a bag as some kind of door prize. The draw chances must have been quite generous, as I'm usually not lucky at this kind of thing. :P

Weng Hong won a trolley bag at the lucky draw, but gave it to me.

I somehow won a crystal vase at the lucky draw, despite just telling Hwee Mei that (as I said earlier) I was usually not lucky at this kind of thing. In fact I just went to the restroom as I thought it wouldn't concern me, and Ai Ling went up to collect the prize on my behalf. ^_^;

I saw our institute ED Dr. Tan at the charity dinner as he went up to collect a prize, but didn't think he'd remember me from just a few presentations my team had with him. Hence I didn't go to greet him. It turned out that Mrs. Tan recognized me when we Soracco were up there singing, and they were the ones who came to our table to say hi. *_*

The organizers further gave us perfume bottles and vases as an appreciation token.

The dinner itself was sponsored for us (by Angie?) as we were volunteer performers.

Hwee Mei and Shixuan again helped me haul my stuff (plus all the loot) back to Ai Ling's car.

At the dinner, and at the exhibition too, I was having a good time, surrounded by friends and colleagues I could comfortably talk with (it usually takes me some time to warm up to people). In fact I was slightly worried that in my high spirits I might have been unmindful and blurted out inconsiderate things. :X

All these that I received today felt much more than I was giving back. Guess I can only be thankful to everyone for now, and slowly try to give more in the future. :)

...be, nineteen years from now...

Early celebration of Angie's birthday yesterday. Much fun and sore throat had been had... and I think the 'plot-holed' attempt at making it a surprise just made it all the more memorable. =D It was nice to see Mal again too.

Maybe it is to be expected when it's someone like Angie, but I am still quite amazed to find 'lessons' to bring home from a birthday party. Was really touched when she talked about the founding days of Buddhist Fellowship 21 years ago, including the wavering period 11 years after, and how all of us wouldn't have been gathered there were it not for the few graduate students who themselves had never thought their simple target of "one project a year" would see a future as what BF is today.

Soracco itself has gone through many regenerations that it may not be as 'nostalgic' as say, a persisting friendship of the same people, but to many of us it is still something we are glad to be part of, something we watch grow with a heartwarming fondness... and I suppose its 'survival' is really thanks to the music foundation that Mal laid down and Aug carries on, Angie's lift and push, Ai Ling's loyal lead throughout.

Also, a good reminder of the Buddha's words from Dr Ang Beng Choo, relating people's contradicting opinions about Angie that she overheard:

"There will always be differing perspectives about anything. When the sun shines from the east, the tree casts a shadow to the west. When the sun shines from the west, the tree casts a shadow to the east. There is no need to worry about the shadow. Just make sure your tree grows strong and upright."

As Angie said, "If even someone like me can grow, there must be hope for all of you too." So... will keep working on it! ^^

Flowers in the Sky

The song that stuck with me after the end of the concert... and had come close to making me cry during one of the rehearsals.





Brahma of My Heart
i.gemz

Composer: Goh Sue San
Album: Cradled In Buddha's Arms


Do you remember the nights you lullabied me to sleep
Turning my tears to comfort and to laughter
Do you remember the days being the flowers in the sky
You showed me wisdom and guide me all the way

You have sacrificed for me, leaving heartprints of your love
Brahma of my home, teacher and my savior
You’re the hero of my life, gave me everything and more
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart

I will remember your hopes, I will make your dreams come true
I will turn your fears into courage and compassion
I promise to take care of you, share with you all the love I have
Please do believe me, my love for you shines true

You have sacrificed for me, leaving heartprints of your love
Brahma of my home, teacher and my savior
You’re the hero of my life, gave me everything and more
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart

-----

'Brahma' is a Pali word (lit. 'the great one') that has been used to denote many concepts, including 'parents'.

Forerunner

This year's Vesak resolution: Be mindful.

While I'm utilizing this tag, event pimping! Our Vesak concert "Family and Friends" on 23--24 May 2009, Jubilee Hall. We'll be performing pop songs and original compositions, with guest performance by Robert Fernando. Tickets are by donation.

Heart in the Right Place

Went for Ven. Thubten Chodron's talk on Wisdom and Compassion this morning. Paiseh, I usually went for talks only when Soracco got something on. =P But if anything, I suppose this irregularity helps to prevent these lessons from becoming a routine that I might end up ignoring.

Not that I'm advocating, ya. This is what works for me because I am a quite impulsive person -- a lesson needs to strike me at a timely moment, otherwise it's the case of pouring water into a full cup. And actually, exactly because of this I should be going more regularly since I don't know what time it might strike. And I do need it to strike every now and then, because most things fade from my head when not revisited in a long time.

As it is, I'm blogging about it because something did strike. XD This needs some background exposition first, so please bear with me for a while.

So, there is this personality that I picture I want to have. I keep shaping this picture by what is important to me over time. I got upset when someone talked harshly to me, so I decided that this personality would always be considerate to people. I felt guilty over not getting a work done properly, so I added that this personality would be responsible and trustworthy. And so on.

There are two problems in the way I apply this approach. One is that I never concretize the abstract ideas and end up drowning in mundane activities without ever progressing towards that image. The other is that I see my current situation as inferior to this personality, and whenever I commit a mistake that violates this image, I am very unhappy with myself.

(Hady likes to quote that flaws make people interesting. Oh yeah, I agree. But somehow, I'd like to choose the flaws I'd keep. XD)

Now, Ven.'s talk on compassion made a point that, being enlightened means achieving bodhicitta. Achieving bodhicitta is impossible if there is a single sentient being that one cannot feel compassion towards. Every being that we meet contribute to our life; our enlightenment depends on each one of them. (There were raised questions about ants and cockroaches, again, XD but let me not digress.)

I knocked down a child in my rush many days ago and still couldn't get over that guilt -- I blamed it on my temporary absence of mind, but I thought, it wouldn't have happened if I had had the very basic compassion in the first place.

Then Ven.'s talk on wisdom touched on how parents discipline their children, where being truly compassionate means teaching the children to deal with not always getting what they want.

When we were little we couldn't reason about things, and all manners were drilled into us by our parents. Do this because it is good. Don't do that because it is bad. Why good, why bad? Just because. Until, of course, we somehow think back to those when we are older and start discovering (or disproving) the reasoning for ourselves.

From those, I kind of realized why I hadn't been progressing -- it was because I wanted all those qualities without firstly having the seeds from which they would grow.

I have one foot in the belief that, if I have the right motivation in place, then I will naturally take the right course of action, as what my ideal personality would do. Maybe, then, I need not bother fleshing out that image any more -- all those will be there by definition.

Yet from experience, it was always when a mistake had happened that I realized I didn't have enough mindfulness to react properly based on that motivation when the situation occurred.

That is where, I suppose, the drilling should come in.

Regardless of whether I can follow up from this reflection... that has been a fruitful wandering off of my mind during the talk, if only to disentangle some of the mess in my head. So in the spirit of gratitude to Venerable and all factors that have put her and me at that place at that time... let me just revive an old NUSBS cheer:

Hip-hip, sadhu!

Photo courtesy of Bro. Goh Kuan Seng
Candle-holder courtesy of Poh Ern Shih Temple